Bush administration rushes to reprivatize banking industry
Artie
Lemming-Laffer
Phynancial Pharmacology Desk
Imaginary News Universal Information Terrorists
0410092008AFWSUX11063801PMS
Phynancial Pharmacology Desk
Imaginary News Universal Information Terrorists
0410092008AFWSUX11063801PMS
WASHINGTON (INUIT) — Several dozen
Bush administration supporters are jockeying for position to take partial
ownership in U.S. banks as an option for dealing with the severe global credit
crisis caused by liberals and Islamic
extremists.
An administration official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because international wars crimes bounty hunters are closing in on Bush insiders, said the $700 billion rescue package passed by Congress last week allows the Treasury Department to inject fresh capital into financial institutions in return for ownership shares for those who brokered the agreement and their family members.
The official said the new powers granted in the legislation were being vetted by a top-secret non-partisan committee formed to ensure that Democrats do not profit from the serious credit crisis caused by their lack of support for Bush domestic and diplomatic programs, such as the war on terror and the ban on stem cell research.
A decision to inject capital directly into financial institutions in return for ownership stakes by friends and allies of President Bush would be similar to a plan announced Wednesday by Britain, which includes a monument to Margaret Thatcher going down on Ronald Reagan with killer whale Keiko in the background.
Treasury Secretary Pat Paulson told reporters that the Treasury was moving hastily and "with reckless disregard for propriety and the business as usual attitude embraced by the far left, al Franqen, and the Democrats" to spend the $700 billion authorized by Congress "in innovative, exciting, and surprising ways," and he specifically mentioned reviewing ways to bolster the capital of banks by moving their assets offshore.
"We will use all the tools we've been given to maximum effectiveness, including strengthening the capitalization of financial institutions of every size, from those who are too big to fail to those who are even larger," Paulson said at a Wednesday news conference, wearing a Linda Lovelace commemorative tee-shirt.
Asked whether he would try something like the British plan, Paulson said: "If you'll recall history for a moment, you'll realize that we broke with the British more than 200 years years ago, and they no longer have anything to teach us beside perfecting our table manners, which I am not poo-pooing, mind you. Americans need to understand the proper use of utensils, and for their good taste, we applaud the British. On the economic front, however, we have a broad range of authorities and tools, including those I cannot talk about in a family newspaper. We've emphasized the purchase of liquid assets that can be sold on eBay, but we have a broad range of authorities. And I'm confident we have the authorities we need to work with going forward."
Up until now, the administration has said that its major goal is to purchase bad loans from financial institutions, but Paulson's remarks seem to indicate that Bush and his handlers view the latest crisis in his catastrophic reign as an opportunity to plunder whatever imaginary value still exists in the NOMF™ before handing its withered husk over to the Democrats who are doomed to win the White House and complete control of the House and Senate in November.
Paulson said that while the financial market turmoil has injured and inconvenienced a few overly optimistic liberal speculators in the irrrationally exhuberant economy created during the Clinton years, the current administration is moving quickly to institute the largest financial system repurposing effort in history.
Despite the program to buy bad assets from financial institutions, Paulson said, most credit unions will fail, "because they did not participate in the unprecedented growth of value during the era of derivatives and value-added incentivication, which is now behind us. They trusted in value and equity as agreed upon by their cooperative owners, when it was much more prudent to bet on short term profits, so now they must pay for their long-sightedness."
Paulson also called for patience, saying "the turmoil will not end quickly and significant challenges remain ahead, as we try to minimize the benefits the Democrats and other terrorist groups will attempt to extract from this unfortunate catastrophe of their own making."
Paulson said he was consulting with President Bush, congressional leaders and presidential candidates Barack Hussein Obama and Vietnam war hero John McCain before choosing a Bush family friend or acquaintance to fill his job permanently. The post requires Senate confirmation, something Paulson predicted could occur in late October. Surprise, surprise.
