This page of Don's journal covers many months from July 17, 2004 through August 7, 2005.
Don died peacefully on June 12, 2005. Judith continued adding to the page after his death until the celebrations of his life were completed and his ashes buried in his hometown of Springville, New York.
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Sunday, July 17th
The last few days have been difficult for me. On Friday, I was standing in the kitchen, cutting up fruit for breakfast, and I noticed that my left leg was weak and not supporting me very well. I tried to finish the fruit, but the next thing I remember is falling and banging my head hard on the floor. I was weak for the next couple of days, and somewhat groggy, and only now getting back to "normal". Currently I see this as part of the usual daily variations in symptoms, but time will tell.
Meanwhile we are continuing our search for a Saturday morning replacement for Caffè Verona. The perfect mix of atmosphere, people and food is proving difficult to find.
Tuesday, August 10th
My condition has remained poor for the past few weeks. I'm falling every day or two, altho so far the falls have not been very serious. I am able to walk only about two blocks, even with my cane. I worry that this is the next step in a long term decline. It is especially disheartening because recent MRI scans have been looking very good. Or are these symptoms all delayed side effects of radiation and chemotherapy? A more positive view is to recall that my downturns in December and January were associated with colds (I have a mild cold now) and once I recovered from the cold, my condition quickly improved.Once again, it is hard to figure out cause and effect.
It would be good to have at least a partial recovery soon, because on Sunday we are leaving on a trip that includes a cruise up the inside passage of Alaska. Local friends will be driving us to and from the airport. It once again strikes me how kind people can be when they see that we need help. We have never been on a cruise and it should be great fun if I am in reasonable shape. More about the cruise next time. In the meantime, we have had a busy week, visiting with great friends from the early 80s at UC San Diego, and indulging our inner child by seeing The Lion King in San Francisco. Check in soon for a report on our Alaska cruise.
Wednesday, Sept 1st
We've been home just a week from the Alaska cruise. We had some worries before hand, but the issues all worked out just fine. Some highlights for me -
My condition has improved since early August. My left leg is still weak, but I seldom fall these days. I'm hoping to add some photos to the cruise account, so check back in a week or two.
Tuesday, Sept 15th
I finally posted some photos from our Alaska cruise. Enjoy.
Thursday, Sept 30th
I got a shock yesterday. I had seen my dermatologist on Monday and she removed several growths on my skin. She called yesterday with the biopsy results. Most of the spots were non- threatening basal cell carcinomas, but one on my leg was "moderately abnormal on its way to melanoma". She is scheduling me with a surgeon to have the spots removed, but I was overwhelmed by having to deal with yet another cancer. The reverberations are still with me.
On the other hand, my symptoms (poor balance,weakness,fatigue) continue to get slowly better, and I am now off all tumor-related drugs, except Dilantin (to control brain seizures). We had a great time when my youngest sister and her husband visited last week. And my latest MRI scan continued to show no evidence of tumor.
Thursday, Oct 7th
On Monday, we visited with the plastic surgeon who will remove the growth on my leg. Dr. Maser took a look at my leg and pronounced the spot in question to be a "displastic nevus". Somehow that name and Dr. Maser's manner instantly relieved our great anxiety. So I am no longer worried about being overwhelmed by cancer, just because of a change in label. The mind is a wondrous thing.
Tuesday, Oct 26th
I remain stable, with some interesting exceptions. For example, on Saturday, after our usual trips to the bakery and farmer's market, Judith and I drove to a nearby box store to get a box for a wedding present. Judith dropped me off in front of the store while she parked the car. Apparently I tripped on something, fell, and gave my head a big whack on the sidewalk. The next thing I remember - I was in a bed in the Stanford Hospital Emergency Room with an egg-size bump on my head. We stayed there the rest of the afternoon while I had some tests and a CT scan, and the swelling on my head went down. Everything seemed OK and we left around 6.
