Like some movie heroes, I'll could say: "I knew the love before to die!"
An unlucky love? But who am I to be allowed to hope to can love luckily my son Alessandro Emanuele and my Alessia in the same life?
It was already the biggest joy and pride to can know them and have one of them on my side and BOTH.... in the happiest part of my life, the unforgettable 2003!
And they are still now the bigger reasons to live! They gives me the force to be witness of this love that embraces both and still burns in me day after day bigger and bigger, larger and larger, by extending it to all of you and pushes me to love so much even so many other people!
Let me try to show and to share with all of you what it means, what I understood in a life... by far before to know them, let me try to make you a gift, still don't knowing which one, but for sure .. 'how': with LOVE, love for all the unknown that will pass by here.. and that I would like to give a rest, a peaceful loving one , as ever in our home, even in our little tent if in a camping, no matter... come and stay to drink a warm cup of tea with me, with us...
I will not tell you our story... it's too deeply closed in my heart too hard to be believed, followed and understood 'by reason', but let me shine its rays to warm your heart too, like a Sun that is far hotter inside than at the surface, but nevertheless... seems to know why he have to shine and for who and.. thanking who!
And let me try to melt al your sadness, angry, fears, loneliness, your headache!
Let me try to bring you to smile again, to the life and to your enemies, let me try to make you... laugh on me, who am consciously a nothing in front of your life and my loved!
And thanks... if you will give me the pride to do it, to accept to do it!
I should remember to read this book when ended!
I'm sure I would have a big benefit by all the wisdom that I will put in it! Sure!
It will finally open my mind and let me see things under another point of view!
And i need it!
Today I was at the party of the last day of the primary school of my son Alessandro Emanuele... Where was all this wisdom I'm searching by years? Where the understanding, the patience... where the love?
Oh, perhaps you could think that I was dominated by some kind of 'Reason', by my cool 'Mind', having high and noble thoughts inspired to me by the hieraticity of the ancient monastery transformed in primary school (sic transit gloria mundi!!!) near the river and the cathedral or by the symbolic moment of the end of the transition between being child and becoming teenager of my only one son and one of the two persons on this world for which I could die without an hesitancy... no... in my 'mind' was only scepticism, sarcasm!
In few words, I was nervous and with a bad mood (the reason, I found asking myself, was and still is eight thousand miles away). And, worst of all,... i was terribly conscious of the difficult to... BE what we know to...should be!
How much dominated by our feelings we are! And how much our mind (mine is a prostitute!) is ready to find a 'reasonable' reason to justify moods (and even -my God!- kept decisions, mostly attacking somebody) to offer as a sacrifice to our unconscious anger!
('Unconscious'.... ! Another little lie we accept by our-self.... as we would never accept by a 6 years old son!)
It is the same then when you decide to eat 'consciously'! The moment after... your 'Mind' and your 'subconscious' starts a 'join venture': while the... 'subconscious' starts to think at all the delicacies you have at home to titillate the 'Mind' to find out some 'good reasons' to... make an exception for that food or ... to start another time... Or even only to 'calculate' that in the last hours you already ate so few... that you would be allowed to... 'have a break'... To not say of the 'decision to stop to smoke'!
Yes, I believe that they two guys, 'Mind' and 'subconscious' should never be left alone together...
So I started to think ... WHY should I, just I, write what I want to write... by so many time with so many... difficult to 'accept' to be just I that does it?
Perhaps to can read it after... and can finally learn by myself how to live as a good and wisdom man!
I sat down in the ancient little church now used as auditorium, when the guys should go to sing and to play the flute as they learned in the last 3 years...
At the first notes... dark clouds shadowed (downed shadow on??? ) my mood! They was singing our Italian national hymn (...for sure not a music masterpiece piece... but with a moving history, I should give it!) and a mother near me told:
"Why not the chorus of the Nabucco? Far nicer!"
"Oh, please! " told I sarcastic, "Destroying a bad music is not such a pity then that Verdi's masterpiece!"
A couple of old women in front of us turned disgusted her head:
"You should have more respect for our National Hymn!"
At the end I asked to talk a bit about this topic with that women and... I had many to think about!
