News from Auburn Saturday December 20, 2008
In this
issue:
Health update (including nine action
packed prognosis
options!)
Weather
Christmas
news and family photo.
Health
updateFrequent
questions:Are you getting
better? Um .... no. Treatment hasn't started
yet.But you sound/look like you're doing
ok. I do look good, don't I.?
:-)So when does treatment
start? No idea at this time. Every time the phone rings I hope
it's UAB calling with my biopsy results. Last Tuesday I got an email that
they've worked out housing for us while we're up there for treatment, but no
biopsy results yet.So what happens
now? Glad you asked! My sister Kathy and I have worked out
9 possible outcomes.1. I do not
survive long enough to start treatment. Note In this case I
may have to send out the newsletter slightly less
often.2. I start treatment, but it doesn't
work. Note see note from
#13. Treatment prolongs my life for some
period of time, but no cure. Note This is the one I expect.
However, since I've always been wrong this year, maybe
...4. Treatment renders me cancer free.
Dancing in the streets follows, and lots of yummy pizza (once I can eat it
without pain).5. [My version] God says, "Ok,
400 praying people can't be ignored" and takes care of the cancer himself.
[Kathy's version] Similar, except that "in quantum mechanics things can
happen out of the blue."6. [Kathy's version]
use wart sticks to freeze the tumor. [my version] use a probe to inject
liquid nitrogen into the tumor areas. Note I said this is a
bad idea because the liquid N2 might give me the bends. Viva said "Not
only that, but it will probably ruin a $20,000-$30,000 piece of
equipment!" Kathy said, "No, you get the bends when the N2 dissolves in
your bloodstream. Liquid N2 would just give you the longest belch in human
history."The last three are all from
Kathy:7. Abduction by aliens. You
return younger (time dialation), cured (advanced medical technology), and buff
(free personal trainer availble on-board
vessel).8. You are bitten by spider
escapee from top secret government lab. Irradiated venom causes genetic mutation
of tumor tissue. Mediastinal tumor transforms into a functional secondary heart.
You become Dr. Who! and her
masterpiece: (this one's not
pretty)9. You are sitting at the
kitchen table eating a delicious pasta meal lovingly prepared by your in-laws.
Suddenly, they have a look of horror on their faces. The egg sack in your
mediastinum has finally reached maturity and blood spatters your shirt as the
alien pops out of your open chest, screeches with it's mouth full of razor sharp
teeth, and speeds across the table into the closet under the stairs. Then we see
Dr. Forero in his office standing with a horror stricken look on his face. "It
was the wrong diagnosis all along!", he cries. And he covers his face in his
hands as he realizes that he could have saved you with a simple shot of
veterinary de-wormer.There. Now
you know my possible prognosis
options.WeatherFor
my relatives in the midwest: It's still dark out at 5:15 this morning and
the temperature is 62 degrees. Mmmm. (Sunday it will drop to 22.
No one here knows how to dress for 22
degrees.)Christmas
newsChristmas is this Thursday!
Viva's parents will be here at least that long, and have been wonderful
caregivers. I think they could replace the energizer bunny in those
commercials. I don't get tired watching, though. Actually, I just
sleep most of the time.The kids are
both getting grades far better than I did in college. Adam still has
straight A's. Kayla has started applying to graduate schools (required in
her field of study in order to be
certified).Here's our family picture.
Out of pure vanity, I removed my glasses and oxygen hose so that I could
maintain the illusion of "looking good."
Posted: Sat - December 20, 2008 at 06:52 AM
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