On Sunday, we went with friends to a terrific exhibit of Mayan art at the San Francisco Museum of the Legion of Honor. I was feeling almost normal. but stayed close to my wheelchair. My experience of Mayan art is mainly limited to pyramids and carved stone slabs. This was a small exhibit, but it had beautiful small clay ball players and singers, and wonderful painted cylinder pots, and many types of art I had not seen before.
So life goes on with its hills and valleys - I'm just hanging on for the ride.
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Sunday, Nov 7th
Sometimes the mind has to deal with raw reality. I got the pathologist's report from my leg surgery.It turns out the "displastic nevus" on my leg really was an early stage melanoma. I hope the surgeon got it all out, altho the report says the margin was narrow on one side. I'll take this up with the surgeon when I see him on Thursday to have the stitches removed. If he got the melanoma out before it had a chance to spread, there should be nothing to worry about.
Friday, Nov 12th
I talked with the surgeon as my stitches were removed yesterday; we agreed that we should enlarge the incision to make sure all of the melanoma was removed.The new surgery is scheduled for mid-December.
It has been a rough few days for Judith and me.
On Wednesday, I was in the kitchen preparing dinner, when I noticed that my legs were feeling weak. I decided to lie down on the couch in the den, but as I started moving toward the den, my left arm and hand started shaking violently, and I soon fell to the floor hitting my head on the wall hard enough to leave a dent. I decided to just lay there until Judith got home from work. She was soon home and, when she overcame her shock, she helped me get up. I'm still feeling the after effects of the seizure, but slowly returning to normal.
Then, yesterday morning, I heard that my father had died. We're leaving tomorrow to go back East for the funeral.
Saturday, Nov 20th
We are back from the East and my dad is properly buried. As he wished, his ashes were carried from the church to the cemetery in a wagon pulled by a team of horses. After, we all gathered at the house of one sister to eat and talk for hours.
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This is me ^ |
There's no significant news on the health front, altho my balance was poor today. I expect it to improve over the next day or two. We will have a Thanksgiving dinner here on Thursday, with Judith's 96-year-old grandmother and a couple of good friends. I always like to hold hands and go around the table, telling what we are most thankful for this year.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!
Don
Sunday, Dec 5th
Despite the optimistic tone of my last update, my condition has remained generally poor. Weak legs and poor balance result in about one fall a day. Luckily, there have been no serious injuries from these falls, at least so far. My hope is that I recover from my cold next week and my general condition improves as well.
Saturday, Dec 11th
My hopeful expectations have not come to pass. On Tuesday evening. Judith came home to find me sleeping and incoherent. I continued to be sleepy for the next 18 hours. Judith called Paula Kushlan midday on Wednesday to consult. Paula decided to have an MRI that day. The MRI showed that I have a bleed in the tentorium area of the brain due to one of the many falls I've taken recently. It's not on the periphery of the brain so nothing can be done except monitor, protect from falls, and let time diffuse the fluid.
We met with Paula on Thursday morning to hear the results of the MRI. She told us about the bleed and said there is no new tumor activity visible on the MRI. But clearly there is rapid functional decline (weakness, cognitive confusion, balance problems) due to cumulative treatment effects. She expects the effects to accelerate in their accumulation and their damage. She said more than once that we wouldn't have had the many extra months if I hadn't done the treatment. I think she is saying "not to be mad at the doctors". There is nothing they can do to slow the damage. She does not want me to be alone either outside or inside the house. She wants Judith to take family leave and to also get help with care giving. Hospice is scheduled to come on Tuesday to enroll us in their program. She said that the two of us have to drop our very effective denial and face the current reality. I don't see it as denial, but rather very effective coping.
We drove the films up to UCSF for Chang and Butowski to take a look, but unfortunately had gotten slowed down at PAMF so we missed seeing the doctors. Dr. Butowski called and he agrees generally with Paula. The brain "looks good" but there is evidence of prominent treatment effects, although not such marked change over the last three months to account for the functional decline. Treatment effects of this magnitude are not unexpected in a person over 45-50 who had whole brain radiation. He said that I have been a real fighter but have run out of room to fight. He also talked about getting home care to help us. Hospice will come by on Tuesday.
