40 Acres and a Chicken
A Weekend in the Rose City Offers an Extra-Crispy
Perspective on Life
In case you missed it, Portland, Oregon (two
syllables not three) was the CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE last weekend. Sure Bush and
Kerry were in town...but that's page 2 news, folks (Although Kerry nearly ran
over my friend on his speedy street cycle...oh well, guess he would have had
another purple heart coming his way...bound to be a nasty scab).
Not even The Bite of Portland festival (celebrating food, drink, and washed up 70/80's bands) could compete with the spectacle unfolding on NE Weidler Street. Once again, the Northwest proletariat raised it's collective voice in anger toward The Man...This time expressing dismay at how he raises his chickens. That's right. Dozens of children of hallucinogens and free love unified in protest against the Colonel and his tasty chicken. At first, of course, I was frightened by the loud chants, poster board slogans, and graphic chicken slaughter images (courtesy of an LCD monitor on a woman's stomach)...But with time came education...and with education...Empowerment.
A gentleman in the guise of a blood soaked/feathered Colonel Sanders w/machete informed me that KFC murders millions of innocent chickens every day. "Murder!?" I choked. "I thought their chickens died of natural causes or old age." Suddenly, I felt my stomach turn...Blameless chicken blood tore at its lining and that of my intestines. Oh only the chicken adventures these hens and roosters might have enjoyed if not for the bloodthirsty appetite of Kentucky Fried Carnage! It was becoming quite clear that this fast-food empire was far worse than anything that Hitler, Stalin, and Saddam could have imagined for planet Earth.
In a world consumed by war, poverty, and hunger, it's easy to forget about the plight of our feathered brethren...Quite possibly perhaps because the slaughter of these creatures might help alleviate the poverty/hunger aspect of human misery...Wait a minute...Those damn hippies are full of shit
Douche Larue
Learn to brake, A-hole!
Not even The Bite of Portland festival (celebrating food, drink, and washed up 70/80's bands) could compete with the spectacle unfolding on NE Weidler Street. Once again, the Northwest proletariat raised it's collective voice in anger toward The Man...This time expressing dismay at how he raises his chickens. That's right. Dozens of children of hallucinogens and free love unified in protest against the Colonel and his tasty chicken. At first, of course, I was frightened by the loud chants, poster board slogans, and graphic chicken slaughter images (courtesy of an LCD monitor on a woman's stomach)...But with time came education...and with education...Empowerment.
A gentleman in the guise of a blood soaked/feathered Colonel Sanders w/machete informed me that KFC murders millions of innocent chickens every day. "Murder!?" I choked. "I thought their chickens died of natural causes or old age." Suddenly, I felt my stomach turn...Blameless chicken blood tore at its lining and that of my intestines. Oh only the chicken adventures these hens and roosters might have enjoyed if not for the bloodthirsty appetite of Kentucky Fried Carnage! It was becoming quite clear that this fast-food empire was far worse than anything that Hitler, Stalin, and Saddam could have imagined for planet Earth.
In a world consumed by war, poverty, and hunger, it's easy to forget about the plight of our feathered brethren...Quite possibly perhaps because the slaughter of these creatures might help alleviate the poverty/hunger aspect of human misery...Wait a minute...Those damn hippies are full of shit
Douche Larue
Learn to brake, A-hole!
Posted: Sun - August 22, 2004 at 07:43 PM
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Published On: May 02, 2005 08:05 PM
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Published On: May 02, 2005 08:05 PM