On one hand, for sure this hymn was written with more love (for the Italian unit) than hate for for the strangers 'holding' Italy at that time and the same i hope to can say for that two old women, but on the other hand... how thin the difference between 'love for our home' and.... I don't saw so much 'love' in the eyes of they women! Far too proud to 'be Italian, near ready to fight NOT MORE for a 'good reason' like to become free from an invader but simply to 'defend their pride!
"My son, call me stupid!"
"Why, dear father? You are so clever... you know it by yourself.... "
"Son!!! As father, I ask you to obey me without putting questions!!! And have more respect for your old father! This would be only an example and you should show another attitude when asked to do such a kind of non-sense! Call me quickly stupid or I would not be able to go on with this lesson of life i want give you!"
"Oooookkkeyy.... Father, you are really a stupid man!"
"A-ha!!!", said i smiling satisfied "You see? I am not angry at all, because if YOU believe that I'm a stupid man... the stupid are you! (but you could have saying it... not necessary in such a convinced way.. for our purpose, you could even only say a more simple phrase like: "Why you ask me and to show you my respectful obedience, against all my feelings and forcing myself... I follow your wish overcoming my unending esteem for you calling you... 'stupid', so to say..."
But how can I speak to you of love... how scream to you crying desperately looking at your eyes... if I can not explain you that I'm a nothing, that I don't count at all but only you for me? That I'm nothing without you, if you don't exist, if you don't need me, if you don't smile at me, if I can not drink your tears... the one that nobody saw before, the one that surprised even you... holden back, pushed down to survive... if your music lose his sense...
Do you know what is... to try to breath when the troth is closed by knot.. that comes from far... from deep inside you? What is this? What are you understanding more than ever in that mood?
Sometime we hate. We would like to let another HAVE OUR SAME wound and feel hurt as we are: we would like ...simply to SHARE with him our sad feelings, to let him know that what he done is bad. But sometime we have not such an 'optimistic' desire and we lose any hope at all and we want see him disappear from this and any other worlds now and for ever! This is terror.
I believe that near ever and near all the people are alive until they are died and that they COULD become in contact with us and, because we yearn to it, although painful, we should overcome the fear to never achieve it and try, try, try... in any way, again and again until we found an open door, window, leak... and I should start to consider that even we could be hated for reasons we never would share, so stupid are the people sometime... to NOT recognise how great souls we are!!!! ;-)
So.. we should better sit down and have a hot tea cup... and think about, think about... and feel the loneliness of a hating heart, as we are so embittered mostly when and before we hate.
How can I hate, being a nothing? How could I 'rationally' decide ... and DO IT... to make suffer somebody if I know what are tears? Mine... his?
Yes, 'lower case'!
'winners' (lower case even at the start of a new line!) are a big problem for love as they was it before for the peace. Because to win you need first to fight and it's a (not well but studied and known) fact that winning makes addicted and pushes to try to have again and again this 'flash'. Perhaps the first time we won, we had to do it because challenged against our want, but after... we change a bit... Why 'discuss', why try to understand, why search a compromise or even give up (I could sustain that sometime could be even better give up than win... look at your loved... what is more worth? To win or... to NOT FIGHT? And now that I think about, I remember the deep thought a Maestro, Carlo Cassola, that tried to explain us, before to die, that the 'unilateral disarmament' will be the only chance we had to stop to run to the human self distruction)... why... if we could have again the nice feeling to see the beaten demeaned, humbled, groveling and begging for pity?
So happens that people that fought to defend and for good reasons, started to change becoming addicted for winning fights... success can corrupt... but we are all losers, against the time...
Sometime we need water on the destroying arson of the hate, sometime we need to 'protect' a starting fire to warm trusty our hearth for us and who we love.
For the first task, we need our reasonableness... that is never there when needed and when asked to fight to defend, for the second... COURAGE (that is ever hidden behind the dastardly reasonableness!).
This is all what I have to say., this is the reason itself that pushed me to write this 'book': I need to SCREAM this simple suggestion: we should have the COURAGE to LOOOOOVEEEE!! ....while the 'reasonabileness'... want us grey... loser in the only field on which we should really win: the heart of the ones we love! (and sometime of the ones that hate us!)
We should not waste our time loving God and our self!
God don't needs to be loved but needs that WE realise here and now the love he taught!