My condition has varied over the last two days. Yesterday I was alert enough to make jokes as I got showered and dressed, but today I've slept most of the day. We are on a new leg of this long journey.
Saturday, Dec 18th
Some of the readers of Don's health page, many in fact, have written in distress or confusion after the last posting. We realize that we should have made clear that Judith has now entered the health page as a writer as well as companion. The last week has been a roller coaster unlike any we have so far endured. Sunday morning Don seemed his usual self, enjoying walnut, bacon buttermilk pancakes over the NYTimes and SJ Mercury. We went to visit Judith's grandmother and on the way home, as Judith mused about what to cook for Sunday dinner, Don asked "what is a squash". By the time we got home (only five minutes) he did not recognize the house, nor Judith. As the evening progressed Don went through stages of cognitive or neurologic disintegration, including expressive aphasia speaking in a mixture of understandable language and nonsense, but aware that this was happening. He would utter some ununderstandable phrase and the crunch up his face and say "that was stupid". At one point he asked Judith (now aware of who she was) to sit with him "Downtown", and the meaning was clear (on our beloved den couch) and we laughed. This stage passed to one when he was using letters to spell but again nonsense. Then he dropped into a deep sleep, not moving throughout the night on Sunday.
During this episode, Judith called Paula Kushlan's on call cover and hospice (although we were not due to enroll until Tuesday), but neither had any help to offer. It was a very long apprehensive night.
The hospice social worker called Judith, in response to her voice mails late Sunday, to reschedule to come on Monday. Once the initial contact with the social worker occurred on Monday, the whole hospice team rolled into action. By mid-day Monday Don was resting comfortably in a hospital bed in our den, still generally unresponsive. But.....
Slowly, slowly he has come back to us. So now a few days later he is eating at the table, enjoying the company of his sister Diane, who flew out to be with us for several days, even planning how we can help him bake a batch of his famous dried fruit fruitcakes. We are living on one floor of the house since the stairs to our bedroom present too much of a safety risk, and Don feels that although he is "back" after several days in a haze, he is still not his current usual self. It is a new territory for us.
On Monday morning we all thought that Don was on his death bed. Paula Kushlan has said that we will never know exactly what happened. The episode on Sunday, and the aftermath which has lingered throughout the week, may have been a seizure (severe mental symptoms without any violent physical symptoms), due to the bleed and/or the treatment damage. But we will never know. We both have been heartened by your reactions to Paula's comment that it is time to drop our "denial". So many people wrote to say that they haven't seen us as denying, but rather embracing the reality and working as effectively as we can within the parameters we have been given. Hope is reality divided by expectations.
Our support system of friends and neighbors has been incredible, and we feel most fortunate. They wrapped us as if with a blanket of caring once word went out that things had taken a dire turn. Don will turn 65 on January 20 of 2005. It is a milestone for anyone, but especially for him.
A neighbor brought us a Christmas tree which is decorated and lit with the tiny lights that Don loves. And so we begin to appreciate the season.
Sunday, Dec 26th
This is Don, writing in my health journal again. The fact that I'm feeling strong enough to do this is an indication that I have come back pretty far and I hope to continue the recovery. We had a Christmas Eve dinner party here, with friends coming by and preparing the food. Later that evening Judith and I were saddened when my sister returned East after a wonderful ten-day visit.
Wednesday, Jan 5th
We are slowly returning to "normal" here. I use a walker or cane to get around the house. Judith and I sleep in the den on the first floor instead of our regular bedroom on the second floor. The biggest inconvenience is that my oncologist, Dr. Kushlan, and Judith do not think I should be left alone, so Judith or someone else has to be here with me all the time. This means that Judith has to make sure there is someone else here whenever she wants to go out to go shopping, see patients, or go up to work at UCSF. I expect this will soon grow old.
