I don’t know whether ‘down the pan’ will mean anything to speakers of any dialect of English other than the UK one, but if it doesn’t, recounting the details of how it is that my iPhone ended up down the pan will be of little interest to any readers from across the pond. Though now that I come to think of it, the details are probably best kept out of this...

But needless to say, aforementioned iPhone survived the trip intact, clean (perhaps even cleaner than before), and fully functioning (although early on in its recovery period, the screen would flicker on and off in a mesmerizing, but strangely troubling, way).

And just in case you’re thinking ‘what kind of idiot lets their iphone tumble freefall into the sewage system?’, let me tell you that I’m not alone. Or rather, I was alone when it happened, of course, but I’m not alone in respect of having suffered this particular kind of trauma – within moments of my advertising the calamity, a friend wrote:

“Glad I'm not the only one that has happened to. The first generation ones are apparently toilet-proof”

I can hereby attest that the 3G iPhone is also toilet-proof. Or perhaps it was simply that Starbucks offer a better class of toilet...

Actually, this has nothing to do with nutcrackers, except for the fact that I have today received what is to garlic crushing as my prized nut cracker is to nut cracking. I can absolutely guarantee that this garlic crusher is the bees’ knees. It is the Porsche of garlic crushers. I can further guarantee that were you to give one or other or both of the nut cracker and garlic crusher to your loved ones this coming Xmas, you would be the most popular person around the Xmas tree. Of course, you may wonder why I’m thinking about Xmas already when the last snowfall of Spring has yet to come, and the yuletide spirit has another 9 months to gestate. The answer is simple: the combined cost of these two items is sufficiently high that you need to start saving now. But you get what you pay for, right?

And let me add, the cost of the garlic crusher was as nothing compared to the intense pleasure it gave me to receive it this morning and parade it in front of various of my colleagues. And yes.... they gasped. They really did...

I know... I know... I’m going mad. Blame it on work...

I despair. Evidently the credit crunch means that instead of going out and spending whatever little money they have, folk are sat at home writing up their data and submitting to the journal I edit. Currently, submissions are up 30% on the same 10 week period (since Jan 1st) last year (and this is not due to just one or two weeks - it’s a consistent trend as the graph shows). And traditionally these first weeks in the year are a quiet time! So I hate to think what will happen as summer approaches. Bear in mind that last year, we received 725 submissions - i.e. roughly 6 times more than we’d received in the first 10 weeks of the year. Which means that, if the same happens this year, we’ll be heading for 945 submissions by year’s end. Anyone know where I can get cheap supplies of Paxil (for the stress), Zantac (for the ulcers), and Ambien (for those sleepless nights)? Oh wait, forget the Ambien - I can take advantage of those sleepless nights and stay up working on the journal. Phew. I thought for a moment we were in trouble...

So anyone reading this who wonders why I’ve not replied to their emails, facebook pokes, or offers of money will now better understand the reasons. Of course, I should add that if I had received offers of money I most likely would have replied. So if you want a more immediate response, my PayPal account accepts all major currencies...