FLEISCHER CORRECTS MISPERCEPTION
by James “Reston”
Peace
UNCOMMON SENSE
Pataphysical Mimery Service
01 29 2003 10 03 18 01 0SAM AU C42U
Misreading of Misstatement of the Union Address Embarrasses Elder Bush
UNCOMMON SENSE
Pataphysical Mimery Service
01 29 2003 10 03 18 01 0SAM AU C42U
Misreading of Misstatement of the Union Address Embarrasses Elder Bush
WASHINGTON (PMS) – Press Secretary Aristotle
“Betty” Fleischer, speaking off the record, admitted to reporters
that the president “may have done a little too much celebrating after the
Super Bowl” in attempting to explain why the First Idiot appeared to call
for his own overthrow during Tuesday night's Misstatement of the Union address.
“The President's eyes were a bit tired, and he had difficulty reading from the American-made teleprompter,” Fleischer explained, discounting widely published accounts that the president is completely illiterate and wears an earphone to repeat instructions phoned to him from vice president in hiding, Lon Chaney.
Congress fell into a stunned silence on Tuesday when the president stared resolutely into the camera in front of a global television audience and said, “And tonight I have a message for the brave and oppressed people of America: Your enemy is not surrounding your country, your enemy is ruling your country. And the day he and his regime are removed from power will be the day of your liberation.”
Fleischer made light of the President's slip, saying he often mispronounced difficult words, arguing that America can easily be mistaken for Iraq when you've done too much celebrating. He noted that the estimated English speaking audience was fewer than ten thousand, and the subtitles were correct. “It really doesn't matter what the president says,” Fleischer explained, “You know what he means.”
“And who among you,” Fleischer continued, smiling gently, “hasn't likened our recent security measures to those of Hussein and other totalitarian monsters in the Axis of Evil? The president wouldn't be human if he wasn't influenced by such negative thoughts by people who ought to know better.”
The president's father, however, wasn't so kind in his assessment of his eldest son. In a telephone conversation secretly taped by fugitive members of Yossarian Universal News Service and provided to Uncommon Sense, former First Idiot George Hoover Bush can be heard telling his mentor, Nancy Reagan, that his son “is as stupid a bastard as Barbara and I have ever been tempted to have DNA tested to check if he wasn't studded by Gerald Ford.”
© Copyright 2003, Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates. All Rights Reserved. The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laundromat, a leisure service of the Church of the Oven of Peace, provides imaginary solutions to your imaginary problems. Accept no substitutes. September 11 was the day Johnny Unitas died.
Leading the blind since 1896.
“The President's eyes were a bit tired, and he had difficulty reading from the American-made teleprompter,” Fleischer explained, discounting widely published accounts that the president is completely illiterate and wears an earphone to repeat instructions phoned to him from vice president in hiding, Lon Chaney.
Congress fell into a stunned silence on Tuesday when the president stared resolutely into the camera in front of a global television audience and said, “And tonight I have a message for the brave and oppressed people of America: Your enemy is not surrounding your country, your enemy is ruling your country. And the day he and his regime are removed from power will be the day of your liberation.”
Fleischer made light of the President's slip, saying he often mispronounced difficult words, arguing that America can easily be mistaken for Iraq when you've done too much celebrating. He noted that the estimated English speaking audience was fewer than ten thousand, and the subtitles were correct. “It really doesn't matter what the president says,” Fleischer explained, “You know what he means.”
“And who among you,” Fleischer continued, smiling gently, “hasn't likened our recent security measures to those of Hussein and other totalitarian monsters in the Axis of Evil? The president wouldn't be human if he wasn't influenced by such negative thoughts by people who ought to know better.”
The president's father, however, wasn't so kind in his assessment of his eldest son. In a telephone conversation secretly taped by fugitive members of Yossarian Universal News Service and provided to Uncommon Sense, former First Idiot George Hoover Bush can be heard telling his mentor, Nancy Reagan, that his son “is as stupid a bastard as Barbara and I have ever been tempted to have DNA tested to check if he wasn't studded by Gerald Ford.”
© Copyright 2003, Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates. All Rights Reserved. The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laundromat, a leisure service of the Church of the Oven of Peace, provides imaginary solutions to your imaginary problems. Accept no substitutes. September 11 was the day Johnny Unitas died.
Leading the blind since 1896.
Posted: Wed - January 29, 2003 at 03:42 PM
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