Thursday, Jan 27th
Here we are almost 2 months since this collapse began in early Dec, and I am getting back up to where I was at the beginning. In the meantime, I have been put under hospice care. We visited a lawyer to discuss wills, and a mortuary for final arrangements. Someone is coming today to install one of those chair lifts in our stairway, and we celebrated my 65th birthday.
Friday, Feb 11th
Things seem to be getting better around here.Overall , I'm stronger and more coherent, altho it varies from day to day. Next week, we leave for a trip to Arizona, where Judith has a meeting, We will also visit my brother in Prescott and her mother in Sun City West, and check up on Judith's lot near the Salton Sea.
Sunday, Feb 27
We are back from the trip to Arizona,which went quite well. We had good visits with my brother in Prescott, and Judith's mother in Sun City West. I'm experiencing the joys and trials of Texas catheters and other incontinence aids.
Tuesday, Mar 15
I've been feeling good lately but falling often about once every other day. Yesterday was a messy fall. I spilled some water and went into the kitchen to get a mop. In the act of getting the mop, I fell back and shattered the glass panel on the front of the oven door. Replacements are surprisingly hard to find. I have two high-priority tasks for the upcoming weeks: 1. stop these stupid falls; 2.Start work on our income taxes. I will report on my performance.
Tuesday, April 5th
I'm sorry for the long silence. I've been busy with doctor visits, and lately, our income tax reports. They are at the limits of my mental capacity these days and it is a struggle, even with Judith 's abundant help. The struggle with incontinence is my other problem these days. My Texas (external) catheters started coming off, so I switched to an in-dwelling type, which is threaded up my penis and anchored in the bladder. This worked fine until a couple of days ago when it all came out in a flood of blood and urine. I'm trying again. The hospice nurse inserted a new catheter yesterday and and I'm hoping for the best.
We've also been dealing with Judith's grandmother's problems. She was hospitalized for pneumonia, went home and fractured her pelvis and was rehospitalized. The orthopedists decided not to operate because it would have been like "putting pins into a banana" (97 is a tough age), so she was transferred to a skilled nursing facility near us for rehab. She is struggling to accept this new situation, hoping to die soon. So we are now fitting in a number of wheelchair visits to see her into our already busy week. This gives Judith some exercise pushing me and we are able to check on Gram's status. Life is very complex for us.
Sunday, May 8th
My condition continues to vary (an example to clarify: On a good day I can stride across the room using the walker. On a bad day, I can barely make it across the room and into the chair lift.), but I think there is an overall drift down.I'm not sure what a further decline would entail.
Judith's gram remains in the nursing home.Her broken pelvis is healing, but it's not clear when or if she will be able to return to her assisted living apartment.
Monday, May 16th
This is Judith: Don has continued to have variable days. In the last two weeks he has enjoyed visits from friends and neighbors, musing about how to increase informal dinners at our house, and whether he ought to bake cookies to take to our street mates. But on Friday he was very weak and sleepy, and has not gotten out of bed since Friday night. He has been sleeping most of the time, and has not taken any food and only minimal fluids. He has awakened and we have had brief conversations, but generally he has been asleep. We can hope that this is another one of those dips which vanish, but I am fearing it is not. He is very peaceful and is not complaining of pain. Friends are rallying around and hospice is increasing their assistance. It is very sad.
Tuesday, May 17th
This is one of those times when Don seems to be coming back. Around 5 pm tonight he roused and has been alert since then (it's about 8 pm). He is confused about what has happened these last few days, and can't quite imagine it. One of his brothers called and was able to have a good conversation. A friend called and also had a good conversation, although he thought Don still seemed very slow. I hope that this is another instance where the improvement will continue.
I hesitate to send out messages when things get rough just for the reason that there have been so many roller coaster dips and rises. But it is probably better to keep you all aware of how things are going, even if it means you ride the roller coaster with us. Love, Judith
Friday, May 20th
Don has done it again. He is bright-eyed this morning and currently is being helped by his favorite hospice aide to have his first shower in a week. The love and support of friends, family and neighbors near and far has been extraordinary and has helped us to weather yet another crisis. As has been the help from the aides who have joined our life. A friend said yesterday that it must seem like we are living in The Twilight Zone (for those of you old enough to remember). Seems about right.
