Coaching Tip No. 17 - "Never confuse movement with action" Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961)
01/08/09 17:42 Filed in: Coaching
Tips
I love this
quote by Ernest Hemingway. He had a talent for saying
things of real import very simply. Whilst this
coaching tip relates to the quote above, how I came
to this tip is better described by a quotation
of
Albert Szent-Gyorgyi, who said "A discovery
is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind."
My mind must have been prepared, for it was seemingly by accident I asked the following question of a delegate on a workshop.
"Yes, but what do you want them to DO?".....
My mind must have been prepared, for it was seemingly by accident I asked the following question of a delegate on a workshop.
"Yes, but what do you want them to DO?".....
The workshop
is one I run with a colleague Hannah Dickinson, a
former actor who now uses her acting skills in the
corporate world. The workshop's purpose is to enable
delegates to better influence in what may be termed
'hostile' environments - where they are challenged
strongly, often by people much more senior to them.
During a time out in a 'practice session' (Hannah dislikes the term 'role-play') the delegate wanted to gain agreement from a superior on a proposal. As in many such situations with superiors, the more 'junior' person was unconsciously coming from their 'Child' to the other person's 'Parent'.
These are terms from TA (Transactional Analysis), a description of which can be found on Wikipedia here. In very simple terms, coming from child is equivalent to lowering your status. I wanted to enable the delegate to achieve a more Adult-Adult communication, and give themselves the permission they needed to make a more forceful request of their superior.
What I was surprised by then, (and nearly every time since!) was how the delegate did not describe any action, but a concept or thought...
Coachee: "I want their agreement"
Coach: "No, what do you want them to DO?"
Coachee: "I want their agreement"
Coach: "No, what action do you physically want them to take? Pick up the phone? Send an email? Sign off a budget?"
Coachee: "Oh....." (followed by some time thinking)
What had been going on was that the "junior" had been looking for their "superior's" approval... in more ways than one.
Challenging the coachee to articulate what action they wanted their superior to take completely changed the dynamic.
So my tip is to help yourself and others to be clear about the difference between movement and action.
Next time you make a proposal to someone, check you are clear "What action is it that I want them to take?";
next time someone comes to you with a request or proposal, it may be appropriate to ask them "What specific action is it that you want me to take?";
and for juniors, this may be an opportunity to lift their status and help them gain clarity;
and finally, for peers and superiors, check internally if the actions required are clear or not...
I'm grateful for this 'accident' as it has since enabled me to further help others to action.
Thanks for listening and as always, if you know anyone who might benefit from receiving these tips, please pass it on....
During a time out in a 'practice session' (Hannah dislikes the term 'role-play') the delegate wanted to gain agreement from a superior on a proposal. As in many such situations with superiors, the more 'junior' person was unconsciously coming from their 'Child' to the other person's 'Parent'.
These are terms from TA (Transactional Analysis), a description of which can be found on Wikipedia here. In very simple terms, coming from child is equivalent to lowering your status. I wanted to enable the delegate to achieve a more Adult-Adult communication, and give themselves the permission they needed to make a more forceful request of their superior.
What I was surprised by then, (and nearly every time since!) was how the delegate did not describe any action, but a concept or thought...
Coachee: "I want their agreement"
Coach: "No, what do you want them to DO?"
Coachee: "I want their agreement"
Coach: "No, what action do you physically want them to take? Pick up the phone? Send an email? Sign off a budget?"
Coachee: "Oh....." (followed by some time thinking)
What had been going on was that the "junior" had been looking for their "superior's" approval... in more ways than one.
Challenging the coachee to articulate what action they wanted their superior to take completely changed the dynamic.
So my tip is to help yourself and others to be clear about the difference between movement and action.
Next time you make a proposal to someone, check you are clear "What action is it that I want them to take?";
next time someone comes to you with a request or proposal, it may be appropriate to ask them "What specific action is it that you want me to take?";
and for juniors, this may be an opportunity to lift their status and help them gain clarity;
and finally, for peers and superiors, check internally if the actions required are clear or not...
I'm grateful for this 'accident' as it has since enabled me to further help others to action.
Thanks for listening and as always, if you know anyone who might benefit from receiving these tips, please pass it on....