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'The doctors had thought Rodrick wanted a sex change.' | |
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HawkRoad asked if anyone remembered the time Rodrick was drifting down by Black Rock with a bucket of herring in one hand, his three-prong jig in the other, and his favorite T-shirt on that said, "If you can't land 'em with bait, go for the jig". The guy from Guinness Book of World Records came stumbling out of the cud as Hawkie and Rodrick day-dreamed on deck. He had a tape measure in his hand and asked where the guy was who'd had his privates chomped by a lobster. After measuring the swollen parts, a new record was announced, and he asked if there were any other possible records to be found around here, like: Most clams dug in 1 hour: Slow Joe Biggest clam dug: Slow Joe Loudest muffler: Lawerence Most lawnmower gaskets on the sideboard at the same time: Bumpa Biggest stash of Ebony mags: Camel Clyde But the record the guy was more interested in was the story about a giant lobster...the one that weighed 670 pounds. It was caught by Ronald P. Jigga in 1942. Using only a bait bag and a fid, it is said Ronald burried the lobster on hollow ground, right out back of Minigo Mantoga's drive-thru. No wonder Brutus was always so pissed off; he must have known it was burried there all along. He'd be trying to get at it, but his leash wasn't quite long enough. Rodrick told the Guinness guy that Fingas and Stewart had dug it up because Brutus was keeping them up all night. "I think James said they ended up luggin' it over in back of the old folk's home in Clark's Harbour. Rumour has it that Gordie tied it to the back of his power wheel-chair and dragged it down to the Haven." Hawkroad left, then Blithroy, who had been listening from some bushes, walked up. "Man, that lobsta wasn't as big as that one I see the Symonds clan bring in that time." Gayton sauntered by, mumbling, "You don't know what you're talking about, Blithroy. It wasn't the Symonds clan that landed it. Ronnie Dinkweed cloned that lobsta down at the Sears' pound on The Hawk. Mobsta helped him out and now they got an underground lab over on Calf Island where Dinkweed, Mobsta, and Lionel are working on cloning Long Dong's pride and joy from the porn movies. Hawkie had told his brother he needed a bigger dong because his intelligence just wasn't bringing home the ladies like he'd hoped." His brother Lobsta agreed, and so did Dinkweed, who was highly trained in top secret activities and high-tech weaponry; this was all very important to avoid getting caught with their pants down. After careful measurements, Hawkie's eight-incher was extended to eleven and a half, making it now possible to reach his little buddy with his feet and kill two 'birds' with one stone. His hands wouldn't have to come off the keyboard while in chat on The Hawk Road now that he could 'schpank' with his feet. After seeing this great invention, Rodrick was next in line for his turn. Instead of eleven and a half inches, he told the surgeons to make it an even foot. After claiming victory when the operation was a success, the doctor released him and he was cleared to go home. Rodrick first went to the bathroom to relieve himself and also check out his new appendage . He pulled his pants down and screamed, "I have an innie instead of an outtie!" The doctors had thought Rodrick wanted a sex change. Rodrick was about to blow, so he headed back to The Hawk, chewing gum and ready to kick someone's ass. All of a sudden, Emma Steve drove by in that beautiful yellow Cavalier, yelling out the window that Rodrick was looking good. Rodrick had to hide so he braced into Bubble Gum's, forgetting that Leander wasn't around anymore. |
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