I hope that Don will be up to writing here in the next little bit. He has done much processing during this illness, moving from stupor to total confusion with the thought that perhaps he is in some odd experiment. To thinking he was going to die in an hour. To clarity that he might be in a final terminal phase. And, now to waking thinking about script-writing and that we ought perhaps go pull the plug on an irritating electric saw running daily for weeks in a yard behind us.
After rain and wind yesterday the sun is shining brightly today....the mood in the house matches the weather.
Thursday, May 26th
As the days have passed since my last entry, Don has continued to improve. Maybe it is time. Maybe it is the soothing and invigorating visit these last three days from one of his long-time friends. Maybe it is the cards and email notes you've sent. Maybe it is the good thoughts and prayers circulating. Maybe it is his natural vigor. Maybe............. Whatever the cause of his return, it is marvelous.
I'm still hopeful that he will be writing himself here soon.....just so much email to get through and other readjusting to being back in the world, that writing about it isn't high on the queue. Thanks to everyone for your support and loving thoughts.
Friday, May 27
This is Don and I'm back! I know I shouldn't get too confident, but since Monday I have been feeling much stronger and more alert. Unfortunately, , we have no idea of what is causing these sudden collapses and recoveries, so I don't know what their meaning is. Thanks for all the love and support during these crises.
Wednesday, June 8
This is Judith. Today is the third anniversary of Don's admission to Stanford where the brain tumor was discovered. We both are grateful for all this "extra" time we've had (one doctor predicted that survival might be as long as 18 months but most thought it would be less). Don has been doing well the past few days. Saturday was a regular day, out to the cafe with Don under his own steam using his walker, followed by the Farmer's Market (with Don waiting in the car) where I ran into some old friends who are new neighbors. Don asked to see their new living space, so we were off for that visit, then finished up the afternoon with a few hour visit to my grandmother (who has returned to her assisted living situation with lots of "levels of care"). By the end of Saturday Don said he was tired, but we pushed on to watch a video (Genghis Blues) during which he, tired fellow, fell asleep. Monday he worked on our computer trying to get it back to the highly customized state he'd developed prior to a recent computer booting problem whose solution took the machine back to basics. I sat beside him at my machine working, and as in times past we'd kiss from time to time (study breaks).
But, as a friend wrote just recently "all things that go up must come down". Don had a more severe seizure yesterday, and after being sleepy but rousable and oriented even momentarily alert intermittently for about four hours afterwards by 7pm last night had sunk back into a deep sleep like that of mid-May. He is peaceful and the doctors assume will come up out of the deep sleep in a day or two. But remember that last time it took nearly a week for him to be fully oriented and strong enough to leave his bed. The doctors and hospice nurse are now thinking that the mid-May collapse probably also followed a seizure, just one not observed. So, since we believe Don's Dilantin level is in the therapeutic range, the question is, whether there is anything that can be added which will help protect against seizures without making him less alert and more prone to doze off.
So, this anniversary day is a mixed one. Don said just this Sunday that he is glad for every day he is alive, takes one day at a time, and doesn't think about the deficits and losses. And, I am sure if he were awake he would echo that thought perhaps even writing to you himself. But he is upstairs sound asleep, lost to us until the post-seizure haze lifts. Knowing why these collapses are happening is calming, but knowing that their increasing frequency could be a sign that the end is nearing is wrenching. Little related to this journey has been simple or had one emotional tone; in fact I can't think of one thing just now.
Friday, June 10
Thanks to all of you who have written or called. The support and love you send is immeasurably important. Don remains asleep, unresponsive. When moved he has opened his unfocused eyes and grimaced; we believe that he hears us and feels our touch, partly because that is the wisdom and partly because he does seem to calm if when we move him we talk gently and tell him what we're doing.We move him as little as possible, because he is so peaceful in this deep sleep. I am doing a lot of processing with others and in my hours alone to reach a point of acceptance of whatever evolves in the next few days.