© Copyright 2008, Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates. All Rights Reserved. The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laundromat, a leisure disservice of the Church of the Oven of Peace, provides imaginary solutions to your imaginary problems and imaginary cures for your imaginary illnesses. Leading the blind since 1896.
An administration official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because international wars crimes bounty hunters are closing in on Bush insiders, said the $700 billion rescue package passed by Congress last week allows the Treasury Department to inject fresh capital into financial institutions in return for ownership shares for those who brokered the agreement and their family members.
The official said the new powers granted in the legislation were being vetted by a top-secret non-partisan committee formed to ensure that Democrats do not profit from the serious credit crisis caused by their lack of support for Bush domestic and diplomatic programs, such as the war on terror and the ban on stem cell research.
A decision to inject capital directly into financial institutions in return for ownership stakes by friends and allies of President Bush would be similar to a plan announced Wednesday by Britain, which includes a monument to Margaret Thatcher going down on Ronald Reagan with killer whale Keiko in the background.
Treasury Secretary Pat Paulson told reporters that the Treasury was moving hastily and "with reckless disregard for propriety and the business as usual attitude embraced by the far left, al Franqen, and the Democrats" to spend the $700 billion authorized by Congress "in innovative, exciting, and surprising ways," and he specifically mentioned reviewing ways to bolster the capital of banks by moving their assets offshore.
"We will use all the tools we've been given to maximum effectiveness, including strengthening the capitalization of financial institutions of every size, from those who are too big to fail to those who are even larger," Paulson said at a Wednesday news conference, wearing a Linda Lovelace commemorative tee-shirt.
Asked whether he would try something like the British plan, Paulson said: "If you'll recall history for a moment, you'll realize that we broke with the British more than 200 years years ago, and they no longer have anything to teach us beside perfecting our table manners, which I am not poo-pooing, mind you. Americans need to understand the proper use of utensils, and for their good taste, we applaud the British. On the economic front, however, we have a broad range of authorities and tools, including those I cannot talk about in a family newspaper. We've emphasized the purchase of liquid assets that can be sold on eBay, but we have a broad range of authorities. And I'm confident we have the authorities we need to work with going forward."
Up until now, the administration has said that its major goal is to purchase bad loans from financial institutions, but Paulson's remarks seem to indicate that Bush and his handlers view the latest crisis in his catastrophic reign as an opportunity to plunder whatever imaginary value still exists in the NOMF™ before handing its withered husk over to the Democrats who are doomed to win the White House and complete control of the House and Senate in November.
Paulson said that while the financial market turmoil has injured and inconvenienced a few overly optimistic liberal speculators in the irrrationally exhuberant economy created during the Clinton years, the current administration is moving quickly to institute the largest financial system repurposing effort in history.
Despite the program to buy bad assets from financial institutions, Paulson said, most credit unions will fail, "because they did not participate in the unprecedented growth of value during the era of derivatives and value-added incentivication, which is now behind us. They trusted in value and equity as agreed upon by their cooperative owners, when it was much more prudent to bet on short term profits, so now they must pay for their long-sightedness."
Paulson also called for patience, saying "the turmoil will not end quickly and significant challenges remain ahead, as we try to minimize the benefits the Democrats and other terrorist groups will attempt to extract from this unfortunate catastrophe of their own making."
Paulson said he was consulting with President Bush, congressional leaders and presidential candidates Barack Hussein Obama and Vietnam war hero John McCain before choosing a Bush family friend or acquaintance to fill his job permanently. The post requires Senate confirmation, something Paulson predicted could occur in late October. Surprise, surprise.
© Copyright 2008, Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates. All Rights Reserved. The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laundromat, a leisure disservice of the Church of the Oven of Peace, provides imaginary solutions to your imaginary problems and imaginary cures for your imaginary illnesses. Leading the blind since 1896.
Posted: Thu - October 9, 2008 at 11:40 AM
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Published On: Oct 10, 2008 04:48 PM
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Published On: Oct 10, 2008 04:48 PM