Chronicles of Rodrick: Volume 3


{The following is a purely fictional tale created by Rodrick and written by many Hawk Road members in the Rumour Clipboard topic, "Rodrick's Story". The link to its original member posts is found at the bottom of page four. All references to local personalities are used in humour, not harm.}

THE SCRAP ENDED when Aaron Dugas hauled Any Record's tossle-leg hat off. Shortly after, Mr. Deon and David 'Bam-Bam' Buckland pulled into Dan's parking lot next to Eart, who jumped out of his Firefly and said, " You wanna fight? Fight me!" Any Records saw Eart's guns in the back seat and fled to The Rock. Aaron Dugas was holding Dan's up using his finger as a gun, and didn't notice Eart.

Just then, Burnly's Boy called Eart gay, and Rubber Boot started laughing. Eart was savage, and Buckland helped him throw Boot and Burnly's Boy in the Firefly, taking them straight to the office. When they opened the office door, Bobby Byrnes was holding a young punk by the scruff who had a T-shirt reading, "I Split Wood With Bob's Nad". Bob took a deep breath, closed his eyes, said ten 'Hail Sankos', then pushed his glasses up on his nose and let the punk go. He turned and walked out, giving Buckland a slap on his tush as he passed.

Buckland phoned Pico up for some advice on how to deal with Rubber Boot, but got the wrong number. The lady that answered the phone said her name was Mary Ester. She screamed into Buckland's ear that Weldon was trapped under a forklift in front of her house. The Waterman came on the phone and said he was coming over to the school as soon as he jacked the forklift up and stopped by the fish plant.

When HotDog finally got free, the Waterman went to Sable Fish Packers. Minnego Mantoya came running out of the 'high hopper' just as he arrived and attacked Cowboy Bob with a stunning drop-kick. Steven Black came on the loud speaker and said, "Iona, report to the roe room immediately!" By the time she got there, the Waterman had somehow become trapped in the strapping machine.

Evan busted in with thirty-nine pounds of bolonga and Mary Ester on his back, and neither of them noticed the Waterman struggling. Mary was late for work, but the internet guy working there had covered for her. Mary thanked him and cut off a slab of bologna, asking Evan where he hid the mustard. As the Waterman's feet fell limp, Ravin' Ron strutted in with his guitar. He sat on a hand-case and cleared his throat:

"Take this job and shove it, I ain't working here no more.
Mary Ester took my bologna, and Janie's got me on the floor.
There's a body in the strapping machine who'll miss the bologna meal,
Good thing, 'cause Mary stuffed the meat inside a big slime eel."

A guitar string broke just as Gary Black came on the loud speaker and said in a loud voice, "Who's the bastard that dumped a wharf box full of salt bait on my front yard?". Elijah walked in and found Slick hiding in the corner and hollered, "Get back in the grader room and let more small herring down the large chute!" Slick, covered in eel slime and salt bait, got up and stood between Janie and Mary Ester, a thorn between two roses.

Slick stuck his nose in the air and glared at Elijah. "You probably think I want to engage in most guy's biggest fantasy right now, but this is the 'real world', or should I say 'The Hawk Road world'. We don't do things like that around here, Elijah. It's a little-known fact that a true Hawker's fantasy is buying a six-pack of batteries and going to Clark's Harbour with a remote controlled boat that has a mini-gun mounted on the bow."

Slick imagined what LobstaMobsta would say: "Buoy, oh buoy...that would be the life. Shooting birds from the comfort of your living room." He snapped out of it and yelled, "Well, enough of this chit-chat. Time to wave good-bye to Old Man Winter and head south." Slick walked by, told me to call a few others, and we all started driving toward the airport in Grandmama's K-car.



Visit my other links:
Page 2