I don't know if he exist, no matter.. but the words of love (and ONLY them!) that someone says be inspired by him coincide with my meanings, so hush, let us love and understand by heart
Ok, sometime I need to 'reconstruct us'... climbing a mountain, staying alone to think and even in a church... but to go down, back, out and go ahead where I stopped... 'crushed me inside'... (yes, a verso of 'Breath easy' of the Blue!)
Following a guru is loving the next, him or us?
Hmmm.... such kind of 'followers', like too many religious people, seems to need to find an interior balance, sometime even wonderful happiness... are mostly peaceful but sometime very dangerous fundamentalists (think to 'our' crusades before then to the twin towers!) but in any case seems to not be able to become in a deep contact with the next and to love him... humbly...
They can IMPOSE 'the love of God ... like sometime the 'democracy' ... but they can not be... godlike good, so democratic to try to become the consense...
The answer comes by you!
I ask so often what I do wrong, a pity that I ask and ask.. and forget ever to pay attention to your answer.. but I don't love bad news and... after all I know that's not 'gentle' to be 'THE topic... HEY, can you stop to list my blemishes and listen to me? I said that I don't want bore you with this TOOOPiiIIC... (nothing to do.. they want enthusiastic be be bored!!!)
Ok, can I talk now??? Is not my fault if YOU change so fast your opinion and you are so many and so different!
I am changing my moods, topics and interests, my outlook? Ok, your opinion, but YOU are the one that asked me to change, you don't remember? Not personally you? Perhaps it was another, can be.. but even he is so 'changing'.. I should remember when he asked me to change.. perhaps he already changed his opinion and would ask me to become like before.... at least after have seen the result of ... HE'S ADVICES!!!!
I'm so confused!
What you said? Sorry, I was not listening, can you repeat please?
I don't exist if my girl don't looks at me.... and I can be the more wonderful man... if she looks at me 'with the bullets in her eyes' ... and ALL notice it.. as all noticed when she loved me.. that she was loving at all... they was days!
But I'm existing for my son... each time he talks to me... I become a father, a strong and stable man... but I decided to let him see me... moving... near crying... because he should know that not only he is moved to do it.. and not for this he is a weaker man than me when he dries his tears and stand up again to face the daily life and... help his son to laugh and be sunny! But a man is not a man if he knows only the daylight and not the moonlight... the shadow... his own shadow and the one of... his son and his woman!
"A love can not survive to the distance for more than a year... we saw us at each week end for still about a year, but we could not know the same persons, face the same problems...
but it's not a good reason to stop to walk, calm.. knowing that the direction is right even if we could never see the goal. Doing good a good thing must be a sufficient reason to do it... and, if possible, even better! No reason... !!
Love don't need reasons, love is a try, not a sureness, and we should put love in all the things we do and doing all the things we love!
People could ask us WHY we do something with such a passion... our smile to them should be the answer... an answer that hit them, that makes any other question unnecessary.
Because our life is short but our task unending: build a better world and open the mind of the ones that will come after us more open to the love and able to find a better solutions the situations that let rise the fully natural (but even too simple) hating reaction.
I should live still many life to become smart as I would be... and to have the time to approach and find the solutions to all the problems I see, I know... but I have to make what I can and leave a sign, a starting point for the ones that will come after me... Look at the science, at the physic, at the astronomy history... all the best human activities have deep, far and ancient roots, while the worst and more violent, and fanatic can not evolve and burned alive the ones that tried to go forth on the way the best teachers of the past humbly indicated... Can you imagine that a man killed at 33 years age would have not 'evolved' his thoughts? Found a better way to 'seduce' us? Changed some hard and near extreme 'conclusions' that ... even he could have seeing 'not concluded'?
I am only a sand corn in the building that will never be ended and many time destroyed, like a sand castle on the beach, but who knows? At the end, under many point of view we could be proud of an universe that mad us after... only this last 14.5 billion of years of THIS universe and only after the start of this last chapter 'after the big bang'???
How ignorant we still are, how much discovers teaches us that we are still 'on the road' and this trip... could be interrupted by any natural and human madness, Ok, but is worth to be performed as long as we can, as much as we can all together, diffusing culture and all the ways to collaborate that we will develop, and this starts by the love of each other, the love of life and our whole universe, our history (still to understand, to 'decrypt, to be used to understand making 'models' that could help us to forecast the future IF we chose to do so or so...)
But some of us are pushed to think at the first place to his own success (and this seems to be mostly an economical one) and many others are fighting with hunger and diseases, and both have no time to think about, to study, to share, to understand... to love!
