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Mr. Smelly's Opus. | |
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{The following is a slightly neurotic tribute to Mr. Smelly, the subject of a recent Clipboard topic entitled, "Help". The topic was deleted on request from its creator, but it seemed appropriate to salute Mr. Smelly for playing along and not speaking up...and to remind him he's not alone.} Well...um...er...I think we all need to just...um...well, we need to consider Mr. Smelly's feelings here and...um...porn addiction is a serious issue and...well...um...we need to...um...we all should just...um...er...there's no need to make fun of Mr. Smelly's...um...habit...or encourage others to reveal their partner's...um...odours...no, wait...yeah, odours...no wait...um...body fragrances...and, um...we should all just settle down and...well...there's no need to...um...no need to...er...make fun of Mr. Smelly...um...'cause this is a serious issue that...um... ...well...it's unhealthy to assume that...um...porn makes you stink like ass...no, wait...stink like...um...stink like a...um...well, when your bum sweats it...um....no...your bum sweats while watching porn because...um...well, it's like a...um...it's like when you play badminton for a few hours and...um...you come inside for a glass of...um...water...or sometimes apple juice and...well, then...somebody changes the channel and there's a...well...there's a man and a woman on TV that...um...er...well, they like each other a lot...and...um...and your friends all leave and go home...um...well, you're suddenly alone and...um...you're alone and your bum smells funny from playing badminton...um...no, wait...um...just suppose you lay on the couch after lots of badminton and...shit, that's not...um... ...you know how a porn star isn't afraid to...um...well, they're not scared to do things that kind of hurt...shit, that's not...um...well, your heart's still beating fast from hitting the birdie...shit, wait...um...er...it's not like you were the one who changed the channel and...um...er...sometimes you don't realize your own...um...odours...no, wait...fragrances...yeah, fragrances...and the remote's not handy anyway...and, um...well...the couch...um...the couch fabric absorbs the...um...fragrance juice...no...the bum essence drips...shit, wait...the...um...the bum fragrance falls and... ...well, your sweat is absorbed by the...um...and the girl on TV has huge...um...well...there's no remote close-by anyway so...um...and it's not like it's a crime to...well, you know how when you tickle...shit, wait...all boys have to...um...well, sometimes it's hard to focus when you haven't...um...haven't...shit...well, the pipes are clogged and...um...well...not all girls will do what that girl on TV did and.....um...you know...um...everyone sweats anyway, for crying out loud...and...well...sometimes the volume's so high you don't...um...you don't hear the door open...um...you can't pull up your...the door's too close and there's no time to...and the freakin' remote isn't around... ...um...just 'cause someone else smells your...um...your fragrance...um...your bum fragrance...well...um...it doesn't mean the couch will always smell like...um...like bum fragrance...there's those disinfectant sponges I saw on TV that...um...it's not the end of the world anyway...a couch isn't alive or anything...er...it's just some wood and fabric and...well, there's springs and foam too, I guess...um...you can buy a new one if you need to or...um...well...you can sell it cheap to somebody that...um...somebody that can't smell very good...um...or...um...it's not like my girlfriend had to freak out like that anyway...um...the remote's never around when you...and... ...um...well, badminton's isn't like chess and...er...if the TV wasn't so loud I could have...um...everyone does it so what's the big...um...she didn't...she...she wasn't very happy...well, she didn't care too much about the...um...those things that woman on TV was doing didn't piss her off as much...well...my girlfriend hates certain...um...fragrances...you know how a sock gets really...um...some people have sensitive noses and...well...it's only a couch for crying out...um...I told her Mr. Smelly does it too but...um... ...she doesn't understand that guys have...um...er...when guys play badminton it makes you...there's a...um...and I couldn't even smell it so it couldn't...it wasn't as bad as...um...I covered my...um...my little buddy...no, wait...my...um...yeah, my little buddy likes badminton and when that girl on TV started...um...well... ...it's not like I was getting up to find the remote with...well, she was right in front of me yelling and...um...well...everyone's bum smells different so...er...she had no right to call me a...um...I said I loved her and the girl on TV was just...that girl didn't mean I wasn't...um...the cats sit with their bums on the couch too so...um...well...they get worms sometimes and...their bum fur gets...there's clumps that hang down and...um... |
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