Tue - February 1, 2005

Welcome To The Terrordome Of The Rock


Iraqi Insurgents Pinch First Fully-Posable Hostage

Those diabolical Islamic geniuses are at it again. From the people who brought you "crashing stuff into other stuff" combat now comes the kidnapping of G.I. Jerome! (See below). Sources close to the Pentagon, however, assure me that a crack commando unit including Woody the Cowboy, Buzz Lightyear, and Mr. Potato Head is on its way to Iraq to rescue our kung-fu gripping compatriot as I type. Have these barbarians no decency!? Who's next? Malibu Ken? He-Man? Sealed or open-box...terror does not discriminate.

Spoiler Mctaddle



This makes Abu Ghraib look like a picnic!


Posted at 11:49 PM    

Thu - April 29, 2004

Village Pendejo


Professional Student Questions the Valor of Fallen Ranger

Hope Rene Gonzalez has his bags packed for Puerto Rico...No doubt his little diatribe exploring why Pat Tillman is/was not a hero was just another desperate cry from a self-hating frat (Latino chapter of course...Courtesy of the ACLU) reprobate for attention. Nonetheless, he can probably expect numerous barbs from the media and ass-kickings galore...Deservedly so.

Maybe Tillman didn't measure up to Gonzalez's standard of hero (Moby, Sean Penn, Michael Moore) but he pretty much embodied the virtues that human history has celebrated as "heroic." When with the Arizona Cardinals, Tillman turned down more money from a better team (Rams) to honor his commitment to the team that drafted him. One would be hard pressed to find a dozen athletes in all professional sports who exhibit that kind of loyalty and selflessness. Yet that sacrifice wasn't enough for Tillman. He gave up the comforts that we take for granted and gave his life for his beliefs. Whether one agrees with the "War on Terror," Bush, or war in general...The nobility and courage of an individual surrendering his/her life for conviction cannot be denied.

Like many academiacs, Rene Gonzalez imagines that all the world's problems can be solved by musings of the intelligentsia at ivy-covered university campuses. It may surprise him to learn, however, that Brooke Farm was a horrible failure, and that if he were to try his diplomatic hand (directly...not via computer or college rag) with the Islamic militants...He would surely be returning home in a casket draped with a poncho. If not for having a pussy name like "Rene"...Surely for having values opposed to hardline Islam. People who blow up kids are not looking to discuss conflict resolution.

At the end of the day, Pat Tillman and his legacy will inspire countless people in countless ways. Gonzalez and his friends (if he has any) will continue to pursue self-delusion and irrelevancy in their "studies."

Douche Larue


Sorry, Speedy. Rene has brought shame to the family name

Posted at 03:15 PM    

Wed - April 14, 2004

Piece of the Middle East


Time For a New Trail of Tears...Too Bad Islam Forbids Casinos

Have the Palestinians displaced the French as the biggest pussies on earth? Not likely...Nonetheless, the whining coming from the Holy Land is getting really tired. Are we really supposed to feel sorry for a society that embraces ignorance, kills women and children, and then claims victimhood? The Palestinians have the whole Arab world open for their relocation. Why not inconvenience fellow Muslim brethren with their anarchy and hysteria? Their claim to the West Bank/Jerusalem is merely an extension of the larger Muslim crusade to eradicate the Jewish presence in the region. It's absolutely absurd to parallel the plight of Islamic hoodlums with people who have truly been oppressed throughout history. What the Palestinians have and will experience is justice...That's right Richard Gere...Keep a sharp lookout for Israeli tanks in your backyard.



Even Hamas needs a break once in awhile...Nothing like a frappuccino before you blow up your next Starbuck's

Posted at 08:40 PM    

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