Sunday, June 12
Don died this morning peacefully at 9:05. I think many of you know that Don didn't want a funeral but wants us to have a celebration of his life. He was working to select some of his favorite pieces of music and said he hopes we tell good stories about him and share our love of him with each other. Our local friends are wrapping me in love and support, and we have begun talking about organizing the celebration. I will post the plans here when we have them.
Don and I have a headstone in place in the Gentner family plot in St. Aloysius cemetary in Springville, New York, Don's home town. He wished to be cremated, and I will take his ashes to Springville for interment; again that time is not yet determined.
I cannot express how much your calls and emails have sustained us during this long journey, and how much they are helping me deal with this profound loss.
We had "Don" till the end, with his wit and his gentle spirit. As a friend said today, he so totally inhabited himself. He did that until his last breath.
Sunday, June 19
Dear friends and family. Thank you so much for the condolences, support and tributes to Don. Your outpouring is a balm for the painful wound his dying has opened. Some of you have written you will be traveling through our area in the coming months. I hope you will stop by as in times past.
The local celebration of Don's life will be on Saturday, July 16th in the early evening at the home of friends in Menlo Park. I will be putting together an email with details. If you don't receive the email but want to attend please let me know (jstew@mac.com).
Monday, June 27
I continue to be comforted by your thoughtful letters, cards and messages. I will be traveling with Don's ashes to Springville, New York at the end of July. The East Coast celebration of his life and his interrment will be on July 30th.
This is a difficult time of rapidly shifting emotions. Many of you have said how although Don had been ill for three years and clearly was declining, that his death seems so abrupt. That's very much how it feels to me. Thanks for all your love, support, and understanding, and for the love you express so freely for Don.
Thursday, July 14
Each step in the process of grieving the loss of Don is difficult and complex. I was able finally to write an obituary. Although long it seems hardly to tap into the richness of this fine man. It will appear in the San Jose Mercury News (which is on line) and the Springville Journal. A death notice will also appear in the Palo Alto Weekly. Plans are in place for the California celebration of Don's life thia Saturday. I will be heading to Springville on Wednesday, July 27th in preparation for the celebration and Don's burial on the 30th.
Continued thanks for all your support, love and memories of Don. He is sorely missed by so many people.
Don Gentner died peacefully at home in Palo Alto on June 12th with his wife Judith by his side. Don's vast curiosity, warmth, intelligence, strength and grace drew people to him, and once relationships had formed he tended them carefully. So when diagnosed with a primary brain tumor in June, 2002 he developed a health page to make sure his many friends scattered around the world could stay involved in his life as it entered this new phase (http://homepage.mac.com/gentner/health.html). As with the advanced melanoma Don survived thirteen years ago he met this latest cancer challenge with his usual combination of strength, optimism and acceptance.
Don was born in Western New York on January 20, 1940 to Richard Francis Gentner and Florence (Winter) Gentner, the second of seven children. He left his hometown of Springville, New York in 1957 but maintained deep roots there while moving into a world of novel experiences and many rich, sustaining friendships. Don received his bachelor's degree in chemistry from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in 1961, and a Ph.D. in Physical Chemistry from the University of California at Berkeley in 1967. He met his first wife, Dedre Cooke, at UC Berkeley; they were married in 1968 (divorced 1975).
Following a year as a fellow at the Center for Advanced Study in Science and Theology in Chicago, he traveled to Africa to take up a position as lecturer in the Department of Chemistry at the University of Ghana, Legon from 1968-1970. He spent the years from 1970 to 1985 at the University of California at San Diego. The first year he worked as a medical researcher but shifted to the Department of Psychology, where he did cognitive psychology research in motor skills and learning. In 1981 he met his second wife, Judith Stewart, in the Psychology Department, and they were together from 1982 until his death. From 1986-1988 he was a senior researcher at Philips Labs, Briarcliff Manor, New York where he worked on text retrieval problems and helped to develop a novel user model and interface for a combination TV-VCR. Following this short stint in New York, he chose to return to California. From 1989-1992 he worked as a human interface designer at Apple Computer, before moving to Sun Microsystems where he continued to do human interface design until his retirement in June, 2000.
