THE ONE MINUTE PRESIDENT EXPOUNDS
As the young man entered the
President's office, he was once again greeted enthusiastically by the
One Minute
President, who urged him to be
seated in the sofa-chair while he positioned himself behind the
podium.
"So tell me," the President coaxed, "what did you learn about my system of government?"
"More than I bargained for," admitted the young man. "I found out that there are three pretenses towards becoming a One Minute President: Wishes, Gladhands and Retaliations."
"And how does all this strike you?"
"Well," the young man admitted, "I can honestly say your system of government is definitely the most effective operation I've ever experienced. But," and the young man scratched his head, "I still don't under-stand why it works."
"That's perfectly understandable," he said, "considering that you don't work for me."
"But the people who do work for you don't seem to understand why it works," the young man countered.
The President smiled. "All you have to understand is that you don't have to understand why it works to understand why it works."
The young man was quick to make note of this in his book.
"With that in mind," continued the President. "I stand here eagerly reluctant to withhold any and all information to help you grasp a working knowledge of what it is I'm supposed to tell you. Where would you like to start?"
"Well, to begin with, when you talk about One Minute Presidenting, are you really saying that it only takes a minute to do all the things you need to do as a One Minute President?"
"To be perfectly honest, no," he confessed. "Most of the time it only takes about 60 seconds. But if I went around calling myself a 60-Second President, I might get sued by a television network for trade-mark infringement, and I don't think too many people would believe me if I got sued. So I chose a more symbolic term, which enabled me to round out the title, as well as the time sequence."
"You mean it actually takes less than a minute to accomplish everything you hope to accomplish?"
"Not really," said the President. "But that's unimportant. You see, getting your own way and getting people to do what you want can be easily incorporated into a very tight and manipulative quick-fix procedure. It really doesn't take as long as you might think.
"Let me show you one of my favorite platitudes," he offered, fingering the familiar remote-control device that he removed from his pocket. "It's a saying well worth repeating several times a day. Watch the screen."
"So tell me," the President coaxed, "what did you learn about my system of government?"
"More than I bargained for," admitted the young man. "I found out that there are three pretenses towards becoming a One Minute President: Wishes, Gladhands and Retaliations."
"And how does all this strike you?"
"Well," the young man admitted, "I can honestly say your system of government is definitely the most effective operation I've ever experienced. But," and the young man scratched his head, "I still don't under-stand why it works."
"That's perfectly understandable," he said, "considering that you don't work for me."
"But the people who do work for you don't seem to understand why it works," the young man countered.
The President smiled. "All you have to understand is that you don't have to understand why it works to understand why it works."
The young man was quick to make note of this in his book.
"With that in mind," continued the President. "I stand here eagerly reluctant to withhold any and all information to help you grasp a working knowledge of what it is I'm supposed to tell you. Where would you like to start?"
"Well, to begin with, when you talk about One Minute Presidenting, are you really saying that it only takes a minute to do all the things you need to do as a One Minute President?"
"To be perfectly honest, no," he confessed. "Most of the time it only takes about 60 seconds. But if I went around calling myself a 60-Second President, I might get sued by a television network for trade-mark infringement, and I don't think too many people would believe me if I got sued. So I chose a more symbolic term, which enabled me to round out the title, as well as the time sequence."
"You mean it actually takes less than a minute to accomplish everything you hope to accomplish?"
"Not really," said the President. "But that's unimportant. You see, getting your own way and getting people to do what you want can be easily incorporated into a very tight and manipulative quick-fix procedure. It really doesn't take as long as you might think.
"Let me show you one of my favorite platitudes," he offered, fingering the familiar remote-control device that he removed from his pocket. "It's a saying well worth repeating several times a day. Watch the screen."
"Now," began the President. "Let me put
this in perspective. What I've been able to do in this administration is take
the essentials of any program and foster the infrastructure of democratic
idealism to a point beyond any real and meaningful relationship between a
government and its people. In a single, bold stroke my system has achieved a
realignment that has produced countless ways to ensure the risk of economic
collapse, social unrest and nuclear catastrophe—both by accident and
design."
"But that sounds frightening."
"Doesn't it, though?" mused the President. "And yet, when you really look at how things are, rather than how things might be, you begin to wish that the dawning of an innovative new age is not only possible but probable. All because of our ability to muster the strength to continue the course that charts itself on a crusade for national upheaval.
"Just think," beamed the President. "We are the greatest and most powerful nation ever. And it takes a very special and most peculiar brand of common sense to realize the unobtainable, ignore the obvious and perceive whatever future remains—ever-mindful that the world will go on sliding toward disaster no matter what we do."
"That's really interesting," the young man confessed. "But I still don't understand what you're talking about."
"Good, good," reassured the President. "Ignorance and stupidity are admirable traits in our youth of today. Especially among those who are willing to delude themselves into accepting the proven misjudgments of others."
"That's very kind," the young man said, "but perhaps I could get to the bottom of all this if I could put some of my why questions to you."
"Certainly," smiled the President. "After who questions and where questions, why questions are my favorite."
"Great. Then let me start with One Minute Wishes. Why do they work so well?"
"But that sounds frightening."
"Doesn't it, though?" mused the President. "And yet, when you really look at how things are, rather than how things might be, you begin to wish that the dawning of an innovative new age is not only possible but probable. All because of our ability to muster the strength to continue the course that charts itself on a crusade for national upheaval.
"Just think," beamed the President. "We are the greatest and most powerful nation ever. And it takes a very special and most peculiar brand of common sense to realize the unobtainable, ignore the obvious and perceive whatever future remains—ever-mindful that the world will go on sliding toward disaster no matter what we do."
"That's really interesting," the young man confessed. "But I still don't understand what you're talking about."
"Good, good," reassured the President. "Ignorance and stupidity are admirable traits in our youth of today. Especially among those who are willing to delude themselves into accepting the proven misjudgments of others."
"That's very kind," the young man said, "but perhaps I could get to the bottom of all this if I could put some of my why questions to you."
"Certainly," smiled the President. "After who questions and where questions, why questions are my favorite."
"Great. Then let me start with One Minute Wishes. Why do they work so well?"
Posted: Wed - March 18, 1987 at 09:01 PM
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