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Sun - October 12, 2008I can't believe Opus is dying...Berke Breathed I could understand. People die all
the time. Take collateral damage. Puhleeze. But comic characters are not
supposed to perish. I can think of dozens that have thus far outlived their
creators.
Posted at 04:04 PM Imagine it all
Mark it:
Wed - October 8, 2008No voter left behindEvery time I try to improve my outlook on life and
get back to cynicism, I read something that makes me understand why God created
razors and wrists.
Posted at 03:10 AM Imagine it all
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Mon - September 29, 2008New Best-Selling Memoir: Money DearestI told you so, I told you so. Hell, I was
offering bumper stickers calling for the impeachment of both the Bush yahoos
before their inaugurations, and here it's like, wow, dude, how did this happen?
Where were the regulators? Right where you elected them, bozos.
Posted at 02:43 PM Imagine it all
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Wed - September 24, 2008Bush says Democrats want to wipe out 401K and equity valueWhat is it with this guy? Does he really believe
that anyone, even the most ignorant among his NOMF™ athletic supporters,
listens to any of his nonsense anymore? Hey, Fubar, the days of preemptive war
are over. You can only pull the foreskin over the eyes of the uncircumscribed so
often before they notice you are holding your copy of My Pet Goat upside
down.
Posted at 08:45 PM Imagine it all
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Tue - September 23, 2008Let's see if I got this right...For nearly eight years, George Herbert Hoover
Bush and his handlers have raped and pillaged the planet in the name of
freedomocracy and now six weeks before another meaningless election, the
NOMF™ appears willing to cede what little imaginary control over its
pitiful existence by lining up at the phynancial showers and forking over
approximately 5 grand a voting head to the very people who have rammed their
deregulatory hard love up the public poop chute to keep Wall Street safe from
terrorism.
Posted at 10:23 AM Imagine it all
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Fri - September 5, 2008P.T. Barnum still rules!First I had to endure an idiotic childhood in a
dysfunctional family, forced to attend public and religious education that I
found stupid and annoying. Then I had to lie about reading a book that my
parents bought from the Book of the Month club and wrote a book report on. Later
I let myself be drafted hoping this lunatic nation would kill me so I wouldn't
have to continue to try to kill myself. And now, a senior citizen to Denny's and
Regal Cinemas, just shy of starting to draw Social Security, I am no longer
amazed at the complete moral cesspool and malignantly murderous nation of morons
into which I was born and in which I continue to live.
Obviously, I'm insane. Everything I saw and understood before leaving the fourth grade is still happening, and people all around continue to do the same things they've always done, hoping that things will get better. I've never expected things to get better, and yet, here I am, still alive and well, and I know, as Johnny Winters used to sing, that every now and then it gets a little hard to tell, but I'm still alive and well. And having a great time, I might add. Hope the rest of you aren't suffering too much. Posted at 04:03 PM Imagine it all
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Wed - July 16, 2008Bush claims dyslexitive privillagesI'm so glad I gave up on this country 50 years
ago.
Posted at 09:27 PM Imagine it all
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Tue - February 12, 2008Yes, yes, yes! Molly screams...Oh, this has nothing to do with Marvin and the
River Pirates or life in general. I just noticed that this site now has more
than a dozen terms that if you are feeling on Google will lead you right
here.
Posted at 05:20 PM Imagine it all
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Mon - February 4, 2008The Champions of Chicken Choking!The incompetently prissified grandchildren of the
greatest generation, the New England Patriots have been crowned perfect chokers
after their quivering quimmy performance against the New York Giants in Petty
Bowl double-extra large royal with Alicia Keys cheese. Has anyone ever seen a
worse lipsynching job that Ms. Keys managed, stumbling through a Britneyfied
dance routine and not even attempting to approximate any connection with the
song blaring into my living room while she battered the ivories?
