The news
Nelson seeks greenbelt tax break.
Nelson said he could sell part of his property to developers to build homes or start “a small farming and ranching operation” and seek approval for greenbelt status. “I liked the idea of raising some cattle and horses, and harvesting and replanting trees.
Behind the news: a conversation in the Oval Office
Teh 0: Ah yes, come in Senator...Senator Newton?
Teh Benator: It's 'Nelson', your Highness. Senator Ben Nelson. But your excellency can deign to call me Ben.
Teh 0: Yes yes...Well, Senator Nelnet, Our staff has been looking over your application to be Czar of Radioactive Waste in Our new administration, and We're very impressed. You have a proven track record of shutting down nuclear waste repositories, something We're very interested in. And you cost the taxpayers of North Dakota a hundred and fifty million dollars in the process! That's just excellent!
Teh Benator: Nebraska, your majesty, not North Dakota, forgive me for correcting you, I know you're so busy, and all...
Teh 0: Nebraska, North Dakota, well, they all look the same from Airforce One! But there are a couple of problems...first, if you step down as Senator, your governor's a Republican, and will presumably nominate one of his own to fill the seat. That will cost Us Our filibuster-proof majority.
Teh Benator: A Nebraska Republican, your exaltedness. You won't be able to tell the difference.
Teh 0: But there's a bigger problem, Senator. Our staff vetting says you've had an insufficient record of cheating on your taxes. A minor issue with a property tax classification in Sarpy County. A wild turkey ranch...well that's very creative. I had no idea there were such things as wild turkey, outside of a bar, ha ha.
Teh Benator: And I did renege on a promise to pay all the back taxes, your eminence.
Teh 0: Yes, that's fine, but it's not good enough. The thing that distinguishes Us from the little people, Senator Nixon, is that We don't have to follow the same laws they do. The great leaders of history never paid taxes. Does Robert Mugabe pay taxes? Did Jomo Kenyatta pay taxes? Dodging a minor tax bill in Slurpee County, or whatever it's called, just isn't good enough!
Teh Benator: I'll get right to work on it, your imperial holiness. I have a new tax dodge all set up. I'll prove myself to you!
Teh 0: Yes, well, We'll see about that. Send in the NBC White House correspondent. My left shoe is smudged.