BIN LADEN TAPE RECALLED BY FUBAR ADMINSTRATION
by UNCOMMON SENSE
Manuel Noreiga, Stiff Writer
Pataphysical Misinformation Service
Dec 18 2001 09:11:16 EST
Faulty dubbing, amateur editing, and inaccurate translation may increase U.S. liability in slander trial
Manuel Noreiga, Stiff Writer
Pataphysical Misinformation Service
Dec 18 2001 09:11:16 EST
Faulty dubbing, amateur editing, and inaccurate translation may increase U.S. liability in slander trial
THE MATRIX (PMS) - Two days after MSNBC.com Webcast
a grainy and virtually inaudible video allegedly linking Osama bin Laden to the
Sept. 11 terror attacks, the Fubar administration continued to distance itself
from the hoax, stating that bin Laden's guilt was already a foregone conclusion.
“The man is pure evil,” said Fubar, son of Stupid, the brain-damaged president, whispering on condition of anonymity, “and we're on his trail. We're tracking him down. He won't escape. We'll get him one way or the other. Dead or dying. I don't care. You can't negotiate with evil. Wouldn't be prudent. Better to wipe it out. Like a cancer. Make the country safe for theocracy.”
The hoax footage, which shows bin Laden eating and chatting and laughing about the terrorist attacks, was actually filmed at a Denny's restaurant in Valparaiso by two fifth graders from Alferd E. Packer Elementary School.
Fubar administration officials had rushed to release the tape after it was found on a tip from Russian president Vladimir Rasputin. According to some sources, high-ranking officials in the government have grown increasingly worried in recent weeks that the civilian death toll in Afghanistan may exceed 8 million, and it now appears that Osama bin Laden has joined Santa's elves and has been living at the North Pole since late August.
The tape was found on a coffee table in Gary Condit's Georgetown apartment along with several unidentified body parts and a matchbook cover containing the address of a drug house in Shalalalalawebad, Afghanistan.
Critics and skeptics who have accused the Fubar government of ruling illegitimately and waging an illegal genocidal war against a stone age population pointed out that the videotape, even on television, is virtually inaudible and that the scrolled translation has no relation to the actors on the screen.
According to a transcript provided by the U.S. government, bin Laden is heard to say:
"(...Inaudible...) calculated in advance the (...Inaudible...) enemy, who would be (...Inaudible...) the tower. (...Inaudible...) the floors that would be (...Inaudible...) or four floors. (...Inaudible...) was the most optimistic of them all. (...Inaudible...) due to (...Inaudible...) experience in this field, (...Inaudible...) that the fire from the gas in the plane would melt the iron structure of the building and collapse the area where the plane hit and all the floors above it only. This is all that (...Inaudible...) had hoped for."
"That tape is just evil and shows that Yo Mama been wearing combat boots,” wrote one typically informed MSNBC.com reader. “You can see how that woman, Ms. Lewinski, probably planned the attack and had full knowledge of what was going on between Chandra Levy and Gary Condom.” Condom and Lewinski briefly appear at the beginning of the tape when they order power breakfasts.
Some skeptics expressed disappointment at the poor quality of the hoax. "If that's all the government could come up with as proof after three months, I think it's time to recall the entire sorry ass bunch," said Bob Woodward, no relation to the Watergate journalist, speaking on condition of total anonymity, "These guys are incompetent clowns. They couldn't even steal an election without raising suspicion, and now they're making Blair Witch Project look like Spielberg did it. For crying out loud.”
© Copyright 2001, Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates. All Rights Reserved. The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laundromat, a leisure service of the Church of the Oven of Peace, provides imaginary solutions to your imaginary problems. Defy authority.
“The man is pure evil,” said Fubar, son of Stupid, the brain-damaged president, whispering on condition of anonymity, “and we're on his trail. We're tracking him down. He won't escape. We'll get him one way or the other. Dead or dying. I don't care. You can't negotiate with evil. Wouldn't be prudent. Better to wipe it out. Like a cancer. Make the country safe for theocracy.”
The hoax footage, which shows bin Laden eating and chatting and laughing about the terrorist attacks, was actually filmed at a Denny's restaurant in Valparaiso by two fifth graders from Alferd E. Packer Elementary School.
Fubar administration officials had rushed to release the tape after it was found on a tip from Russian president Vladimir Rasputin. According to some sources, high-ranking officials in the government have grown increasingly worried in recent weeks that the civilian death toll in Afghanistan may exceed 8 million, and it now appears that Osama bin Laden has joined Santa's elves and has been living at the North Pole since late August.
The tape was found on a coffee table in Gary Condit's Georgetown apartment along with several unidentified body parts and a matchbook cover containing the address of a drug house in Shalalalalawebad, Afghanistan.
Critics and skeptics who have accused the Fubar government of ruling illegitimately and waging an illegal genocidal war against a stone age population pointed out that the videotape, even on television, is virtually inaudible and that the scrolled translation has no relation to the actors on the screen.
According to a transcript provided by the U.S. government, bin Laden is heard to say:
"(...Inaudible...) calculated in advance the (...Inaudible...) enemy, who would be (...Inaudible...) the tower. (...Inaudible...) the floors that would be (...Inaudible...) or four floors. (...Inaudible...) was the most optimistic of them all. (...Inaudible...) due to (...Inaudible...) experience in this field, (...Inaudible...) that the fire from the gas in the plane would melt the iron structure of the building and collapse the area where the plane hit and all the floors above it only. This is all that (...Inaudible...) had hoped for."
"That tape is just evil and shows that Yo Mama been wearing combat boots,” wrote one typically informed MSNBC.com reader. “You can see how that woman, Ms. Lewinski, probably planned the attack and had full knowledge of what was going on between Chandra Levy and Gary Condom.” Condom and Lewinski briefly appear at the beginning of the tape when they order power breakfasts.
Some skeptics expressed disappointment at the poor quality of the hoax. "If that's all the government could come up with as proof after three months, I think it's time to recall the entire sorry ass bunch," said Bob Woodward, no relation to the Watergate journalist, speaking on condition of total anonymity, "These guys are incompetent clowns. They couldn't even steal an election without raising suspicion, and now they're making Blair Witch Project look like Spielberg did it. For crying out loud.”
© Copyright 2001, Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates. All Rights Reserved. The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laundromat, a leisure service of the Church of the Oven of Peace, provides imaginary solutions to your imaginary problems. Defy authority.
Posted: Tue - December 18, 2001 at 08:09 PM
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