Posted at 05:56 PM Imagine it all
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Thu - January 10, 2008I AM THE TWAT TERRORISTS FEAR MOSTEST FROM THE HOSTESSThis is the third time I've tried to post this
entry. The first time was on January 6, 2008. We've had some bad weather in and
around the Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge, and Laundromat
compound recently and many of us are suffering from Donner fevver. Dr. Faustroll
went like totally bat shit last night and hosed one of our SANs by tossing it
through the garden window on the third level onto the parking lot. "Don't worry
about it," he said, once again slipping into darkness and his preferred personna
in this silly farce the rest of us call life, "It's not like it's gone," he
said, in his best seersucker Wayne Trout inflection, "It's insured."
Posted at 05:10 PM Imagine it all
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Sun - January 6, 2008I AM WHAT THE TERRORISTS MOST FEARThat's what the cover of
Parade
magazine in today's
Oregonadian
says in an interview with Benazir Bhuttofuoco written by Gail Sheey, who is
shown on page 8 dancing "in the streets of Sindh province with Bhutto
supporters." Other memorable subheads in the spread are "Is she America's best
hope in the region?' and "'She will work with anyone to get back into power,'
says her own niece.'"
Excuse me for raining on the parade, but she ain't working with anyone these days. Posted at 04:06 PM Imagine it all
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Fri - December 14, 2007Music really is the bestHere in the cave, working on the walls, even if
iTunes failed or the entire grid went down and the iPod no longer spewed its
smooth modulated extrapolation of Brook Benton or the Electric Prunes, it
wouldn't matter. I would still have those in my head. The Orange County Lumber
Truck. Here Comes the Flood. Train Going Backwards. Tommy the Cat. No
Apologies.
Posted at 10:17 PM Imagine it all
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Now more than ever, we need Alfred Jarry to returnOne of the times I sought to reduce liver
function by having to submit to the NOMF™ religious health care system,
during which I continually told my captors that I did not believe in God and
could not believe in God because I had never believed in anything and found
belief, as a concept, completely repugnant and deserving of only contempt, much
like rule of law, and the imposition of arbitrary tribal authority upon those
who never had an opportunity to agree to the social contract, which, of course,
is what every not Schiavoed mind that enters the world occupied this miserably
fucking nation is expected to
accept...
The simple realization, of course, was that a sober serial killer was still a serial killer. Codpiece, anyone? Posted at 04:27 PM Imagine it all
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Tue - October 2, 2007Hug yourself if you can't take a jokeI made a sign that I hung in my office a couple
of decades ago that said Hug them if they
can't take a joke. I was asked to remove it
because it was offensive. I refused to remove it and was eventually kind of
fired after the place paid me a lot of money and made me promise never to apply
to work there again. Boy, those folks sure put me in my place.
Posted at 08:49 PM Imagine it all
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Mon - September 24, 2007Not everything is on the tableIn fact, most of the dealings during the current
Fubar administration have been under the table, and the refusal to allow the
average American idiot unfettered access to alternative viewpoints in a highly
successful attempt to prop up one of the most corrupt, immoral, and inept
regimes in the history of cowboy philosophy continues to paint
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (or as the
First Idiot calls him "Martin Elton Donnie Osmand-John) as the devil we can see
in plain sight. Where's Osama? Reading the
New York Daily
News (THE EVIL HAS LANDED) and
Post
(guest of dishonor) today following the flap over Move On ripping me off and
using the obvious pun of General Betraeus in one of their ads, is it any wonder
that uncommon citizens of the NOMF™ have become so skeptical of the
Eastern liberal media establishment?
Posted at 06:34 AM Imagine it all
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Wed - April 18, 2007Oh goodness gracious, they are almost on to usBut you know how it goes with liberals. They are
so busy running around trying to make the world safe for people who don't give a
shit that they sometimes tramples on their schwantzes and clitori and then
complain that someone else hasn't wiped their shoes first.
