28 Days Later 


Or, the big news that some people already know about. 

I wanted to wait to announce this on the blog until I had achieved this little milestone, and so I could reference one of my favorite movies from the past couple years.

So.

I have not had a cigarette since New Year's Eve.

It has been quite the journey, to be honest. I had wanted since mid-last year to quit, but had reasons not to: I still liked to smoke, I had a Vegas trip to enjoy to its fullest, I had a new job and that involved stress and needs. So, I had excuses/reasons.

However, I wanted to quit, because I wanted to get healthier in general--especially with Rick as inspiration--and I had also noticed in choir that my voice and breath capacity had gotten worse. And that sucks.

So, I decided that I needed to have some sort of event to look forward to and doesn't New Year's just fit perfectly.

The first two days were rough. I couldn't get to sleep because my body and mind were at war. With an addiction/habit, it's really hard to know where the distinction lies between the needs of the body versus the mind. All I know is that my mind was racing. I had this thing going where my mind was saying...
 
1. I want a cigarette. 
2. No, but you are quitting, so don't think about a cigarette; think about something else. 
3. OK, I'll think about something else. 
4. However, I'm thinking of something else only because I want a cigarette. 
5. Well, then stop thinking about something else because you want a cigarette; think of something else just to think of something else

and so on...it was incredibly meta and incredibly tiring.

And, I was bitchy. I think that has stopped, but Rick can attest that my fuse was decidedly shorter. OK, it's still shorter than it was, but it is growing back.

I have always been a skin-around-the-fingernail chewer, but it's gotten bad: I may need to get a manicure at some point.

I catch myself clenching my jaw.

It's like I have to teach myself how to relax again, like I'm recovering from a stroke or something.

However, I'm pretty proud. I've been out drinking and haven't smoked, and school's started and I haven't needed to continue my routines of a smoke before and after class.

So, yeah. I'm on the road to being a non-smoker.

Hooray for me. 

Posted: Sat - January 28, 2006 at 03:34 PM         |

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