FBI PLANS TO REMOVE MCVEIGH'S TONGUE
Unforgiven: McVeigh Claims
Kinship With Yahweh
Yossarian Universal News Service
May 31 2001 9:32PM
by Leslie Stephen Mohr
Yossarian Universal News Service
May 31 2001 9:32PM
by Leslie Stephen Mohr
DENVER (YU) - Unusually reliable sources within
Timothy McVeigh's defense team today revealed that Martin Scorcese has decided
to produce a short film on the crucifixion of the former child-star and Gulf War
veteran. McVeigh currently appears in the Comedy Central hit South Park, where
he plays a disabled grade-schooler.
"When Marty read the latest draft of Tim's final words, he was just blown away," said an unnamed lawyer. Scorcese failed to return repeated messages left on someone else's answering machine.
In related developments, an attempt by FBI and ATF agents to remove McVeigh's tongue was thwarted when an ACLU informant revealed the plot to Oklahoma City waste management officials.
While no motive has been established for the thwarted tongue extraction, some theorize that McVeigh's demand to be "nailed to a fucking cross and run through the side, just like Jesus hisself" has angered many Americans, a brutish people with limited intellectual capacity.
It also does not help that McVeigh has been practicing his final words for several months now. "Forgive them, Father," Timmy is planning to grin from his cross, "for they know not what they do." Despite increasing evidence that McVeigh was the patsy in a botched ATF bomb disposal demonstration, he is scheduled to be exterminated on June 11 for driving a Ryder truck to the 1995 blast that killed 168 people and injured hundreds more.
In early May, the FBI gave McVeigh's attorneys nearly 16 tons of documents that it said had inadvertently not been turned over to the defense because of an error by Rosemary Woods, a file clerk who had misplaced the key to her desk drawer. President Goober W. Bush then ordered Attorney General John Ashcroft to postpone McVeigh's execution from May 16 to June 11, so it could be celebrated with Flag Day.
In an incoherent statement made Wednesday, Ashcroft promised to wield a hammer himself, if need be, to carry out McVeigh's sentence, saying that the convicted killer's continued existence "would deny justice for the victims of this crime and for the American people.''
Ashcroft also ordered Flag Day to be moved from its customary June 14 observance.
Copyright © Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates. All rights reserved.
The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laundromat, a leisure service of the Church of the Oven of Peace, provides imaginary solutions to your imaginary problems.
Leading the blind since 1896.
"When Marty read the latest draft of Tim's final words, he was just blown away," said an unnamed lawyer. Scorcese failed to return repeated messages left on someone else's answering machine.
In related developments, an attempt by FBI and ATF agents to remove McVeigh's tongue was thwarted when an ACLU informant revealed the plot to Oklahoma City waste management officials.
While no motive has been established for the thwarted tongue extraction, some theorize that McVeigh's demand to be "nailed to a fucking cross and run through the side, just like Jesus hisself" has angered many Americans, a brutish people with limited intellectual capacity.
It also does not help that McVeigh has been practicing his final words for several months now. "Forgive them, Father," Timmy is planning to grin from his cross, "for they know not what they do." Despite increasing evidence that McVeigh was the patsy in a botched ATF bomb disposal demonstration, he is scheduled to be exterminated on June 11 for driving a Ryder truck to the 1995 blast that killed 168 people and injured hundreds more.
In early May, the FBI gave McVeigh's attorneys nearly 16 tons of documents that it said had inadvertently not been turned over to the defense because of an error by Rosemary Woods, a file clerk who had misplaced the key to her desk drawer. President Goober W. Bush then ordered Attorney General John Ashcroft to postpone McVeigh's execution from May 16 to June 11, so it could be celebrated with Flag Day.
In an incoherent statement made Wednesday, Ashcroft promised to wield a hammer himself, if need be, to carry out McVeigh's sentence, saying that the convicted killer's continued existence "would deny justice for the victims of this crime and for the American people.''
Ashcroft also ordered Flag Day to be moved from its customary June 14 observance.
Copyright © Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates. All rights reserved.
The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laundromat, a leisure service of the Church of the Oven of Peace, provides imaginary solutions to your imaginary problems.
Leading the blind since 1896.
Posted: Thu - May 31, 2001 at 04:22 PM
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