BUSH SAYS BIG BROTHER STANDING WATCH 24/7
by Eric Arthur
Blair
UNCOMMON SENSE
Pataphysical Millicent Syndicate
Political Editor
02 15 2003 03 46 58 02 05 AMA 61N 1UP
UNCOMMON SENSE
Pataphysical Millicent Syndicate
Political Editor
02 15 2003 03 46 58 02 05 AMA 61N 1UP
WASHINGTON (PMS) - Press Secretary Airhead
Fleischer moved quickly today to dispel the notion that President Bush was
advocating the creation of a secure society based on 1984, George Orwell's
classic dystopian satire of 1940's Britain.
"The president used the term Big Brother in its modern faith-based meaning," Fleischer explained, "in which good, strong, and morally upright God-fearing men help their at-risk little brethren to cope with an increasingly hostile world ruled by terror. The president has no knowledge of 1984, much less read it. Remember, the highest grade he has ever earned in the classroom was a C-."
Some in the press corps were not soothed by Fleischer's explanation, noting that many high school dropouts apparently have a greater grasp of history and reality than the First Idiot.
On Saturday, seeking to calm Americans who were panicked by the high orange alert that left at least 30 people dead and another 100 hospitalized from asphyxiation after having taped their houses shut with plastic sheeting and duct tape, the President said that his administration is "standing tall and walking the talk and talking the walk 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, like you'd expect your Big Brother to do. And that's what we're aiming to do, besides leading a coalition of the willing to dismember the evil ones, you know, is, well, we're trying to stand watch while we're hunting them down and dragging them out, is what, yes, we're trying to be like your Big Brother, to make you feel safe as a poor person in a safety net as we moved forward with this reelection campaign war against evil."
"Many of the dangerosities you face are unfamiliarized and upsettling," Bush said in his weekly radio address while trying to calm a public increasingly incensed by his stupidity.
"Yet I assure you," he said, "that our government has only itself to blame for having your best interest at heart, at every level from the managers to the assistant managers to the directors and on up, because we're responsifying to this threat, working to track down every evil one and standing watch 24 hours a day like your big brother against terrorism and thought crime."
Bush said Americans should relax and let go and let his professionals do the worrying about keeping their communities safe from attack like they've been doing since he was elected by the rule of law. "Americans should go about their lives of being productive members of a faith-based society, ever vigilant, like the mighty eagle, and not holed up in their basements like lowly clams, but vigilanter and awarer and readier to join the willing coalition of coalitioners in the fight against uncertainitude and doubtfulness," Bush said.
He said that raising of the terrorism alert level on Feb. 7 from yellow to high-tone orange "was primarily a test of the emergency Fatherland Security network to see how many little brothers we may have to look out for in this incessantly dangerous world. It was only a test. Nothing to get worried about. We wanted to substantialicate if federal, state and local law enforceables would notice and know to take additionable precautions and increasify security measurements against potential terrorizing attacks. We didn't intention for average personhoods like you and your family to even hear about it, or else we wouldn’t have told you."
Bush said he was heartened by the lack of activity by most first responders, which he took to indicate that all plans are already in place to protect critical infrastructure such as gas stations, oil companies, brokerage houses, and conservative talk show programs. He noted that borders have been effectively closed so no terrorist can get in or out and Americans can feel safely removed from the real world, so they can collect better intelligence on emerging domestic threats, perhaps even among their neighbors and estranged family members, and to detect a biological attack through an early warning network of sensors that detect increased atmospheric flatulence, Bush said.
© Copyright 2003, Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates. All rights reserved. The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laundromat, a leisure service of the Church of the Oven of Peace, provides imaginary solutions to your imaginary problems. All September 11 did was raise an idiot’s popularity. Shame on you.
Leading the blind since 1896.
"The president used the term Big Brother in its modern faith-based meaning," Fleischer explained, "in which good, strong, and morally upright God-fearing men help their at-risk little brethren to cope with an increasingly hostile world ruled by terror. The president has no knowledge of 1984, much less read it. Remember, the highest grade he has ever earned in the classroom was a C-."
Some in the press corps were not soothed by Fleischer's explanation, noting that many high school dropouts apparently have a greater grasp of history and reality than the First Idiot.
On Saturday, seeking to calm Americans who were panicked by the high orange alert that left at least 30 people dead and another 100 hospitalized from asphyxiation after having taped their houses shut with plastic sheeting and duct tape, the President said that his administration is "standing tall and walking the talk and talking the walk 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, like you'd expect your Big Brother to do. And that's what we're aiming to do, besides leading a coalition of the willing to dismember the evil ones, you know, is, well, we're trying to stand watch while we're hunting them down and dragging them out, is what, yes, we're trying to be like your Big Brother, to make you feel safe as a poor person in a safety net as we moved forward with this reelection campaign war against evil."
"Many of the dangerosities you face are unfamiliarized and upsettling," Bush said in his weekly radio address while trying to calm a public increasingly incensed by his stupidity.
"Yet I assure you," he said, "that our government has only itself to blame for having your best interest at heart, at every level from the managers to the assistant managers to the directors and on up, because we're responsifying to this threat, working to track down every evil one and standing watch 24 hours a day like your big brother against terrorism and thought crime."
Bush said Americans should relax and let go and let his professionals do the worrying about keeping their communities safe from attack like they've been doing since he was elected by the rule of law. "Americans should go about their lives of being productive members of a faith-based society, ever vigilant, like the mighty eagle, and not holed up in their basements like lowly clams, but vigilanter and awarer and readier to join the willing coalition of coalitioners in the fight against uncertainitude and doubtfulness," Bush said.
He said that raising of the terrorism alert level on Feb. 7 from yellow to high-tone orange "was primarily a test of the emergency Fatherland Security network to see how many little brothers we may have to look out for in this incessantly dangerous world. It was only a test. Nothing to get worried about. We wanted to substantialicate if federal, state and local law enforceables would notice and know to take additionable precautions and increasify security measurements against potential terrorizing attacks. We didn't intention for average personhoods like you and your family to even hear about it, or else we wouldn’t have told you."
Bush said he was heartened by the lack of activity by most first responders, which he took to indicate that all plans are already in place to protect critical infrastructure such as gas stations, oil companies, brokerage houses, and conservative talk show programs. He noted that borders have been effectively closed so no terrorist can get in or out and Americans can feel safely removed from the real world, so they can collect better intelligence on emerging domestic threats, perhaps even among their neighbors and estranged family members, and to detect a biological attack through an early warning network of sensors that detect increased atmospheric flatulence, Bush said.
© Copyright 2003, Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates. All rights reserved. The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laundromat, a leisure service of the Church of the Oven of Peace, provides imaginary solutions to your imaginary problems. All September 11 did was raise an idiot’s popularity. Shame on you.
Leading the blind since 1896.
Posted: Sat - February 15, 2003 at 04:39 PM
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