Sun - December 21, 2003

Viva La Difference!


It's being exposed to thing different from ourselves that makes us more accepting.

My marriage is interracial. My wife is Korean and I'm, well, Caucasian basically. Does that make me part Asian? After all, the word "Caucasian" contains the word "asian". Being in an interracial marriage has made me more accepting of culture differences. I've always been a fairly accepting person. After all, my mom is involved with the National Organization for Women and my dad has spent his fare share of time with the Sierra Club. They are both liberal democrats despite the fact that my dad voted for Nixon when he ran against Kennedy. I'll bet more women voted for Kennedy than for Nixon. Or maybe the women watched the debate on TV while the men listened to it on the radio.

There are a lot of differences between Koreans and Caucasians. Some are big, some are small. Let me share a few examples with you.

To Peel or Not to Peel
Today my daughter asked her Korean Grandmother for an apple. Her Grandmother peeled all the skin off the apple then sliced it and gave it to her. I'm sure there are Caucasians that peel all the skin off the apple but it appears to be something that all Koreans do. My wife Jeannie and I each ate a piece of apple. Jeannie said, "These taste old." Her Mother said they were from Thanksgiving. I then asked her, "Which year?" They laughed. Apparently some humor is universal.

Soap Operas
My in-laws have a special satellite service so they can watch TV channels from Korea. In the evenings they will watch Korean soap operas. Some of them have subtitles (which is good for me) and some don't. It's like the people that make these shows don't realize that some of the people that watch Korean TV don't speak Korean. These soap operas only run for about two years each and then they end regardless of how popular they are. That at least makes them more believable than the soaps the run here. The go on for years and years until everyone has slept with everyone else and everyone has been accused of murdering everyone else. And while Korean soap operas take place both inside and outside (like real life), American soaps seem to take place only indoors and inside very well lighted rooms. Not that I've watched a lot of American soap operas of course. Well, there was that one summer during high school where I couldn't find a job. I kept wondering when Luke would find Laura on General Hospital.....

There are also Korean TV movies which are only about an hour in length. Now these really have to be seen to be completely appreciated but I'll do my best. I remember one where this widow has a son in high school and he's having problems paying attention in class. Her son's teacher pays a visit to explain the situation and before long you can tell they like each other. This doesn't sit well with her live-in in-laws who remind her that she should still be in mourning over the death of their son whose been dead for who knows how long. So despite the teachers feelings for her, she doesn't allow the relationship to get off the ground. The teacher eventually decides he can't take it and decides to move away to another town. The son, knowing his mother's feelings for the teacher, tells her that the teacher is leaving by train and the two of them make it to the train station just in time to see the train leaving.

Many years later he returns. It's clear he's never married choosing instead to spend his years pining for his unrequited love. He goes to her house and she pretends to be asleep. It turns out that she's had a stroke and doesn't want him to see her in less than perfect condition. Of course, he doesn't know that and leaves with a heavy heart. I'm waiting for the next scene where they somehow end up together but instead she dies and the movie ends. Now you're probably thinking what I was thinking. Huh? It can't end like that! Well, yes it can. You see, Koreans like tragedies. I'm not sure I understand why but perhaps it makes them feel better seeing someone else who's worse off than they are. Americans watch Jerry Springer for the same reason.

TV Singers
In the US if someone is singing on TV they probably are famous and have a long and interesting story about how they got there. In Korea, all you have to do is enter a singing contest. You win a few of these and before long, you're on TV singing Korean folk songs. And they put on quite a production. Laser lights cut through the fog that covers the stage while confetti rains down and flash pots go off like cannons. It reminds me of a KISS concert. If it weren't for the heavy metal music, I'm sure that my in-laws would be KISS fans.

Food
My in-laws are quite proud of the fact that the Wall Street Journal recently voted the Korean diet as the healthiest diet in the world. And they should be proud because it is. It's mostly vegetables and very little that is processed. There's not much fat, oil or anything else bad for you. You can stuff yourself on Korean food and not really worry about gaining weight. You don't see many fat asians.

There is nothing that most Americans consume with every meal (except perhaps beer). Koreans on the other hand wouldn't think of having a meal without Kim-chi. Kim-chi is basically fermented cabbage with lots of crushed red pepper. When I say "lots" that doesn't really describe it. Koreans put crushed red pepper in everything. Go to a Korean grocery store. They sell crushed red pepper in five pound bags. For the average Korean family, that lasts about three months. It would last the rest of us a life time. Needless to say, Korean food is very spicy. Chinese (and especially Japanese) food are bland by comparison. It's a good thing I happen to really like Korean food. It's an especially good thing because both my wife and her mother are excellent cooks. How good? Well, my mother-in-law ran her own Korean restaurant in Killeen for 15 years. And my wife learned to cook from her.

Koreans eat the same food for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The Kim-chi they had with dinner last night is even better this morning.

When most people think of a birthday, they think of the cake. Well, Koreans have birthday cakes too. However, the special dish for birthdays is seaweed soup. Now most people think of seaweed as that stinky stuff that washes up on the beach. Who would want to put that in a bowl with hot water and eat it? Well, it's actually quite good (unless you're my mom who hates it, but then she likes mushrooms so go figure).