If only the ones of us that could be a bit more free from the 'needs' would understand how more satisfying can be to help others to become like us helping them to solve our problems NOT 'using poor people to become rich' (an even too usual way to... 'achieve the success'... but in the truth only a way to make our overall humanity more poor... But even this is only a try in our history, and we need to understand what we are doing, trying, the results of the last couple of centuries and how we could go better on in the next ones...
We need to love even the ones that are still not born, but for sure the younger ones, our sons and not, and we need to find, to feel a deep, a very deep wonderful feeling ... even of freedom from the fear of the death by that! I would be good for all, we and them... why don't go ahead even without seeing any future?
But I'm hiding a personal truth... and it's not fair to you, so... I want tell it in few words: I don't see a future in my own love... but it will never be a good reason to kill it or even simply to abandon it, and I can tell you that doing so... I'm proud of myself and sure to be a real man, that fights for love, not to win!
He-he, I waited for you here!
Ah, my God, we are all the same! Hidden or openly...
But I will disappoint you with some observations that could let us better understand sex as a real smart strategy, far before to be associated with some pleasure (introduced by the nature to incentive the higher price it has.
Some orchids can express two varieties, one reproducing itself without sexual crossing and the other with all the wonderful and expensive flowers we know. Expensive already for them, to be 'produced'!
In hard surviving conditions they choose the economical asexual reproduction way, little flowers, no nectar and other ways to incentive insects to allow the genetic exchange, but as soon as possible, having the possibility, they restarts the 'newer' (evolutional) sexual strategy: the advantages coming by spending and risking are at the end bigger then staying closed at home when the Sun is shining! (source: Scientific American, like for the following news)
Follow me, the game becomes harder! Now.. some smart guys, tired to plan new electronic circuits for many different uses, decided a day to let them plan by them self and go to surf being watched by nice girls, and already this could teach us something about the huge push of sex to let us make big jumps forward, but wait, this was not the news!
They programmed a computer to virtually random assembly some basic components and calculate the behaviour of the resulting circuit (while they was surfing), making a list of the results compared with the desired ones. The guys was at the beach to make an own list of the girls walking around and had no time to do personally the comparison and let the computer choose the circuits having the better ranking and then the 'next step' generation of each of the best one was done introducing some casual difference and verifying after what came out, more or less like the farmers by 10,000 years. Another list, another chose by best ranking compared to the wishes, another generation while the guys at the beach was starting to think even more and more to the same reproducing strategies.
The results was not bad at all: without any plan, some circuits started to become more efficient and cheap then the ones planned by humans, but a day a guy, thinking and thinking about what to do with all this nice girls besides to watch them behind sunglasses, had a wonderful idea: the different circuits 'species' (because don't forget that by the start different 'families' was competing and inside the families the different sons) could sometime exchange fully they 'genetic patrimony' in couples mixing their asset that was much more different than between his parent (ever only one, before!) and even brothers, but not so much to start again by zero.
The result was surprising: introducing this new high risk strategy 'sometime', the evolution became much faster and the time to outclass the human planned circuits having the same purpose became much shorter!
He went back to the beach to that girl he liked by weeks without knowing what to do and told her to have an exciting idea: something he done alone without big results could be done in couple and, who knows? Perhaps having a wonderful next generation! The girl lifted the look at the blue sky breathing loud.... girls knows by instinct how to plan better electronic circuits, seems to be....
"I AM A STUPID, I AM A STUPID, I AM A STUPID!"
I have ground a new self esteem auto training method: cheap, easy and efficient! Look, I give it to you for free (for the first 30 days trial, after you must choose: either give me a kick in the ass or a smile by Paypal)
Go at morning in front of a mirror in your bathroom and start to scream loud the sentence above: I can ensure you that in few minutes all you family will come and say to be fully agree with you and even the neighbour will agree loud with you! Rarely a dictator became so quickly the fully crowd assent!
But don't stop to this first success, the day will give you even bigger surprises!
At the office, whisper to the ear of your next colleague: "This night I understood something basic about myself: I am a stupid!" and look smiling satisfied at him!
He will open first his eyes and then his mouth in a respectful adoration, breathless! It will need some time before he would be again able to babble a simple ask to you, like: "A-and ho-how became you such a deep enlightening?"
