Wed - March 30, 2005

Junk Science


Remember Frank Grimes from The Simpsons? Well, apparently he has a less attractive older brother.

Technology...My how it has changed our lives. Used to be that if you never wanted to see a channel (Lifetime, Bravo, etc.), you would program your remote or receiver to skip said channel(s). Well, thanks to Sam Kimery those days are a thing of the past. For a mere $8.95 plus shipping, you can install Kimery's amazing FOXBlocker filter on your very own television set! This clever device (that requires you to install it on the back of your TV...perfect for entertainment centers) blocks one channel (Fox News) 100% out of your life!!! Nearly one hundred customers incapable of programming remotes and/or receivers have already taken advantage of this stellar piece of nerd rage. So if you hate Fox News or just want to spot a miserable, lonely, middle-aged tool 9 bucks, pick one up now.

Spoiler McTaddle




Another satisfied Enzyte customer

Posted at 10:04 PM    

Mon - September 6, 2004

Heart The Size Of Manhattan


Michael Moore Gives Mother Teresa a Run for Her Money

That's right, kids. Michael Moore is not submitting his fantasy epic Fahrenheit 9/11 for "Best Documentary" consideration at the Oscars. Utterly befuddled, I wondered, "Does this have anything to do with Vera Wang's complete disregard for the 'husky' gentleman on the red carpet?"...But oh was I wrong. Once again, Mike has seen fit to sacrifice himself for the betterment of all living creatures. By submitting Heit to the Academy, he would be sabotaging any chance of having it broadcast on network TV. Journalists claim Moore's reluctance for submission stems from his desire for a "Best Picture" honor...But who are we gonna believe...Really.
Don't get your hopes up too much about seeing Heit on the tube, however. According to Moore, some lucrative deals that he signed with the DVD distributor may force you to pay to see the flick...Bummer...At least Mike is in there fighting for us. One way or the other, it's super IMPORTANT that everyone sees this film. Despite Moore being $250 million behind Jesus at the box office, there is no doubt in my mind that the election of 2004 hinges on our wild, wooly friend from Manhattan. Force your friends to watch Fahrenheit 9/11. If they don't hate Bush or register to vote by movie's end...They are bound to join 24 Hour Fitness and/or get a haircut.





Kerry must buy 20 Year CD's at the same bank as Moore!...And like any good fan of Bowling for Columbine, I'm sure he's somehow destroying that gun or otherwise rendering it harmless.

Posted at 05:07 PM    

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