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"What the hell you actin' out?" asked Smurf. | |
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Rodrick said, "Screw this, I need a drink or something. I can't believe what they've done to me." He stormed out of there mumbling, "Damn, I need some of that happy-ever-after stuff from 'Shrek'...hey, it made Donkey into a stallion. Maybe it can reverse this damage and I can be normal again." He ran into Chachi, who told Rodrick, "Grab some rope and tie it to your weeny 'till you get fixed up so you can have a leek without having to take ya oil pants off," Rodrick wasn't listening, still pissed off. He went from being a spike-horn to a sour-bug, all in the run of 20 minutes. Rodrick grabbed the phone and called up the only man he knew that could kick serious ass: Brutus the Bus-Boy Browncake. Brutus was a mean man, but he had an arch enemy...the only man on The Hawk Road to ever be born alive. His name was Norman Cunnycome, six feet three inches of pure strength. Brutus made the mistake of letting that slow swagger of Norman's catch him off guard, and in one swift motion Norman unleashed a chaw of tabaccie at Brutus. While it was floating towards Brutus, Norman reached down and pulled his snap gun out of his black rubber boot and got off three rounds before the tabaccie hit him. The chaw struck him right under his chin, and Brutus was fit to be tied. They were just about to come to blows in the middle of Edwin's barn when a special news report came across the set: " Warning...be on the look out for a short old man, weighing roughly 200 pounds, last seen wearing green rubber boots, green pants, green shirt, and a green hat with a trap on it. He's stealing bloomers off Aunt Klisie's clothes line," the announcer said. After further inspection, Brutus found it was in fact a Q-ball with Corey wrote on it. Everyone looked up and there was that Sears boy up on his roof with a high-powered slingshot. The Sears boy yelled, "Brutis Browncake... you best go tell Aunt B that she better have my bean pies ready, or I'm gonna kick her ass." The Sears boy didn't know it, but sneeking up through the gooseberry patch was two black duckers. Bimbo and Rod Iron suddenly jumped out of the killkids. A big black truck going about fifteen mph on a straight stretch with Georgie Hornet behind the wheel drove up and pulled along-side. He downed the window then braced his head around and smiled. "Eeeah, anything flyin'?" Just then that Sears boy got hit upside the head with a pair of purple bloomers the size of a kite. It was a black duck, but no ordinary black duck...this was Debbie Black Duck. She was wild and looking for that fella dressed in green. By this time, Hornet had cracked on, but still was keepin one eye on the activities as he sped off at a torrent four-knot. Just when things had calmed down, the wind breezed up to the eastard and launched the blooma and that Sears boy clear on to the ratcliff. Luckily, Chicky was out and he came along side and said, "Christ boy, you ain't got a prayer of making it into Playgirl looking like that." After a fashion, the Sears boy got on the Greeno and walked by Hirtle's Pond, saying 'Fuck it, I'll take a short cut home." He was just between Herbie Atwood and Garfield's gooseberry patch when he heard Angus yelling, "Garfield, get me the pick axe...I dug 18 rows of bo-tatoes this morning, and I ain't stopping now." So they started digging, and twelve hours later they'd gone through 27 rows of rhubard, 2 rows of carrots, 7 turnip, and 13 parsnip. "The secret was growing them in the hot house," Angus said. In front of Rodrick was a 7 foot, 478 pound watermelon. Rodrick turned and there was Jamima yelling to get that Sears boy's outboard ready because her and Rodrick were gonna tow that sucker to The Cape for the biggest damn picnic you ever saw. Rodrick got a little worried about what would happen if he was alone on The Cape with Jamima and a big 'ol watermelon. BubbleGum strolled up mumbling about how he couldn't train his dog to use the litter box, and that he would take Rodrick and Jamima over to The Cape, but for a price. Jamima became enraged and grabbed BubbleGum, giving him a DDT. She ripped his sacred Ultimate Warrior jacket, then Jamima turned to Rodrick and said, "Boy, I'm gonna pull my pants down now. I want you to go get your friend Ben...Ben Ova." BubbleGum backed up into a parked black truck and fell down. As he scuffled to his feet, he realized he'd left a good 'ol dent in the side of it. The driver's-side window came down. "What the hell you trying to act out?" Smurf asked, half slopped. He was pretty happy that he'd got his truck dried out from being swamped in the Guzzle. He was waiting for the Legion dance to start, hoping they might let him in this time. |
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