I'm modest by nature and will not push you to say him: "Thanks my even deeper Enlightened Teacher GianMarco!"... I don't need more other recognition to know who I am, this is the sign itself of the true Enlightening!
In few time the news will scatter around and more people humbly come to you and ask you: "You really came in contact with your Supreme Nature? Oh, you lucky person! Listen... well... not to believe to not have to do still many step on the way of the Enlightening... but sometime... even I have the feeling to be a stupid..." Smile at him: you have a new trusted friend!
A day a pander will whisper to your worst enemy: "Do you know? He recognised public to be a stupid!"
Surprised, he may exclaim without thinking: "But we ever knew it!" (indeed... we are ever the last ones to be informed about something about ourselves that all already knows, like that our wife... hem.. YOUR wife... ops... ) but, after a long moment, he will think: "... but I never imagined that he could be so smart to understand it.. perhaps my mission is accomplished and I could start to persecute some other one..." and slowly slowly you will see that he will become more tender with you.
People that feared to become in contact with you will trust to talk with you, opening you his heart... telling you sentence like: "You know? Even I, sometime, feared to be an absolute stupid... but I love her so much.... " I laugh and say: "Oh, my dear! Be sure, I was and still am much more stupid then you!" ...and my heart flies high... high... and far...
Or other stupidities like that... that we all hide, sometime even to ourselves.
Crossing you in the corridors or at the shopping centre, he will smile to you... you was able to break his solitude as now many other ones... and you will be loved for this!
Remember: Only 30 days free trial , then you must decide!
So the Dalai Lama decided to help me!
Good.... but doing it... he get in trouble and now I must help HIM!
(I never have a moment of relax! All needs me, now even the Dalai Lama... Ah, I should be patient like Buddha! But Ok... it's my Karma... I must accept it... But the next life I fly to Vancouver and play at the television! Oh yea!)
The Dalai Lama is a good boy! After 2568 years and about 36 reincarnations he still believes in the humanity like a child and this is good and already worth to give him a hand when needed, but we must consider that after 2500 years some opinions of his may need some 'refresh'... and that so many years without touching a woman (is THIS the reason of his trust in the humanity? Humm.. )... well... could have give him a not realistic vision of OUR problems and troubles and so he needs to enlarge a bit some 'points of view'!
Now that I'm thinking about... by how many time I don't enlarge my points of view? Hm! Time to enter something! (Enter? Strange language, English language! Whit an only one word word... :-)
Where we was? Ah, right, our mutual help!
He started to help me. Perhaps knowing that I was trying to find a easy way to live all together in love or at least in peace or at least to survive or at least to not disappear in some Vancouver, he decided to use his big visibility, built incarnation after incarnation ever being a good boy and without... hem... well, being a good boy in any case, he putted his (old) ideas on line.
His idea was to introduce at the 12 November 2005 at a congress at the Society of Neuroscience of Washington DC (see http://apu.sfn.org/AM2005/ :
Trying to help me brought him into some karma problems....
Nature 436, 452 (28 July 2005) | doi: 10.1038/436452b
Researchers petition against meditation lecture.
A growing number of neuroscientists are calling for the cancellation of a special lecture to be given by the Dalai Lama in November.
Some of the critics believe that the Dalai Lama's lecture should be ruled out because of his status as a political and religious figure. Many of the scientists who initiated the protest are of Chinese origin. But they insist that their concerns are purely scientific. Yi Rao a neuroscientist at Northwestern University in Chicago, Illinois, helped to draft the petition, which says that the science of meditation is "a subject with hyperbolic claims, limited research and compromised scientific rigour".
The SfN's president, Carol Barnes, says that she is trying to find a resolution to the protest that will not involve cancelling the lecture. But one of the petition's organisers, Jianguo Gu of the University of Florida, says that he and several other scientists will cancel their lectures if the Dalai Lama's talk goes ahead.
... and so I had to run to help my helper!
Good, look at the old ideas of our good boy:
Empathy is the ability to recognise the sentience and suffering in another being. Empathy is the basis of high-level altruism that does not depend on the barter principle. The ethic of empathy is the Golden Rule: treat others, as you would have them treat you.
