Blogging

Sat - December 20, 2008

OMP is now officially moved and gone from here

The few who are still dropping by have noticed I am not paying much attention to this site anymore. Lifli appears to have pulled the plugged on support to iBlog, and I've been doing most of daily posts over at Maggie's Farm where I they love my work, a dollar a day's worth. The One Minute President is now located here, at least until I get the domain hosting issues resolved. The channel links should eventually lead to the proper locations..

Posted at 04:34 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Tue - November 4, 2008

Change is on the way

I am now blogging daily at Dr. Faustroll Writes the Wrongs. You can also find more of Dr. Faustroll at Smoke Signals, both in the Ask Docter Faustaroll column and in the Communiations Section. The site you are currently on is the process of being redesigned and parceled out to other domains. The first spin-off should be the complete electronic version of The One Minute President to ONEMINUTEPRESIDENT.COM.

Posted at 11:17 AM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Mon - April 28, 2008

What? No one from Betelgeuse or Tralfamadore?

It's been a couple of years since I listed the places around the POMF™ where people have stumbled across Uncommon Sense or been drawn to it like blue bottle flies to digestible matter. So as we quickly approach the fifth anniversary of Mission Accomplished, I have donned my ceremonial codpiece and whipped out the spreadsheet to give you a run down of where our influence has spread in the intervening years.

Among the dozen or so new countries to drop by and take offense was Chile, home to pataphysical existential philosopher and poet Nevar Alons. Let's hear it for Nevar, ladies and gentlemen.

As of 8:30PMPDT2008042807A911, here's the list in order of frequency from highest to lowest:

Posted at 09:09 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Thu - April 3, 2008

Tiny Url

I'm so glad I found this place. iBlog creates horribly long URLs that often break and produce the infamous (and expectedly classy) mac.com 404 error page when I post comments or try links back to this site on other more acceptable forms of communication.

Posted at 05:56 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Wed - April 2, 2008

Bangkok? Not so much...

This comes direct from Roto Reuters, the queer eye for the dumb guy news service.

At first I thought the headline read Cosmic castration banned. But then I adjusted my perception to Comic castration banned. I assumed Lewis Black had gone over the edge again and had been apprehended buttfucking Greg Geraldo.

Nothing like having to munch balls and run.

Posted at 04:58 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Sun - March 23, 2008

A couple of more tweaks

I bought the upgrade to iBlog 2.0 a couple of months ago, but my existing HTML challenged 1.4.6 version was so brain damaged, it's been sitting unused in the Applications directory. Now that I'm finally close to having the perpetual ugliness fixed, I expect to be moving to a new look with new functionality in the next month or two.

Posted at 11:47 AM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Tue - March 11, 2008

I finally got the homey page working right...

...and I really like Taco for editing code outside iBlog and pasting it back in. The organization function makes the code easier to read, and checking syntax very much simplifies the process of identifying suspect tags.

Posted at 08:55 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Fri - March 7, 2008

Many things are fucked way worse than this blog...

...and I know I should care, but I don't, even though I have action items on my career development plan that indicate that caring is more important than not caring. This blog has been logically and structurally fucked up for at least a year now, and I'm finally getting around to fixing the shit. Not the content, of course. Just the shit.

Posted at 03:44 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Wed - January 23, 2008

Latoya Macrocock

I love spam, particularly when it is initiated by dipshit liberals associated with the terrorist group known as al Franqen.

Posted at 05:26 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Fri - January 4, 2008

Bolero

I remember my first exposure to this piece was not in music appreciation. Some Clemson frat boy recommended an LP that he promised would get me into the pants of any Clemson chick I wanted.

As it turned out I didn't want into the pants of many Clemson chicks, but I would recommend that any dipshit undergraduate looking to get into the pants of the chicks on that braindead campus these days, check out the various Zappa versions of Bolero.

Posted at 09:07 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Thu - January 3, 2008

Once again WordPress denies me posting rights...

...over at Discopants and Haricots, home of Mr. Green Genes. This happens with annoying frequency. I can never figure out why.

