Tip No.6 Getting it out on the table
15/09/08 17:12 Filed in: Coaching
Tips
"This isn't what I signed up for!"
"I can't believe he did that!"
"This isn't what we agreed!"
Expressions we can be all too familiar with - expressions often vented with frustration, anger or despair.
What's going on here? Many times, especially in business, an upset is caused because expectations haven't been met - an unspoken 'contract' has been broken.
When we think of legal contracts, we mostly think of written documents, visible to the naked eye. The details of our obligations are scrutinised by the parties involved and we physically sign the documents to acknowledge our agreement and commitments.
What we rarely acknowledge consciously are the invisible contracts that exist in our heads that remain unscrutinised. Contracts that others haven't actually signed up to. Contracts that we get very upset about when they are broken.....
"I can't believe he did that!"
"This isn't what we agreed!"
Expressions we can be all too familiar with - expressions often vented with frustration, anger or despair.
What's going on here? Many times, especially in business, an upset is caused because expectations haven't been met - an unspoken 'contract' has been broken.
When we think of legal contracts, we mostly think of written documents, visible to the naked eye. The details of our obligations are scrutinised by the parties involved and we physically sign the documents to acknowledge our agreement and commitments.
What we rarely acknowledge consciously are the invisible contracts that exist in our heads that remain unscrutinised. Contracts that others haven't actually signed up to. Contracts that we get very upset about when they are broken.....
There are times when a concept from psychology and therapy are useful in business and sometimes when they're not. One concept that is very useful is that of 'contracting'. When a therapist (or coach!) takes on a client it is very important to get clarity around the boundaries of the relationship, responsibilities and obligations and a good deal of effort is expended in getting this right, up front.
Eric Berne, the father of transactional Analysis (TA) defined a contract as "an explicit bilateral commitment to a well-defined course of action." That sounds a lot to me like the sort of agreements we think we're making in business all the time...
Think of the last time someone didn't meet your expectations, or when you fell short of someone else's. Did you really have a firm explicit contract?
The concept of contracting is used by Michael Watkins in his excellent book 'The First 90 Days - Critical Strategies for New Leaders at All Levels'. Whilst Watkins terms this "Negotiating for success", I think this process is about contracting well.
The most important relationship during the first 90 days of a new role tends to be with our manager. Watkins is telling us not to assume that the new boss has read and signed up to the contract we have in our head, and vice versa - that we need to get our virtual contracts out on the table and be very explicit in our agreements. Not only that, we need to revisit these contracts as things change.
Imagine this - take out the contract you have with your boss in your head and put it on the table for them to read and sign up to. Would there be any surprises for them and would they be able to sign it?
Likewise, can you articulate with certainty the contract your boss has with you in their head and could you sign theirs?
This exercise in not only valuable with the relationship you have with your boss. What about your employees? What about your other stakeholders? How explicit are your contracts with them?
It seems ironic that the words for the things that are most important to us - our Values - are so vague! Integrity, Truth, Honesty, Loyalty, Trust.... These words just don't mean the same things to everyone.
I recommend as you examine your virtual contracts - that it's a good idea to pay attention to the vague values and adjectives that can mean so many different things to different people..... I mean what's a quality job?