Empathy depends on knowing that the other person feels pain as much as you do or will feel happiness as much as you do if they are well treated. If another human is grieving, you feel their suffering and offer help. If another human is injured, you stop everything to help them and you treat their injured body with care to avoid increasing their pain. This ability to feel the experience of others in your own consciousness is one of the great accomplishments of brain evolution.
Empathy is not evenly distributed among humans, nor is any individual constantly empathetic towards others. Some humans lack empathy and are selfish, impulsive and do harm to others with no remorse. The human tendency is to treat only a few other humans well, members of your immediate select group, and to be suspicious of and hostile towards everyone else. Empathy can turn on in one situation and turn off in another. Once a group establishes that outsiders are enemies, empathy is turned off and members of the group treat the outsiders cruelly as if they were non-human.
Compassion is the great and intelligent love that goes beyond romantic love that is not always intelligent. Without empathy, there can be no compassion. Compassion is a whole system of skills and understanding learned and practised, that manifests a high attainment of the human mind. Compassion is the sustained intention to seek the good of others and is characterised by empathy, patience, tolerance, understanding and gentle concern.
The Dalai Lama states that the pursuit of spiritual goals and ultimate liberation from suffering and evil requires the intention to be of service to others. Selfish goals and methods alone are not sufficient and inevitably lead to unhappiness. He teaches that each person can work with his or her own mind to develop a higher consciousness, characterised by compassion and ethical conduct.
Roles are seen as interchangeable; one man's enemy is another man's friend.
The sense of reciprocal altruism is elevated to a high ethical principle in the form of the golden rule.
Both good and bad deeds are recognised as karmic agents that continue to act in a sequence of causation without beginning or end.
The Dalai Lama's prescription is the cultivation of compassion - a long and dedicated process that involves meditation and practice. Meditation is a generic term that specifies the study of your own mind but takes on numerous forms.
You meditate on the fact that all beings are impermanent and will suffer sickness and death.
You observe fellow sentient beings who are experiencing confusion, loss, sickness, pain and despair and you meditate on the fact that you too have had or will have similar experiences.
"Patience and Tolerance come from an ability to remain firm and steadfast, not to be overwhelmed by adverse situations…"[i]
The idea that all humans are innately good, but need education, self-scrutiny and practice appeals the idealistic side of our mind. Innate goodness could be considered a hypothesis that is tested in practice.
Dalai Lama . Healing Anger. Snow Lion Publications, Ithaca NY 1997
Well, all good and right.. but who would 'meditate' today? It's not a problem of time wasting: we are ready to do it (wasting time!) going to the gym and to tan us and we do it to can be more loved, not to love more or better!
But if we could persuade the next (if pretty girls, even better!) to love US, we would reach the same result than tanning or building our body, so... the task is not so stupid as it seems! But the Dalai Lama's way is ancient, hard and against the marketing!
I thought about. Even the Chinese government, although against the dictatorship of the financial interests, seems to dislike a lot the Dalai Lama's way to become better persons, don't ask me now why, I have to still understand it...
And I have a son... what should I tell him to let him become more altruist at least to his father and not only to nice girls?
I thought and thought about... the Dalai Lama was looking to me desperately silent... I felt me under pressure... and I can even hardly ... hem ... you know what happens when you drink too much tea to think better... well, if someone looks at my while I... hem... try to 're-establish the hydraulic balance' well... I.. can't do it!
I said to the Dalai Lama to search another lavatory because he made me nervous, and thought and thought again...
Until I saw the Light: Alessia indicated me the way, as a bit too often recently, I should say it to her! But I can understand... she is the one that cleans the bathroom and so... for her it's important that I find precisely where... well.. philosophically speaking, I need her!
The music!
Yes! Music is our door to the feelings of the next! We 'relive' the passions, the sadness, the cries of other people trough it! Better than books, that I putted at the second place!
But even a third way can complete the 'brain reorganisation' wished by the Dalai Lama and our victims: to write!
I feel indeed now my gamma waves smoothly flowing in my brain... don't ask me how... like you for sure reading me...
When we write, read, listen music... we are doing something very near to the Buddhist and Zen meditation (perhaps a bit depending on WHAT we are listening or reading)... it is easier, modern and we are pushed to spend money to do it... so all are happy, perhaps even the Chinese government...
Even caressing a nice girl? It's worth to be explored!! I must ask Alessia!
I was watching so disappointed my two big pots of tomatoes and oil.
