Homer-Sexual
Something Funny Happened to the
Illiad
on the Way to the Silver Screen...
Despite shortcomings in dialogue, acting, story,
and overall masculinity, Wolfgang Petersen's
Troy
is a virtual
tour de
force of homo-eroticism and fancy laddery.
Like male nudity? Petersen's got your back (not to mention numerous shots of
Brad Pitt's). Orlando Bloom's turn as Paris proves once again that he(?) should
only be allowed to portray Peter Pan in all future endeavors. Honestly, Frodo
from
LOTR
almost seems "rugged" juxtaposed to the fair(y) prince of Troy...Perhaps
Wolfgang should have contemplated casting Bloom as Helen and Diane Kruger as
Paris. Are we really supposed to believe this guy is the Hulk's
brother?
Straight from his stint with Shakespeare in the Park (Akron, OH), Brian Cox steals the show as King Agamemnon. Not since Prince John in Disney's Robin Hood has a villain so inspired trembling by an audience! Not to say that the tyrant king's cunning and conspiring are unappreciated...The three hours of Troy would have expired even slower without Cox's comic relief.
Transcending the "warrior" stereotype, Brad Pitt adds a whole new dimension to the character of Achilles. When not slaying giants or hordes of Trojans, Achs transforms into a melancholy rock star (i.e. that shaggy singer from Matchbox Twenty)...Pondering immortality and the human condition. This is certainly NOT the Achilles who I paralleled to O-Dog from Menace II Society in a freshman English essay.
From a visual standpoint, Troy offers more than pretty boys and pastel loins. The CGI is absolutely incredible...I half expected Jar Jar Binks to jump out of one of the 1000 ships that look exactly the same!
So if you're looking for mindless entertainment or taut, tanned, hairless male bodies, give Troy a spin...And have yourself a gay ole' time.
Douche Larue
After viewing Achilles frolicking with his cousin amongst the columns, a mother is forced to confront her son's dubious sexuality.
Straight from his stint with Shakespeare in the Park (Akron, OH), Brian Cox steals the show as King Agamemnon. Not since Prince John in Disney's Robin Hood has a villain so inspired trembling by an audience! Not to say that the tyrant king's cunning and conspiring are unappreciated...The three hours of Troy would have expired even slower without Cox's comic relief.
Transcending the "warrior" stereotype, Brad Pitt adds a whole new dimension to the character of Achilles. When not slaying giants or hordes of Trojans, Achs transforms into a melancholy rock star (i.e. that shaggy singer from Matchbox Twenty)...Pondering immortality and the human condition. This is certainly NOT the Achilles who I paralleled to O-Dog from Menace II Society in a freshman English essay.
From a visual standpoint, Troy offers more than pretty boys and pastel loins. The CGI is absolutely incredible...I half expected Jar Jar Binks to jump out of one of the 1000 ships that look exactly the same!
So if you're looking for mindless entertainment or taut, tanned, hairless male bodies, give Troy a spin...And have yourself a gay ole' time.
Douche Larue
After viewing Achilles frolicking with his cousin amongst the columns, a mother is forced to confront her son's dubious sexuality.
Posted: Wed - May 19, 2004 at 07:55 PM
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Published On: May 02, 2005 08:05 PM
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Published On: May 02, 2005 08:05 PM