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"Out of nowhere came Hoss and Hoss's boy." | |
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A radio announcement came on: "There was a break-in at the vaseline factory. Missing was one pair of mittens, one corkscrew, one shovel, one case of bologne rolls, some soya sauce, and three uncooked chicken burgers. So Rodrick, Jamima, Garfield, and the Sears boy all jumped on back of Glen's ride. We noticed someone waving, and as we got closer we discovered that it was Janie Gummit. She jumped aboard, and the next thing Rodrick knew, Janie Gummit had him in the 'cross-face chicken-wing', trying to get at his pull tickets. It was a good thing the Sears boy was there; he got her off him, but not before she nailed him with a nice 'step-over-the-back toe-hold'. By this time, the 'ol Sears boy was crying in pain. Out of nowhere came Hoss and Hoss's boy. They jumped in the air and landed on Janie with a "7 7 7 7 7- at-Unnnnnnnnn" high-cross body blow. Smurf said, "Fuck this, let's crack on." So the Sears boy, Rodrick, Glen Smurf, and Janie Gummit went to Minard's to pick up fingas, then left for the vaseline factory. Twelve minutes and four joints later they were about to hit Timmy Hort's when, "Crotchity-slam-bang!" They stopped dead in our tracks. Someone had set a ten-pot trawl across the road stretching from the Superstore to McDonald's. School was back in session and someone had thought it would be a good chance for some tinkas. Rodrick wondered who would do such a thing, but luckily Smurf had a gaff on back. They got the balloon aboard and on it read, "The Big & Snarly". Apparently, Munchy was landing gear while Smash Can and Bobby Dale's boy got into some of Barkhouse's joy-juice that he makes out of fishskins. They decided to shoot out a string, figuring they could grab a Tim's before they landed it. But when they got there, Swingin' Bruce and Crazy Clifford already had hold of it. They had hijacked Eric's outboard and left him on Fish Island with nothing but Rodrick's 5-gallon bucket and a moss rake. About that time, Brucey got rope in his wheel and hollered, "Look out...Clifford just dove overboard for a loonie down on bottom." The loonie turned out to be the remains of Randy Gummit's '69 Mustang. Brucey tried cutting out from underneath, but didn't cut the right rope. He ended up cutting off his own bouy lines..both ends. Bruce got so worked up that you could have swore it was gonna start raining cat-dogs. Everyone was in a Ricky Pickle because Clifford and Bruce had Munchy's upper-end next to the boat and the wind was to the sou-west. What used to be Munchy's lower-end wound up by Tony's Pizza, and the rest of it dragged down on top of Wesley Crowell's gear. Someone yelled from Timmy Hort's parking lot, "Don't worry, I got a couple spare drags in my truck. Always have 'em around...just in case." Bullrick stivered down by and braced Brucie up with a drag and three bags of bands. Everything was going good until, 'Slam bang!'. They had the anchor in the wheel. So there was Munchy, Brucie, and Bullrick...half the trawl aboard, and rope in everyone's wheel. Just then Rodrick saw the biggest seal he'd ever layed eyes on. But wait a second...that was no seal. It was Clifford, taking the bait bags off everyone's traps. Munchy came out over aft with the biggest pair of vice grips they make, drifted up behind Clifford and and said, "Here Clifford, you crazy son of a bitch. I'll give you these giant vice grips and you go under all the boats and cut the rope and anchors out from everybody's wheel. Take this bo-hacka...you might need it." Clifford said, "What I get?" Munchy told him he could have all the tinkas and seeds from his pots. Everyone involved agreed that was fair, so down he went, seal-like in his breathing. First he braced up Eric's outboard, then swam underneath the Big & Snarly. He started cutting and everything was going smooth. Then Cliff saw Munchy's big 50-inch brand new brass wheel shining from above, and all he could think about was how many loonies he could get if he melted that sucka down. Clifford suddenly had a new plan. Off he went down the wharf with the giant wheel, four crates of tinkas, and ninety-three one clawed V-notched seeds. Cliff walked to Madman McCann's, who went out into his junk pile and found Cliff just the rig to melt that wheel down. Cliff agreed to give him his tinkas and seeds in exchange. Just as Cliff was about to leave, Fat Howie showed up with two bags of kayaks. He said to Clifford, "Let's get this party started. Tinkas and kayaks... what a feed." Halfway through the scoff, RubberBoot and Slick appeared and said there was going be a big fight in front of Dan's at noon time between Aaron Dugas and Any Records. |
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