I quenched the fire too late.
I started to think: "Come on, GianMarco... it's really a little money lost and you should try to be very happy when you achieve a cooking success, but you should even be able to have a much more little disappointment if you make a mistake! Remember your own 'philosophy' of having two reactions and controls for good and bad moods: unlimited happiness in loving and having good feelings and 'reactions' but on the other hand 'control', holding under control the bad ones, limiting them in time, depth, power!"
So wise was my own advice... so sad was I... Why can my hearth not stop such kind of stupid sadness? Why he can't find peace and still looks so far to the rainy English Bay?
Perhaps in the truth I believe that sadness is not bad and is an important part of love... perhaps watching a tomato sauce dying moved me as seeing a love dying and I can't believe that we should accept this without sadness, I can't believe that we should accept this at all!
Sadness, not less then love, pity, that is between this two feelings, is a big push to pull out the best by us. Naturally loving is a joy and being sad a pain, buy our task is to love the next and the tomato sauces, not to be happy as much as we can and, if not, to change quickly the focus., sadness teaches us what is important for us despite the economic reasons, what we miss and we could miss what for we have to fight... inside us, against our laziness, sadness is our best ally, our best advisor, a good friend that push us to become better, not to find someone that appreciate us better and gives us more satisfactions without needing to grow.
How can I now find again the contact with my tomato sauce? How can I make her becoming again fresh and happy as before to be burned by my mistakes? Why is the past ... 'past'? Is it?
Only a little bottom is burned, the bigger part of it is already good... I could say even a bit better than normal... with a scent of grilled tomatoes.. not bad at all... sometime a love must burn a bit to become... 'different', more 'aged', far more 'special' then if simply lucky? It will be never the same as before, and the nostalgia can overwhelm me... but another one can born by the ashes... life!
Let me have a look, we say that the future, the time joint to my efforts, will say me more next... and I to you!
Let me take a breath... it's hard to me to affront this topic... but I must be witness of this ... tragedy! No, admiration, respect, like 'tolerance', are NOT love... and I crushed inside the day that she told me to... 'admire me'... No, pray to never know what you will feel the day the girl you love will say that her feeling for you is... 'admiration'. Be never a nigger... 'tollerate', never a woman... 'respected'... be never so alone as I was at that moment!
"If for an instant God would forget that I am a rag doll and gave me a bit more life, I would make optimum use of that time. Possibly, I would not say all that I think, but I would definitely think before I say. I would value things not for their face value but for their significance. I would sleep little, would dream more ... since for every minute that we close our eyes we lose sixty seconds of light ... I would walk when others rest and would be awake when others sleep. If God gave me the gift of a bit of life, I would dress unpretentiously, I would lie down under the sun, not only naked of body but of soul ... I would tell men that they are wrong in believing that they should not fall in love when they grow old, but that they grow old when they stop falling in love!
I would give a child wings, but would let him learn to fly on his own. To the old, I would say that death does not derive from old age, but from being forgotten.
I have learned so much from you, men ... I have learned that everybody wants to live on top of the hill without realizing that true happiness lies in the climbing of the escarpment. I have learned that when a new-born baby first squeezes, with his little hand, his father's finger he owns him forever. I have learned that the only time a man has the right to look down on another man is when he is helping him to his feet.
I have learned so much from you but, really, all will be of little use, because when they put me in that suitcase, unfortunately I will be dying...
Always say what you feel and do what you think...
If I knew that today was the last time I would see you going to sleep, I would hold you tight and pray to God that I could be the guardian of your soul. If I knew that these were the last minutes I see you I would say to you "I love you" and would not foolishly assume that you know it.
There is always a tomorrow and life gives us another chance to do the right thing but, if I am wrong and today is all there is, I would like to tell you how much I love you, that I will never forget you. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow, young or old . Today it could be the last time that you see your loved ones. If tomorrow never comes, you will surely be sorry you did not take the time for a smile, for an embrace, for a kiss and that you were too busy to satisfy a last wish. Keep those you love near you, whisper in their ears how much you need them, love them, treat them well, take time to say "I am sorry", "forgive me", "please", "thank you" and all the loving words you know...
Nobody will remember you for your secret thoughts...
Ask the Lord for the strength and wisdom to express them ... tell your loved ones how much they mean to you..."
Don't ask me to advocate the ideal of 'justice' nor to have respect for laws.
