by popular request here you go a funny and interesting definition of the real programmer...let's start :D

We are faced today with a world in which little old ladies can get computerized television remote controls, 12 year old kids can blow Real Men out of the water playing Sony Play Stations and X-Boxs, and anyone can buy and even understand their very own Personal Computer. The Real Programmer is in danger of becoming extinct, of being replaced by business-school students with Windows running drag and drop programming languages like Visual Basic! Some companies don't even understand the difference between some network-weenie with a Microsoft or Cisco certification and a real programmer...........

Real Programmers at Play

At a party, the Real Programmers are the ones in the corner talking about operating system security and how to get around it.

At a football game, the Real Programmer is the one comparing the plays against his simulations printed on 11 by 14 fanfold paper.

At the beach, the Real Programmer is the one drawing flowcharts in the sand.

A Real Programmer goes to a club to watch the light show.

At a funeral, the Real Programmer is the one saying "Poor George. And he almost had the sort routine working before the coronary."

In a grocery store, the Real Programmer is the one who insists on running the cans past the laser checkout scanner himself, because he never could trust keypunch operators to get it right the first time.


 

Real Programmers Natural Habitat

Listings of all programs the Real Programmer has ever worked on, piled in roughly chronological order on every flat surface in the office.

Some half-dozen or so partly filled cups of cold coffee. Occasionally, there will be cigarette butts floating in the coffee. In some cases, the cups will contain Diet Pepsi.

Strewn about the floor are several wrappers for peanut butter filled cheese bars (the type that are made stale at the bakery so they can't get any worse while waiting in the vending machine).

Hiding in the top left-hand drawer of the desk is a stash of double stuff Oreos for special occasions.

Underneath the Oreos is a flow-charting template, left there by the previous occupant of the office. (Real Programmers write programs, not documentation. Leave that to the maintainence people.)

Real Programmers don't wear neckties.

Real Programmers don't wear high heeled shoes.

Real Programmers arrive at work in time for lunch.

A Real Programmer might or might not know his wife's name. He does, however, know the entire ASCII (or EBCDIC) code table.

Real Programmers don't know how to cook. Grocery stores aren't often open at 3 a.m., so they survive on peanut crackers and coffee.



Real Programmers don't write applications programs. They program right down on the bare metal. Applications programming is for the dullards who can't do systems programming.
Real Programmers don't write specs. Users should be grateful for whatever they get: they are lucky to get any programs at all.
Real Programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand and harder to modify.
Real Programmers don't document. Documentation is for simpletons who can't read listings or the object code from the dump.
Real Programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look at how much good it did for them.
Real Programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference manual is the hallmark of the novice and the coward.
Real Programmers don't write in RPG .RPG is for gum-chewing dimwits who maintain ancient payroll programs.
Real Programmers don't write in COBOL .COBOL is for CO mmon Business- Oriented Laymen who can't run a business, much less write a real program.
Real Programmers don't write in FORTRAN .FORTRAN is for wimp engineers who wear white socks. They get excited over finite state analysis and nuclear reactor simulation.
Real Programmers don't write in PL/1. PL/1 is for insecure anal-retentives who can't choose between COBOL and FORTRAN .
Real Programmers don't write in BASIC . Actually, no programmer writes in BASIC after reaching puberty.
Real Programmers don't write in APL , unless the whole program can be written on one line.
Real Programmers don't write in LISP . Only idiots' programs contain more parenthesis than actual code.
Real Programmers don't write in PASCAL ,BLISS ,ADA , or any of those other sissy computer science languages. Strong typing is the crutch for people with weak minds.
Real Programmers ' programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working order in "only a few" 30-hour debugging sessions.
Real Programmers never work 9 to 5. If any Real Programmers are around at 9:00 am, its because they were up all night.
Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport which requires a change of clothes. Mountain Climbing is acceptable. Real Programmers wear climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the machine room.
Real Programmers disdain structured programming. Structured programming is for compulsive neurotics who were permanently toilet trained. They wear neckties and carefully line up sharp pencils on an otherwise clear desk.
Real Programmers don't like the team programming concept. Unless, of course they are the chief programmer.
Real Programmers never write memos on paper. They send memos via computer mail networks.
Real Programmers have no use for managers. Managers are a necessary evil. They exist only to deal with personnel bozos, bean counters, senior planners, and other mental defectives.
Real Programmers scorn floating point arithmetic. The decimal point was invented for pansy bedwetters who are unable to "think big."
Real Programmers don't drive clapped-out Mavericks. They prefer BMW's, Lincolns, or pick up trucks with floor shifts. Fast motorcycles are highly regarded.
Real Programmers don't believe in schedules. Planners make up schedules. Managers "firm up" schedules. Frightened coders strive to meet schedules. Real Programmers ignore schedules.