Posted at 05:46 PM Imagine it all
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Sat - March 10, 2007300 and too many liberalsI can see why the White House and most rational
conservatives hate Hollywood. The liberals have once again taken a simple tale
about heroism and the roots of freedomocracy and turned it into a diatribe
against the culture of life and an honorably moral stand against
position-assisted suicide and late term abortion. Liberals have also attempted
to paint the brave Spartans as homophobes who simply couldn't deal with a strong
effeminate leader in the mold of Margaret Thatcher and that their inability to
understand and embrace degenerate hunchbacks, gays, radiation-mutated WMD
purveyors, and Persians with alternative lifestyles is what has made the
astonishing success of staying the course with a few mid-horse adjustments in
the never-ending reelection campaign war against terror so difficult to put into
terms that the average cut and runner can understand.
300 should have been about honoring our citizen soldiers who have gone over there to destroy Islamic extremists so that we can continue to shop safely in our malls and secure-Web sites over here. Instead the filmmakers went for the political middle ground of the new Democrat super-minority in the House and Senate and muddled a message that has never been more appropriate to our time: no retreat, no surrender, no prisoners, and no mercy. All Americans can agree that never before in the history of Western Christianity has understanding the power of just saying no offered greater opportunity to justify God's unwavering message to man: follow the rule of law, or go to hell. You don't need James Dobson or Jerry Falwell to understand the correctness of that message. Posted at 06:02 PM Imagine it all
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Mon - February 19, 2007It's George Dubya Day!I wonder how disappointed the first First Idiot
would feel listening to the 43rd, claiming to be his namesake, asking why no one
is singing him Happy Birthday, asking why the Democraps are being such
poopyheads. "I'm the Decider," he smiled benignly, as if staring at his own
polyps, "I have executive responsibilities! The voters gave me this mandrake! I
can change my birthday as easy as telling somebody to print up a decree for me
and order a bunch of pens so I can sign my name one letter at a time like I was
using Craygons or Klinyons or whatever you call them and sell the rest of the
pens on e-Bay with the proceeds going to help our troops!"
Posted at 11:33 AM Imagine it all
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Wed - February 7, 2007Celebrating the Irreverent Martin Luther King Junior Bowl XLIfinally Now that the outrage has died down over
my insensitive remarks regarding Cosmos Kramer's hilarious meltdown a couple of
months ago, and whoever the fuck Tired of the BS was has stopped repetitively
posting his niggardly negative nabob nigrarian notes linked to this hostel of
helpful hints for the dehumane on Al Gore's disinformation frontage road that
runs past the ethereal tarbaby shanty town of freedomocracy, only Price and his
phallic performance saved our television from getting a pataphysical boot up its
glass ass for making us endure several sickening hours or feel-good propaganda
during the first officially sanctioned God and His Oppressed Minority Bowl of
2007. Jeezuz Christy Brinkley, people, it wasn't as if a native American had
survived the blankets and cavalry raids and concentration camps to make it to
the pinnacle of NOMF achievement. These were uncle Toms! If you closed your eyes
and listened to Lovie Smith, who could have been Bear Bryant. And this good God
Almight, thank you Jesus, thank you Lord horse shit has really begun to smell
even worse than that yellow liquid the poor used to get as deodorant during the
days of trickle-down economic and political
equality.
And even Prince used to have his guitar spew gouts of creamy liquid out the neck as he fantasized about Tipper Gore doing it with Darling Nikki. Posted at 05:19 PM Imagine it all
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Fri - February 2, 2007U.S. to invade Iran during spring breakIt's now official. The administration has asked for
another half billion dollars for Iraq and Afghanistan while secretly engaging in
a massive build-up of naval forces in the Persian Gulf, and this administration
never officially budgets for military operations, preferring to finance the
never-ending reelection campaign war on sanity with special no-interest,
no-payments until 2035 offers from VISA and Mastercard.