Pants had posted this, and I had commented that fascism is the cream of wheat that makes the NOMF grow stupider and more violent, and today I intended to add to that thought with another post, but NOOOOO, WordPress says:

Blithering, duplicitous, censorious assholes. Of course, I've already said that. Any asshole who survives to 18 is already repeating itself 20 times a day. Even fucking Shakespeare is still repeating himself and he's a lot deader than I am.

Posted at 08:45 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Wed - October 31, 2007

It is better to light a hemorrhoidal candle than curse the anus

I was actually about to repeat myself with a post on the ineluctable modality when I checked the recent hits from reddit and google, both of which suck atrophied donkey and elephant dicks, depending on which young political party is paying for the horse doobers and adult beverages on campus these days, when I found some Boy or Girl Scout or Cub or Brownie Scout looking for "light a fart instead" landed on this page.

Posted at 08:37 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Mon - October 22, 2007

Colbert courts more than big tent

I like Jon Stewart, always have since I first saw The Daily Show, when we got satellite coverage out at the Portland Pataphyscial Outpatient Clinic, Lounge, and Laundromat compound out in Idiotville. I know that some of the brain-damaged youthful old timers with Comedy Central prefer Craig Stillborn to Jon and Vance and Ed and John and Samantha and Mondiv and so many others, but while I find Cragi's name entertaining enough, the little I've seen of him doesn't measure up to Retardo Montalban.

Sorry. The Even Stevens — Carrell and Colbert — are the finest exports from Jon's show, although I still enjoy Jon and many of his writers and performers, but for me, Colbert is the only alumnus I can think of who has risen to the level of having some of those smoke-filled back room people (is that really what I meant?) figuring out how to get away with assassinating him.

Assassinate Stewart? No way, man. That entertaining jew boy almost single-handedly sold the war on terror the day he came back after September 11, 2001. This man is the gold for maintaining the status quo.

Posted at 06:38 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Tue - October 2, 2007

Bush punks out on Iran university invitation

Hell, we all knew he was pussy, codpiece and all. And now the wimp won't even risk having to put up with the kind of politeness Martin Elton Donnie John didn't get from the crude academic rube at Columbia University.

Posted at 09:01 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Sat - June 23, 2007

I'm not a liberal, bitch, and proud of it

I'm a conservative, but that's not politically speaking. I don't vote. I think voting is self abuse. It should be outlawed. People who vote are perverts, many of them pedophiles or scout masters or even worse, parents. I have written about this elsewhere for three or four decades. If you vote, you are an idiot. Really. If you are a liberal, it's only because you have no brains or balls, which makes you a pussy. And even women don't like being called pussies, when being called an asshole would do. All of you has got one on the bottom. If you like being an idiot, well, I am not about to condemn you for your willingness to patriotically embrace NOMF idiocy, but I'm not about to show you any mercy either. Political conservatives are idiots, assholes, closeted pud-suckers. Everyone knows that. I'm an asshole, plain and simple, like Sarah, played by Glenn Close with Chris (Apocalypse Now soon enough for you?) Walken as her suitor. Oh horseshit, even the dumbest of you know that's a lie. Glenn Close has never been plain or simple, and Sarah, well, Sarah is still being pursued by Arnold Whatiskopfinegger to prevent a world totally overrun by Neocondi Rice and Beaners, and I find liberals much more fun to fuck with than conservatives. Conservatives are idiots, granted, but liberals, well, liberals are deaf, dumb, and blind. And my tag line for 40 years has been "A mime leading the blind."

What???? You talking to me? You talking to me?

Forgive me. Or don't. You don't matter any more than I do. Unless you live in Iraq, Iran, or Afghanistan, where your life doesn't mean shit. No offense. But seriously, ragheads, when are you gonna understand that we (and I mean the general populace, liberals and conservatives alike) really don't give a shit about you as individuals? I'm just suggesting that you may need to get your asses away from our unfortunate opportunities to inflict some collateral damage like real soon now. I understand Syria and Iran can provide some shelter until we pursue your unlucky asses to those targets of opportunity. You heard it here first, and often.

Posted at 09:32 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Thu - May 17, 2007

I had a dream...

