How am I doing now? (Ok, this article is not quite THAT self serving
...)
I didn't notice that my June 18 post "I'm cranky ... sorry! " was written on the 5
month anniversary of my original diagnosis (X-ray) that I had a tumor in my
chest. I've been thinking about my attitude and asking myself "what makes me
react this way?" Those of you who speak with chronically ill people may (or may
not) want to consider my answers.
I think that the real answer is that I've become
whiny. Several friends disagree with me, but let me substantiate my
point.
1. I am tired of people telling
me to "be strong," etc. What do you think I'm $#@&!)^ doing? The reason
why I move about 12 inches each 3-4 seconds is because that's all I've got to
work with. Just as bad is, "I hope you get well
quickly!"
2. I am tired of people
insisting that we find ways to salve their consciences; no, we don't need meals
brought to us. We don' need people to mow our lawn. Try to paint our porch and
you'll get beaned. If we need help, we'll ask; when there's a need, I haven't
been shy about it. That's what I've been saying for 5 months now. I am not
responsible for your lack of language
skills.
3. I am tired of people
suggesting that I look into "alternative" medicine treatments. (Viva ordered me
months ago not to berate this topic any further; "they're just trying to show
that they care." I shall say no
more.)
4. I'm tired of people coming to
me with totally screwy belief systems who claim that they received these beliefs
directly from God (in the Christian/Bible sense), in spite of the fact that they
either know their beliefs contradict the Bible or, worse, they've never taken
the time to check the
Bible.
etc.
Now,
how does that prove that I'm whiny? Because all four statements start with "I'm
tired of people ..." That is, I have forgotten to translate awkward expressions
of care to the phrase "I love you - but I have no idea how to express it." I
need to remember that people groups 1 & 2 (and maybe 3), like me, are doing
the best that they can. However, in fatigue that comes after 5 months in which
the answer to the question "So when do you get better" has changed several
times, I have gotten lazy and haven't applied the strength required to be
patient. That makes me whiny. Frankly, if your gripes start with "I am tired
of people ..." then maybe you need to visit this question too.
Did I sneak up on you with that? Yep,
if you're blaming other people for your bad mood, then something's not right.
(Concentration camp/torture victims: you are excused. Very.) We live in a
society. That means that we all have to make room for the people around us.
That means not tailgating the slow driver. That means not turning your car
stereo so loud that I can't hear my own cell phone. That means driving safely
(not sending text messages while at the wheel). It means forgiving people, and
it means loving people, even if they're
jerks.
Now, to the people in group 4:
you are just annoying. If my upcoming treatment fails, then I don't have a
whole lot of time left to play with stupidity. That means that I have neither
the time nor the patience for flaky self-absorbed mamby-pamby excuses on how God
wants you to do wrong; not merely that YOU want to do wrong, but you have the
arrogant affrontery to claim God has endorsed your conduct. Frankly, I've met a
number of people whose opinion of their ability to hear God warrants a hit up
the side of the head with something relatively painful. That's not me being
whiny, that's what happens when YOU get whiny. Or flaky. Or, God forbid, whiny
AND flaky.
So if group 4 people
continue to seek me out then be aware: I will take pleasure in verbally bruising
you. If you are offended, I am not sorry. On the other hand, if I manage to
pound a few bits of sense in your head, that's not so bad. I will try to only
give you the frustration that belongs to Group 4, but do recall: I'm sick, I'm
isolated, and you provide me with my one and only stress relief
valve.
Hey, wait a minute. Maybe I DO
want group 4 people to talk to me! (No, not really)
Posted: Mon - June 23, 2008 at 06:59 AM
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