Even the liberal media began suspecting an invasion of Iran was possible when the First Idiot turned to Admiral William "Wild Bill" Fallon to take over the U.S. military command in the Middle East said yesterday, and prompted told the Senate Armed Services Committee during his confirmation hearing, "What the Democrat Congress has been doing is not working, and we need to adapt to changing realities on the high seas and all along the coast of the Persian Gulf." But I still thought extending our stay the NOMF course of schlock and awful was a bit of a long shot until today. Posted at 11:05 AM Imagine it all
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Sat - January 6, 2007I Am What the Terrorists Most FearThat's what the cover of
Parade
magazine in today's
Oregonadian
says in an interview with Benazir Bhuttofuouco written by Gail Sheey, who is
shown on page 8 dancing "in the streets of Sindh province with Bhutto
supporters." Other memorable subheads in the spread are "Is she America's best
hope in the region?' and "'She will work with anyone to get back into power,'
says her own niece.'"
Excuse me for raining on the parade, but she ain't working with anyone these days. Posted at 09:10 PM Imagine it all
Mark it:
Wed - November 22, 2006Sticks and stones...I am no longer anymore amazed . I apparently enraged a rainbow
citizen of the NOMF signed Sick of the BS so much so that he or she or them or
it, as Bobby Zimmerman once wrote, have decided to spam
the disinformation on-ramp with a link to this observation with an polemical horse
exhaustation blaming whitey, which I am not, for all the horrible problems
visited upon the various niggers of the world. Mostly I feel sorry for Mary Kate
and Ashley fans who have had to suffer through a virtual denial of service
attack on this pathetic imaginary site solely dedicated to providing imaginary
solutions to imaginary people with imaginary problems and providing imaginary
cures for imaginary illness to imaginary terminal patients.
What is it about people who believe things and have strong opinions? Why is it they feel compelled to flash and yearn and flail and burn? What do they have against racists and sexists and specists and other ordinary members of the AADL who don't want to be loved? You remember the childhood mantra about sticks and stones. Everybody remembers it, but how many question it? Words are what drive people to organized, state-sanctioned murder. It's called war, ethnic cleansing, securing the homeland, whatever. Sticks and stones may break my bones, I was taught, but names could never harm me. And they don't harm me, although they do harm buttheads like Sick of the BS and so many other of my fellow subterranean humanoid idiots. Posted at 05:39 PM Imagine it all
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Thu - November 16, 2006And they're just what they appear to be...Catch me if you can.
Posted at 09:22 PM Imagine it all
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Tue - October 31, 2006I rest your caseI have no case. I live outside the law,
uncommonly sensible or unsensibly common, which are not the same thing, of
course, and neither of which truly describe the pataphysical credo I espouse. I
imagine and you wish. I create and you recreate. I play and you die without
meaning. That's what I call a level playing field. I am not surprised that my
coinage of NOMF and the words for which it is an acronym had caught on. Even on
Google, which sucks elephant reproductive appendages while squatting on a donkey
utensil, finds this site worthy enough to be among the top four hits when some
unsuspecting and purely deserving citizen of the NOMF attempts to discover
exactly what such citizenship entails. In fact, there is even some enterprising
slimeball attempting to sell the NOMF name to the highest bidder sitting atop
Google's fecal returns. So what is this
post about? you may ask, and I, of course,
will avoid answering your question because I understand the ways of the NOMF.
One day I may become the press secretary for the ultimate Power Wisher, one of
the drunken twins spawned by the current First Idiot, Regan and Cordelia, so I'm
practicing.
Posted at 05:57 PM Imagine it all
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Mon - August 14, 2006I was thinking about the past today and Bongo Fury!and it looked pretty much like the future,
without the intelligence, of course, and without some reliable comedy rock and
roll groups. So I decided to invade several liberal gated Internet communities
and ask them politely to consume feces and expire. It appears to be
working.
Posted at 09:24 PM Imagine it all
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Total entries in this category: Published On: Oct 12, 2008 04:04 PM |
