LIKE FATHER LIKE SON
by Jeffrey Dahmer
The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic
June 9, 2001 08:41PM
The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic
June 9, 2001 08:41PM
SAN JOSE (YU) – Jersey Baca, the man
convicted last week of tossing a cute fluffy crème fraise under the wheels
of a Ford Explorer, was himself orphaned when his father tried to pull a similar
stunt during the Vietnam War. An angry mob of outraged dog lovers stoned El Fago
Baca in 1971 on the shores of Lake Pontchartrain when the elder Baca arrived for
the planned napalming of a German Shepherd puppy to protest American use of
incendiaries in Southeast Asia which had resulted in the deaths of 362,438
children, many of them civilian non-combatants.
A jury in El Segundo took 15 seconds to convict Jersey, 30, for crimes against humanity in the death of Richard Nixon, who was named in honor of the former president who normalized U.S. relations with China. The case struck a nerve with dog lovers, who had donated more than 12 million dollars to find Nixon's killer, more than the gross national product of many developing nations.
According to Citizens for Responsible Behavior, the cost of covering the trial by the major news networks would have fed and housed all the homeless on the west coast for 152 days. When dog lovers heard about this statistic, they could only ask: “So what's your point?”
During the trial, the jury heard illegally taped telephone conversations between Baca and his fiancée's agent. During one conversation Baca and his mother had discussed selling their story to the Daily Show for $300,000 and going on the Weakest Link to have a “dog-stomping contest.”
Baca's attorneys failed to have the recordings suppressed, although the state admitted the tapes may have been total fabrications, even though they were illegally obtained.
Judge Judy Henske admitted the tapes as evidence, citing the Norm Frink rule of jurisprudence. Frink, a deputy district attorney in Melanoma County, Oregon, who gained fame for his successful prosecution of Tonya Harding and Jeff Gilooley in the kidnapping and execution of Patty Hearst, developed the theory that all Americans are presumed innocent until they are suspected of a crime.
© Copyright 2001, Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates. All Rights Reserved. The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laundromat, a leisure service of the Church of the Oven of Peace, provides imaginary solutions to your imaginary problems.
Leading the blind since 1896.
A jury in El Segundo took 15 seconds to convict Jersey, 30, for crimes against humanity in the death of Richard Nixon, who was named in honor of the former president who normalized U.S. relations with China. The case struck a nerve with dog lovers, who had donated more than 12 million dollars to find Nixon's killer, more than the gross national product of many developing nations.
According to Citizens for Responsible Behavior, the cost of covering the trial by the major news networks would have fed and housed all the homeless on the west coast for 152 days. When dog lovers heard about this statistic, they could only ask: “So what's your point?”
During the trial, the jury heard illegally taped telephone conversations between Baca and his fiancée's agent. During one conversation Baca and his mother had discussed selling their story to the Daily Show for $300,000 and going on the Weakest Link to have a “dog-stomping contest.”
Baca's attorneys failed to have the recordings suppressed, although the state admitted the tapes may have been total fabrications, even though they were illegally obtained.
Judge Judy Henske admitted the tapes as evidence, citing the Norm Frink rule of jurisprudence. Frink, a deputy district attorney in Melanoma County, Oregon, who gained fame for his successful prosecution of Tonya Harding and Jeff Gilooley in the kidnapping and execution of Patty Hearst, developed the theory that all Americans are presumed innocent until they are suspected of a crime.
© Copyright 2001, Faustroll, Ligi, and Associates. All Rights Reserved. The Portland Pataphysical Outpatient Clinic, Lounge and Laundromat, a leisure service of the Church of the Oven of Peace, provides imaginary solutions to your imaginary problems.
Leading the blind since 1896.
Posted: Sat - June 9, 2001 at 08:40 PM
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