Tue - January 18, 2005

Kabbunk


Winter of Your Discontent is Another Man's Path to Enlightenment

I know it's been awhile. Guess you could call it a "mental hibernation"...Or whatever other hibernation entails addiction to online Texas Hold Em', gorging holiday treats, and blatant indifference to the blog-reading public.

Anyway, it's a new year, so what better way to start it off than by embracing the latest fame-whore fad religion. That's right. Yours truly has discovered the sublime Technicolor® magic that is Kabbalah. Sure, at first glance it seems like that Scientology crap that deluded John Travolta into dumping Battlefield Earth on humanity. But, trust me, Kaballah is nothing like that. While all you suckers are busy clamoring over some tidal wave, we Kabbalites are chanting up a storm to cure Chernobyl. Unreadable religious texts, "healing water," and the knowledge that "I belong to same cult as Madonna, Britney, Paris, and Demi...Isn't it AWESOME!" can all be yours too all for the low-low, call-now, welcome-to-2005 rate of $1500! That's right, for the cost of a week's supply of cocaine...YOU can change a forgotten Russian nuclear reactor's life. It's gonna be a fun year, kids.


Spoiler McTaddle
That's right, Billy Boy, sing the Kabbalah hymns. Fear the Kabbalah!!!!!!!!!

Posted at 10:41 PM    

Tue - April 13, 2004

A Friend In Need


Have You Ever Dared to Dream? My Friend Has a Dream

Many of us are old enough to remember a golden age of music...Bands rocked arenas not silly little clubs. "Alternative" was just another brand of hairspray and instruments came in more shapes and colors than Lucky Charms. One of the weapons of choice on the front lines of 80s music was the Keytar. With time and erosion of good taste, however, our culture has relegated this masterful tool to a mere novelty. Yet not all have forgotten the epic reverberations of the mighty Keytar. A friend of mine really wants one...And he's broke...so if any of you have a Keytar sitting around or want to buy one for some dude...drop me a line. Thanks.




Save the music!!!!!!

Posted at 08:52 PM    

Fri - January 9, 2004

Time To Get Personal


I Ramble On About Celebrities and Newsworthy Events So Much...That I Often Get Lost in the Shuffle

She was in my arms. She was mine...If but for a moment she was. Tired of staring at the phone. Sick of thinking about her. It all happened so fast. They said it could never happen. But we belonged to each other. She seemed so untouchable...for so long. Always was her shoulder to cry on. The patient ear 1,000 miles away. Never wanted the money. They're all wrong about that. I really love her. The disaster that she is. I adore her. Really believed "forever" was ours...Yet 55 hours are far too fleeting. Our legal bond may be severed...But my very pulse is intertwined with her. Perhaps I should kill the Romantic in me. Not sure how I would go about that. Anyone have any suggestions? Thanks for listening.

Douche Larue

Posted at 07:28 PM    

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