Another delicacy is raw crab. Yes, I'm talking uncooked crab marinated in some kind of sauce. Jeannie says that the marinade does what cooking would do so you don't have to worry about getting sick. It's not whatever is in the crab that's going to make me sick. I'm going to get sick long before it ever makes it into my mouth. They also eat raw squid. You can see the little suckers on the legs and everything. I grew up on processed food so I'm not used to my meal looking anything like it did before it was my meal.

Gossip
Koreans love to gossip. Now, I know what you're thinking. Doesn't everybody? Well, not like Koreans. Trust me. Buy comparison, the rest of us are amateurs. They know who's done what to whom and with whom. Saving face is really important to Koreans so you'd think everyone would be pretty tight-lipped about things. So how is it that everyone knows so much about what's going on in the lives of everyone else? I still haven't figured that one out. When I do, I'll get back to you. And when you ask a Korean how things are going, what you get is the opposite of the truth. Ask a Korean how their business is doing and they will frown and tell you how bad it is and how you should never go into their line of work. They are probably really doing extremely well. How you tell which is which is a skill I have yet to master. Fortunately, I have a translator: my wife Jeannie.

Placing Blame
In the US when a building suddenly collapses, we investigate and blame the architect for not designing it properly or the builder for not building it right. But in Korea, saving face is just too important. So when a building collapses, they say "There were too many people in that building." or when a bridge falls apart, they say, "There were too many cars on that bridge." They don't want to point the finger at anyone. My Father-in-law thinks this is hilarious. My Brother-in-law's wife who was born and raised in Korea is embarrassed by it because Korea is still her mother country. But she shouldn't be embarrassed. It's just different.

We're all Caucasian
Korean's think of themselves as no different from Caucasians. When my wife read this blog entry she said our marriage is intercultural and NOT interracial. Well, it's certainly intercultural but it is also interracial. She is Asian, I'm Caucasian. Perhaps this is why despite prejudice and intolerance, Asian immigrants often do very well when they come to the US. They don't think of themselves as victims. Far from it. For them the US is a golden land of opportunity. I think they come here expecting the gold to come easier than it actually does. But when they find out the truth, they don't whine about it. They just work harder.

So are Asians just better people than most Caucasians? No. They are not better or worst. They are different in some ways. But it is experiencing all those differences that makes me aware that we are all so much alike. In fact, all of the differences I described are cultural and not racial at all. This illustrates my point. We are all very much alike. Our differences just make us more interesting. Why some people choose to show their ignorance by being prejudice is beyond me. I can only think that they are scared of what they don't understand. I say viva la difference! I wonder if the French say that?

Posted at 10:49 PM     Read More  


Sat - December 20, 2003

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger (or at least, doesn't kill you)


Yes, the 4th Infantry, my in-laws and my second cousin Lisa all have something in common.

I realized recently that there may be people reading my blogs without knowing who all the characters are. I'll lay it all out for you: Jeannie (33) is my wife. Mia (2.5) is our daughter and Sam (0.416) is our son. If you know me, you know that I didn't major in English. So if I occassionally, put an apostrophe in the wrong place, use "there" when I should have used "their" or have some other grammatical accident, get used to it. It's probably not going to improve any time soon. In fact, I'm going to turn 40 next month so I doubt it's going to ever get better. The Alcoholics Anonymous serenity prayer says (and I'm paraphrasing here) "Give me that ability to change what I can, accept what I can't and the wisdom to know that difference." Well, the quality of my writing is one of those things you are just going to have to accept. It won't always make my second grade teacher Mrs. Homringhouse proud, but I'll at least try to make it thought-provoking and at least mildly interesting. I promise however that my spelling will be top notch as that's being taken care of by my very focused and dependable computer.

All 74.916 of us were in Killeen, Texas visiting my in-laws this past weekend. Yes, it's the same Killeen, Texas that's home to the 4th Infantry (at Fort Hood). These are the men and women that rescued Saddam Hussein from that hole he was living in. Killeen is basically a military town. If Fort Hood ever closed, it would take the town with it. But being a military town isn't so bad. My Brother-In-Law owns several car washes here and most military folks are young so their car is the most expensive thing they own. That means they take good care of it. You do the math.

We were in Killeen for my Father-In-Law's 66th birthday. I told him he doesn't look a day over 65. Honestly, he looks great for his age. He's in excellent heath and I have no doubt that he will live well into his 90's and beyond. He's one of those people that you can't help but respect. He brought his family to the US with very little, worked extremely hard, raised two great kids and owns his own businesses. He has achieved the American dream. He's an honest person full of integrity. He will drop everything to help you out and you know you can always count on him. He's got his own back hoe and dump truck. You've got to respect a man that has his own back hoe and dump truck. My Mother-In-Law is the same but I'm not going to go into that now. After all, it's not her birthday.

They say that when you marry, you also marry your spouse's family. That's really true. My in-laws are all among the finest people I know. I think I got a great deal.

I have a second cousin named Lisa. Although she is my second cousin, I really think of her almost like a niece. Perhaps it's because I was about 15 when she was born. I found out this weekend that she had a tumor on her spine in her neck removed last week. She felt ill, then started having back pain and before she knew it her legs weren't working right. They removed the tumor but afterwards she couldn't feel anything below her navel. The doctors did some tests and found her reflexes are working so it's probably just a matter of time before she's back on her feet again. I'm sure this really blind-sided her but she's in good spirits. She told me that everyone needs to have something like this happen occasionally to remind us of what we have. Those weren't her words exactly (that's why I didn't quote them). Her words were far more eloquent than mine. I've got to write things down more often.

I'm proud of Lisa. She's got the right attitude. Many people would be drowning themselves in self-pity when faced with something like this. "Why is this happening to me?" they'd ask. Well, it's going to happen to someone. Why not you? Lisa on the other hand is seeing that something positive will come out of this. She sees that what she is going through will make her appreciate things even more and she'll be a stronger person because of it. She told me next week she'll be transfered to a rehab center for a month. I just hope they have internet access. If they don't, well, I wouldn't want to be them.

The military, my in-laws and cousin Lisa may appear to have nothing in common but actually, they do. They have to because this entry was mostly stream of consciousness and here I am at the end where I have to tie it all together. Seriously, they've all had to go through things that have tested them and came out stronger on the other side. Does strength build character and lead to the right attitude or does having the right attitude make you stronger? I don't know but they all have my respect.

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Sat - November 29, 2003

Our Nordstroms Elevator Adventure


We went to the mall and got stuck in the elevator at Nordstroms.

Yesterday (the day after Thanksgiving and the busiest shopping day of the year) we decided to join the herd and and do some shopping. We went to TJ Maxx, then Sam's Club and finally the Barton Creek Mall. After an hour or so at the mall, Sam was getting tired and grumpy so we decided to leave. We parked by the side entrance of Nordstroms which apparently is some kind of parking vortex because there was plenty of parking available there. We went through Nordstroms to their elevator to get to the first floor.

We got in the elevator with a very pregnant woman, her two year old, and her mother (as we found out later). I pushed the button and decided that this was either the smoothest elevator I'd ever rode in or it wasn't moving. I pushed the button again and again. Nothing. Then I started to remember that one of the definitions of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. So I pushed the emergency call button. A recording came on reminding us that we were stuck in an elevator at Nordstroms (thank God for modern technology) and then it hung up on us. This is where I started to get concerned as the pregnant woman looked very pregnant and we soon found out her due date was the next day. I was able to pry the doors open a bit only to discover that we were between floors so getting out on our own probably wasn't an option. I decided that everyone is a little insane and pushed the emergency call button again. This time after the recording ended, a woman came on and asked us what the problem was (as if that wasn't obvious) and where we were. I filled her in and she said a technician would be right over to get us out.

At this point everyone started to accept the fact that we were going to be stuck in the elevator for a while. That is, everyone except the kids. They were just having fun, completely oblivious to the situation. But women that are nine months pregnant with a due date of tomorrow don't get stuck in elevators right? That only happens in the movies right? Wrong. The pregnant woman's mother starts talking about an elevator at her work that plunged several stories before the emergency brakes kicked in. She won't ride in that elevator anymore. I tried my best to convince her that elevators have the best safety record of any form or mechanized travel. It didn't appear to help.

At this point, Sam's getting hungry so Jeannie sits down on the floor to nurse him. It's getting hot because elevators don't have air conditioning so we all starting taking off our sweaters. Except the pregnant woman's mother who unfortunately isn't wearing anything under her sweatshirt so taking it off isn't an option. Petula (the other two year old girl) poops in her diaper to remind us all that elevators are small and have little air circulation. The pregnant woman is trying to help her claustrophobic mother "find a happy place" and I'm trying to recall what I learned in our childbirth class two and a half years ago about doing an emergency delivery.

After about 20 minutes we hear the voice of the tech asking if everyone is OK. To help motivate him to work fast, I let him know we have a pregnant woman that could go into labor at any moment. A few minutes later, the elevator starts moving again and we are back on the 2nd floor. The doors open and we are greeted by a Nordstroms customer service rep who apologizes to us for the inconvenience and give us all coupons for a free meal at the Nordstroms bistro (a place so expensive that I'd only eat there via a free coupon). We still needed to get to the first floor and I was tempted to give the Nordstroms elevator another chance but in the end we decided to try another one. Unfortunately, the closest elevator was at the food court so we started heading in that direction. We were soon greeted by the store manager who again apologized, gave us some really nice bottles of Nordstroms water (yes, they have their own water that comes from a glacier somewhere-and you thought the glaciers were getting smaller due to global warming), balloons for the kids and more meal tickets. I was certainly happy to see that Nordstroms had trained there staff on how to treat those that survive a malfunctioning elevator.

So our trip to the mall started out like any other and ended like no other. That's life.

Posted at 10:49 AM     Read More  


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