Among his favorite projects at Sun were HotJava Views, and the Java Look and Feel Design Guidelines. Don contributed numerous articles to professional journals and held a number of patents. His "The Anti-Mac Interface" (written with Jakob Nielsen in 1996) continues to be a classic in the field. Don made sure that his "so-called career" left him plenty of time for things he deeply loved like spending lots of time with Judith and friends, traveling, doing carpentry projects, avidly going to movies, and pursuing his more than 30 year genealogical project. Genealogy was an ideal environment for him, with many puzzles to solve and opportunities for making new connections with people spread around the world. Some of that work is captured in the volume "The Wiesental-Springville Connection: a genealogy of families who left Wiesental, Baden, Germany and settled near Springville, New York, USA in the 2nd Half of the 19th Century", and on his Web site (http://homepages.rootsweb.com/~gentner/index.html).
He is survived by his wife, Judith Stewart, and his siblings Marjorie Mooney, James Gentner, Thomas Gentner, Diane Leggero, Leslie Gentner, and Audrey Parsons.
Celebrations of Don's life will be held on July 16th from 5-7pm at the home of friends in Menlo Park, California and on July 30th from 5-7pm at the home of Diane and Michael Leggero, in Springville, New York. Don will be buried at dusk on July 30th near his parents and grandparents in St. Aloysius Cemetery, Springville, New York.
Thursday, July 21
The celebration of Don's life held on Saturday here in California is being described by friends and family as "beautiful" and "wonderful". People from the many phases of Don's life came together to celebrate him and our journey together. Many who could not attend sent moving tributes. The consistent picture drawn by the various people who shared their thoughts was of a curious, graceful and strong man who reveled in friendship and connection. I was deeply moved by the community hug and appreciation of our relationship, as Don would have been I'm sure.
There is no way to recreate the moment but I thought loyal readers of Don's health page might appreciate knowing the music he picked for his celebration. Villa-Lobos--"Bachianas Brasil" on "Duets with the Spanish Guitar" Laurindo Almeida (guitar), Martin Ruderman (flute) and Salli Terri (voice). "Yield not to temptation" by the Roberta Martin Singers; Dolores Martin (lead voice). "Truckin" from the Grateful Dead "American Beauty". From "Waltz of the Wind" by Led Kaapana & Friends: "Radio Hula", "My yellow ginger lei", and "Waltz of the Wind".
I will fly east on July 27th with Don's ashes, and as planned we will bury him on the 30th after another celebratory gathering at Diane and Michael Leggero's house. These rituals are helping me and Don's friends and family cope with his loss, but sadness still abounds.
Sunday, August 7
At the July 30th celebration in Springville Don was celebrated as a brother, an uncle, a classmate, and a friend, warmly and in a style he would have loved. I am sure also that he would have enthusiastically joined the large group of high school classmates (class of 1957) who gathered together to honor him and be with each other for a few hours. I deeply appreciate the outpouring of love and support, and the fond memories of Don shared that day.
His ashes were buried in St. Aloysius cemetery following the celebration. At Don's graveside Diane read a poem (poet unknown) which a friend had read at the California celebration.
A Thousand Winds
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints in snow
I am the sunlight in ripened grain;
I am the gentle Autumn's rain.
When you awake in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet and circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there; I did not die.
At this point it seems appropriate to stop entries on Don's health page. I appreciate so much the love and support his readers have sent me. Most have been family, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances from long ago. However some readers who only knew Don through his health page have also written with condolences and appreciation for his allowing others to travel with him on this journey. It is difficult to say goodbye to this page. Writing here, although very difficult recently, has helped with this enormous grief. Although I do not plan to update the page any further, I will maintain it indefinitely so seekers of information about brain tumors will have access to Don's wisdom and indomitable spirit. I will remain at jstew@mac.com.