Many years ago in a naive world far, far away, I was afraid of authority. I thought I had a soul and was immortal. This was during the McCarthy era, after most of those heathen native Americans, including some of my gene pool contributors, had been pacified, before Fidel Castro had become one of our buddies, while we were getting ourselves involved in trying to occupy Southeast Asia by letting the French flounder, and back then I lived in New York City and wore dog tags for a time because at any moment the Communist atomic bombs could hit our elementary school and unless we had dog tags to identify our bodies (which at the time would only be tagged but not bagged, because plastic wasn't a big part of the economy yet, and The Graduate was quite a ways down the road. I wasn't even watching Them, and The Thing, and Invasion of the Body Snatchers yet) it would put a real strain on our families when they tried to file claims with the friendly neighborhood insurance agent. I consider those halycon Disney Years in my life. Where have all those good times gone?

Posted at 06:36 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Fri - April 6, 2007

I'm still getting visitors looking for the latest on Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen...

whose feud over who the real coprophiliac in the family really was actually got nearly 500 hits a couple of years ago. Recently, I've been unable to forget Poland. People from that unfortunate and exploited land have been landing here regularly of late looking for Youtube clips related to Paris Hilton's clitoris. Ah, I'm so glad the decider decided to build a coalition of the willing who seek general copulation on the Internet, which was invented by humongous environmentalist Al Gore and maintained by Alaska Senator Dimbulb Stevens, who considers it a system of tubes which requires only shotkrete and asphalt to keep it working properly.

Posted at 02:39 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Thu - March 15, 2007

Oh, well that explains everything...

I just finished parsing the reality beyond the NOMF horseshit linking more than 27 CIA and FBI operations to whatisname William Calley Sheikh Yerbouti Mohammed Ali or some shit, and I came across this interesting imaginary definition of what the NOMF thinks it is up against:

Posted at 06:03 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Tue - January 9, 2007

I'm playing around with Sandvox

Now that the satellite is up and running again (knock me on the head and cut off my crossed fingers), I'm going to test the latest iBlog 2.0 beta and muck a bit with Karelia's Sandvox. I've been impressed with the simplicity of Sandvox thus far, although I haven't tried publishing with it.

Posted at 10:03 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Wed - October 4, 2006

The minions are doing their thing...

and I have no idea who they are! Thank you, Al Gore, for inventing the Internet!

The reports are coming in from around the physical world and the ether that makes me proud of the entire Bring on the Bomb effort which was originally inspired by Paul Fericano preface to my Disturbances poetry collection in 1991. My approach to living is, of course, based on Gandhi's nonviolent resistance approach, except the Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge, and Laundromat prefers Xtremism to moderation, having provoked the implosion of more "intellectual" Internet discussions than we will ever admit to here or under oath.

We don't have any opponents, although we have many enemies. Ignore, laugh, fight, and eventually we'll get my bomb, and I don't care about winning or losing. I really don't care about anything, except Repo Man and the original Alien, and a couple of secrets. Catch me if you can!

Posted at 04:34 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Sun - August 27, 2006

Al Franken Web

I used to go there. I set up hundreds of member names there that I sold with Yossarian Universal (YU) press cards to young people as part of the terrorist network I set up 20 years ago.

Posted at 05:15 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Tue - August 1, 2006

The more the times are a'changing...

The more they remain the same. Insanity is not repeating the same action over and over and expecting different results. That's sound government and social policy in the NOMF. Insanity is remaining polite while the Republicrats and Demopublicans complain about one another's clothing.

Posted at 03:53 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Sun - July 30, 2006

Oh so happy queefs have made me

Today the blog is experiencing the majestic indignity of being hit again and again by visitors from the Al Franken board. You remember Al Franken, the Stuart Smiley smarmy sanctimonious guidance counsellor whose own mirror hated him? These people are his fans. Like worms, they share a single orifice for ingestion and excretion.

Posted at 02:59 PM Imagine it all

Mark it:

Tue - July 25, 2006

I can't reveal my imaginary AlFranken identity

because I am evil person. A troll. The worst thing that has ever happened to liberal American Radio! I have a sense of humor! I can laugh about EVERYTHING! I like torturing liberals because they enjoy being abused. It gives them a purpose in life, an excuse for their lack of critical thinking skills. So what if they can't do abstract math, they can tell when something pisses them off, and things that piss them off clearly violate the Code of Conduct!

Posted at 05:45 PM Imagine it all

Mark it: