angels 


The whole superior thing was making me think of that old short story that I never quite finished -hardly ever got started, really, even though I kept coming back to several times, about the Angels.... They had come as advisors or counsellors, as benefactors and slowly, in a period of a few years, had taken over the running of our societies, even though they never assumed titles, there wasn't an Angel president, or king, or dictator, but we all knew who was really in charge. Or rather, we all knew it was them but we didn't quite know which particular angel was the one in charge of our part of the world, or to whom or what they were answerable to.

...Their presence made you feel weak in the knee, they were so beautiful, they radiated a sort of light, a feeling of longing for something we'd lost and would never recover and they somehow still had.... and you also felt sinful, inferior, guilty and clumsy in the presence of perfection, which, when it became clear that the Angels were cruel, sadistic overlords and not envoys from a merciful god, made it all the more difficult to organise any kind of resistance to what had become their occupation.

...At all this the Angel was still standing there, radiating that luminosity, that beautiful thing that made you feel something like love, something like unworthiness, something like amazement. 

I get out of my classroom onto the rained-upon yard, pretty teacher getting out of her car walks past. I say good morning, she makes a gesture of displeasure and walks past without seeing me. And I wonder what it is that makes us react like that towards another human being.'Us', did I say? I don't think I react like that, although we are inevitably blind to our own foibles and weaknesses.

The whole superior thing was making me think of that old short story that I never quite finished -hardly ever got started, really, even though I kept coming back to several times, about the Angels. They were beautiful and ruthless, they had conquered our world, no-one was quite sure where they had come from. There were several orderrs of them, winged and unwinged. The more angelical they looked the more cruel and tyrannical they were. They had come as advisors or counsellors, as benefactors and slowly, in a period of a few years, had taken over the running of our societies, even though they never assumed titles, there wasn't an Angel president, or king, or dictator, but we all knew who was really in charge. Or rather, we all knew it was them but we didn't quite know which particular angel was the one in charge of our part of the world, or to whom or what they were answerable to. It was clear that there was a hierarchy, though, a chain of command.

I was driving back home one evening (they hadn't banned cars yet) when I saw my first Angel in the flesh, if 'in the flesh' is the right way to describe this. Their presence made you feel weak in the knee, they were so beautiful, they radiated a sort of light, a feeling of longing for something we'd lost and would never recover and they somehow still had. Well, that's what you felt anyway.... and you also felt sinful, inferior, guilty and clumsy in the presence of perfection, which, when it became clear that the Angels were cruel, sadistic overlords and not envoys from a merciful god, made it all the more difficult to organise any kind of resistance to what had become their occupation.

Yes, it was there. 'It' because we weren't quite sure whether they were female (as they seemed) or male, or whether this distinction couldn't apply to them, which was what I thought. Standing on a corner outside the Ministery of Foreign Affairs. Radiating awe and wonder. The henchmen that guarded him, in black uniforms, with sub-machine guns and truncheons, were quite invisible next to that apparition from the Heavens. Someone strayed into their path, was taken apart by the gorillas in black, made to spread against the wall, searched. One of the men in black suddenly swung his truncheon across the poor sod's chest. He keeled over and was promptly taken away and put in a black van. At all this the Angel was still standing there, radiating that luminosity, that beautiful thing that made you feel something like love, something like unworthiness, something like amazement.

Arrived to my flat, sat in front of the telly with a beer to watch the news. The Prime Minister was talking about our cooperation agreements with such and such a country previously hostile, the new advancements in science, the eradication of a major disease, al achieved with the help of the Angels. I looked out the window. It isn't exactly 1984 out there, we vote our government, people don't shave with month-old blades. There's still some prosperity apparent, people dress well, in general. But we know it is all declining quickly. I've stopped watching the financial news, the collapse is not imminent, it is here. And yet things are strangely normal, unless we get assigned to the relocation groups. There's all sort of stories about the relocation groups. About a quarter of the population of London has already been relocated... to places at the other end of the world, in many cases. We hear little of them, or about them. I expect I'll get the envelope soon, sending me to some place in South America.

The phone still ringing when I picked it up, trying to catch my breath.
"Want to meet for a coffee or something?
"Maybe. We have something to talk? I'm busy at the moment."
"Maybe. Come join me, it would be good to see you. Please"
"Ok. Where? When? Give me an hour or so to finish my stuff, yeah?"
"'Cors. Meet me at the 'Blue Legume' in Stokey?"
"Nice cakes..."
"Yep. Nice cakes... see you there in an hour?"
"Hour and a half, it is not so easy to get to Stoke Newington"
"Ok..."

It is very easy to be paranoid about things. We always assume all phone conversations are monitored. It is probably not true, it sounds unfeasible but it is not entirely impossible for the Angels to follow every single phone call. But her voice sounded... I don't know, there was a very false and hollow jolly tone in her voice. It might be important. We'll see....

[ i still need to think how they came to appear, how they took power sort of by stealth and kept it by proxy, why and how they were so 'ruthless' and 'cruel', also if they generated such awe and wonder how it was possible to rebel at all ]
 

Posted: Wed - March 24, 2004 at 08:40 AM          

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