All this has no love but only violence, interests, avidity and hubris.
All said
...Ok, not all... I needed a lot of time to see the good side of both, and it comes from the history of them.
Laws an justice was introduced just to bring reasonableness there where the love was dead and the hate furiously devastating without any control, so I must admit that this is the grey part of my thesis that I must accept.
Yes, sometime... despite all my passionate push to try and try again until we find the way to love us each other, we need to control firstly the hate.
Not all was able to cry the 11 September 2001, not all to feel pain even for the families of the suicides, not all sat down asking themselves where we started this fight that became a t this so visible point, not all asked themselves why over Hiroshima and not some km in the sea in front of it and why, the hell, ,,, why Nagasaki after it, not all even only knows that even Dresden was hit at the same way and even at war always ended...
Not all... someone felt themselves free to go ahead in their pitiless business as never was happened, at the contrary, using it to enhance their bombing methods to earn more, to justify new invasions to rob even more than before.
For this kind of people without pity, the society tried to dam their behaviours with the laws, to stop the escalation of the reciprocal violence.
It seemed a good idea, unfortunately they was more able and used it as a new (and even more safe for them) weapon and I lost any 'unlimited trust' in justice, included police and so on.
No one system made by rules and duties and 'mechanically applied',seems to function reducing the hate, breaking it and pushing to love, enhancing it.
We spend and spent a lot of time and efforts to make systems better, new and new laws, correcting, but at the end, if the far goal is not the same for all (live peacefully together and live a life as happy as we can), all what made for a good reason becomes soon a tool for the worst and selfish kind of people, that counts on the fact that we 'sheep' are fair and will respect 'our' rules, while they 'wolfs' will use them, choosing the more useful, buying the judges and police to reach safe and 'legally' their goals.
Sheep are far to predictable! As wolfs, you will say, by millions of years! Indeed; the the kind of 'wolf was the shepherds! Oh the shepherds! The ones caring even for the last lost little sheep! So careful until Eastern.... Shepherds builds enclosures to protect by the wolfs... or to not let 'us' free to escape?Shepherds screams to be against the wolfs and to want do the best to protect us by him... but not by himself... what is a democracy? A system that ask the sheep to elect their shepherds to write even new laws (how many do we need?) that we should know but must respect, and the justice will say if we do it or not. Do you know justice? Do you know laws? Do you see some tie? It is functioning as expected? By how many years? We say thousands? And you want again try to 'change something' because you believe that this time it will function better?
We need to open our eyes, Jesus was killed by shepherds needing a well functioning justice to do it and... I saw really few love in all this sad story and even the good reason for which we accepted a conventional and ritualised violence applied by 'the government' and not more directly by the involved persons. It all started for good reasons, but already two thousand years ago and by the 'fathers of the rights' and it's best age... gave us this enlightening result! And this said by an agnostic! How can people pretending to be even religious and following the commandment of Love be so blind? My answer is... that they loves more hate, fight and assist to blooding vengeance by centuries than feel a feeling of loving pity in they hearts.
So, the Dalai Lama was right, we need to enhance firstly our empathy, and I can only repeat that it needs to be educated by music, reading, writing, having a tea letting our heart become clear, empty of hate and full of love.
Is it 'reasonably' enough?
Help me please, correct the way I try to tell it, help me to do it better and then.. stand up, go out and ... LOVE! Do it for me, I have not more much time: reduce 'structures' bodies of laws, rules and even other structures made to protect us, as we pretend to be each weapon... but at the end used by the ones that needs all this power to subjugate us.
And remember that no one financial company knows feelings.
We need loving feelings that overcomes rational behaviours even because the rationality starts ever pretending to be a good 'reasonableness' at start, made to block the hate, as we all could accept, but ending ever to become pure mechanical powerful machine in the hands of the interests... that buys souls... even in Vancouver, not so, my Alessia?
What it is
It is nonsense
says reason
It is what it is
says love
It is misfortune
says calculation
It is nothing but pain
says fear
It is hopeless
says insight
It is what it is
says love
It is ridiculous
says pride
It is careless
says caution
It is impossible
says experience
It is what it is
says love
A day a wise man gave me this simple
"Even the mechanical told him: "Why do you want mount it, if it's still not obligatory???"
Her daughter smiled to me waiting my opinion