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{The following is a blog entry from site member, Imawhissle. A link to their blog can be found at the bottom of the last page.}
I have something on my mind today, and I wish to express it. I really hope this isn't perceived as beating a dead horse (or any other dead creature for that matter), but that the conclusions I have come to over the past week will serve to help someone else with the same struggle. Also, be prepared for a rant...some of what I'm gonna say will probably piss you off. It won't if you can understand where I'm coming from, though.
Obviously, I enjoy being an artist. It's good to have ideas and the knowledge of bringing them to life...be it graphical or musical. Sometimes, the two are even combined. I can't think of anything else I'd rather do to make a living than be creative. It feels nice when someone checks out your work and says, "Hey man..that's cool!" It comes with being an artist....personal enjoyment that others can enjoy as well.
However, there is a darker side that's not always so fun. Some people will say to me, "Man, I wish I could do some of that stuff..." ying-yongity-ying, but still...your joy can be taken away easily at times. A lot of it's because of self-doubt. I am a sensitive guy and things tend get to me easy. I've not always had the most confidence in the world and self-doubt appears on a regular basis. People seem to be surprised when I tell them, but it's true.
Self-doubt is the arch-enemy of creative people (anyone, for that matter). You can sit there and think, "Man, this will blow people away...can't wait to get it out there." But all it takes is someone to mumble comments the least bit negative (or not say anything at all), and you find yourself in a pile of defeated rubble. Most are only innocently trying to be constructively criticaI...I understand that. However if they're not skilled in the art of true constructive criticism, they just end up being critical.
And then there are people that are genuinely jealous. You've met them before...with their arsehole-type criticism that's no help to anybody. They say something ignorant, then cover it up with: "Oh, I was just trying to be constructive." Well, just to warn you...this monkey knows the difference. An arsehole isn't hard to smell. They carry agendas and subdue others, affecting the business of others with confidence attacks that try stopping a good thing from becoming great.
I have no respect for that shit...elevating yourself to shine over others. It's genuine bullshit. If you're guilty of that, pucker up your lips the next time you look in the mirror, then say to yourself, "I'm an arsehole. I have nothing better to do but tear someone down because I'm a jealous bastard who wants everything without earning it."
What's funny is that many have perceived me to fit the personality I just described. In my defence, however, let me point out a couple things. When our local music scene started getting larger, I was at the bars in the front row cheering them on, designing their logos (even if they asked or not), and mentioning them on my website. I did my best to support them.
Also, when others on this site started posting their artwork, I would drop by and let them know what a good job they were doing when I noticed it. I believe nurturing someone's confidence is more encouraging than putting them down. Of course, you have the idiots that believe I show support to gain more attention...honestly, you can't win. I don't know what else I could possibly do to show more genuine support.
I'll admit, however, that when it comes to my artwork, there's a part of me that tries hard to top the other guys. It's how I make my living...how I feed myself. I have to stay on top of my game and competitive, or I'd better start finding another line of work.
Self-doubt has been my biggest enemy, and I'm guilty of letting it affect me. Sometimes, I've felt ignored and abandoned...even on The Hawk Road. When I first came to this site, I thought, "What a great community service this is." So I started to use it as a vehicle to do some self-promoting by putting some of my artwork up that had been in hiding. For a while, it seemed people really enjoyed it.
Some HawkRoaders would be kind enough to drop by and leave some nice comments which really meant a lot. After a while though, I noticed people just stopped commenting no matter what I posted.
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