Follow-on from Psycho-Babel No.2 Rapid Rapport - from the inside
20/07/08 16:49 Filed in: Tip
'follow-ons'
This week’s coaching tip started with a quote from
William James: "Human beings, by changing the inner
attitudes of their minds, can change the outer
aspects of their lives"
It seems that William James may have been referencing a somewhat older text. I realised this when J.K. Rowling quoted Plutarch in her Harvard speech “What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality”. However, James does explicitly reference attitude “changing the inner attitudes of their minds”
Particularly when coaching around more fractious or difficult relationships I may ask, “What attitude are you choosing to have when you talk with this person?”
Often, though not always, this is met with confusion......
It seems that William James may have been referencing a somewhat older text. I realised this when J.K. Rowling quoted Plutarch in her Harvard speech “What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality”. However, James does explicitly reference attitude “changing the inner attitudes of their minds”
Particularly when coaching around more fractious or difficult relationships I may ask, “What attitude are you choosing to have when you talk with this person?”
Often, though not always, this is met with confusion......
This week’s coaching tip started with a quote from
William James: "Human beings, by changing the inner
attitudes of their minds, can change the outer
aspects of their lives"
It seems that William James may have been referencing a somewhat older text. I realised this when J.K. Rowling quoted Plutarch in her Harvard speech “What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality”. However, James does explicitly reference attitude “changing the inner attitudes of their minds”
Particularly when coaching around more fractious or difficult relationships I may ask, “What attitude are you choosing to have when you talk with this person?”
Often, though not always, this is met with confusion.
I’d like to relate this example back to Emotional Intelligence. One of the fundamentals of EI work is that Emotional Self-Awareness is at the core of performance. Research backs this up in that using Goleman’s model, failure to achieve sufficient levels of Self-Awareness means you only have a 17% chance of achieving high levels of performance in the area of Social Awareness (including Empathy) and only a 3% chance of achieving these in Self-Management, which importantly includes Emotional Self-Control.
Being aware of our attitude is a prime example of how self awareness will impact our ability to perform. If I approach a situation with an attitude of fear, arrogance or righteousness I’m unlikely to get a result. I can just as easily choose an attitude of learning, of understanding, of being interested.
If we’re not in the habit of consciously choosing our attitude, we need to take a short ‘stop’ - rather than rushing from one situation to another, just stop and ask ourselves a question or two to raise our self awareness. “What is my intent here? What attitude do I choose? (towards this person)”
Without taking a ‘stop’ and paying attention to what is going on internally for us, we are likely to have our attitude chosen by our unconscious and be at the mercy of our emotions.
A friend of mine recently asked Daniel Goleman how best to increase Emotional Intelligence. His answer was firstly to seek feedback, e.g via 360 degree feedback; secondly, to meditate. This may seem ‘alternative’ to many but many senior leaders meditate daily and report great results. Meditating is a bigger ‘stop’ and in some ways I think even a small stop before a meeting is also a small meditation that can connect us back to our principles, values and beliefs.
It seems that William James may have been referencing a somewhat older text. I realised this when J.K. Rowling quoted Plutarch in her Harvard speech “What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality”. However, James does explicitly reference attitude “changing the inner attitudes of their minds”
Particularly when coaching around more fractious or difficult relationships I may ask, “What attitude are you choosing to have when you talk with this person?”
Often, though not always, this is met with confusion.
I’d like to relate this example back to Emotional Intelligence. One of the fundamentals of EI work is that Emotional Self-Awareness is at the core of performance. Research backs this up in that using Goleman’s model, failure to achieve sufficient levels of Self-Awareness means you only have a 17% chance of achieving high levels of performance in the area of Social Awareness (including Empathy) and only a 3% chance of achieving these in Self-Management, which importantly includes Emotional Self-Control.
Being aware of our attitude is a prime example of how self awareness will impact our ability to perform. If I approach a situation with an attitude of fear, arrogance or righteousness I’m unlikely to get a result. I can just as easily choose an attitude of learning, of understanding, of being interested.
If we’re not in the habit of consciously choosing our attitude, we need to take a short ‘stop’ - rather than rushing from one situation to another, just stop and ask ourselves a question or two to raise our self awareness. “What is my intent here? What attitude do I choose? (towards this person)”
Without taking a ‘stop’ and paying attention to what is going on internally for us, we are likely to have our attitude chosen by our unconscious and be at the mercy of our emotions.
A friend of mine recently asked Daniel Goleman how best to increase Emotional Intelligence. His answer was firstly to seek feedback, e.g via 360 degree feedback; secondly, to meditate. This may seem ‘alternative’ to many but many senior leaders meditate daily and report great results. Meditating is a bigger ‘stop’ and in some ways I think even a small stop before a meeting is also a small meditation that can connect us back to our principles, values and beliefs.