Coaching Tip No.13 - Trying Really Hard
18/01/09 14:21 Filed in: Coaching
Tips
"We
cannot always control our thoughts, but we can
control our words, and repetition impresses the
subconscious, and we are then master of the
situation."
Florence Scovel Shinn (1871-1940)
I have this habit which I guess must be annoying to some. When I'm coaching or facilitating and somebody is saying they are going to "try to do something" I place my pen on the palm of my hand and stretch it out in front of them, with the invitation to "Try and pick the pen up from my hand".
Some people think this is a trick and consequently snatch it out of my hand really quickly. Their body language says "Aha! I got it!".....
Most people just pick up the pen, some confidently, some tentatively. No more than a handful of people have ever complied with my actual request.....
Florence Scovel Shinn (1871-1940)
I have this habit which I guess must be annoying to some. When I'm coaching or facilitating and somebody is saying they are going to "try to do something" I place my pen on the palm of my hand and stretch it out in front of them, with the invitation to "Try and pick the pen up from my hand".
Some people think this is a trick and consequently snatch it out of my hand really quickly. Their body language says "Aha! I got it!".....
Most people just pick up the pen, some confidently, some tentatively. No more than a handful of people have ever complied with my actual request.....
Back to the example:
I say "No. You picked it up. Can you please put it back and try and pick it up?"
- confusion -
They place it back. "OK, now try and pick it up" Most people still pick it up
I say "No. You picked it up. Can you please put it back and try to pick it up?"
- more confusion -
For some the realisation comes more quickly, and they hold the pen in place, trying to pick it up, and some people don't get it at all and continue to pick the pen from my hand.
Why do I use such an annoying practice? I do this because I really want to make a couple of points. Firstly, there is a real
difference between trying and doing; and even more importantly, that when we say we will try and do something, we are programming ourselves to fail or at least to struggle.
An important thing to realise is that while your conscious mind is reading this and is aware of a lot of things around you right now, it is your Unconscious mind that is doing most of the work in running your body and mind. In the world of NLP, they quote research that showing your conscious mind only controls two to four percent of your perceptions and behaviour and that our unconscious mind controls ninety-six to to ninety-eight percent.
Let's use a simple example of losing weight. Someone says they're going to try and lose half a stone in two months. That seems OK at a conscious level but at an unconscious level it's very different. As far as the unconscious mind is concerned, as soon as they have refused that first cake, then they have completed their objective. They have tried to lose weight - job done!
Using 'try' in our language is a way of (unconsciously) giving ourselves a back door or an escape route. I recommend you pay
attention to your own language. If you notice yourself saying you'll try to do something, it's an opportunity to stop and
evaluate if you mean it or not, if you really want to put the effort in and the right pay off is there for you.
I'd like to acknowledge David Shephard as I learned this habit from him.