| Guest Blog: Glenn Hudson | | Date Created: Jun 21, 2005, 08:00 PM |
Welcome to the first of our guest blogs. Like the rest of the site, expect variety. Some will be very serious, some not at all. The guests will be diverse. They may not reflect our views or opinions, but we support their right to have their say.
Our first selection is Glenn Hudson. He sees the world in black and white. There is no grey: only commies and non-commies. (Apparently, no one has told him the cold war is over.) He has an obscene knack of always going one step too far, saying what no one else dares to say. I live in fear of what he'll say next. Sometimes I think he's only joking. Sometimes.
I'm sure he looks forward to reading all of your comments. Not. |
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A Bunch of Bullshit
by Glenn Hudson, Guest Blogger
The following is my running off at the mouth about our current human existence as I see it. Feel free to disagree. But you’re wrong and you’ll probably rot in hell you commie scum.
1. Which brings me to my first point – communists and white Anglo-Saxon males are now the only people in the world that you can make fun without fear of repercussion. That’s cool. Let’s all just admit it.
2. Barbecue is a noun, not a verb. Barbecue refers to meat that has been smoked for an extended period of time. Nothing you’ve ever done on your grill in your backyard can be considered barbecue. Now, don’t get me started on that pulled-pork crap some of you people eat. Real barbecue is beef brisket. ‘Nuff said.
3. Formula One is a joke.
4. Men are pigs. I ought to know. I am one. Men will only be friends with women they want to screw. If we have no chance of getting them into bed, then we usually lose interest. If we aren’t attracted to you, then chances are we aren’t interested in friendship either.
5. Your wife is hot. There, I said it.
6. So is your daughter.
7. That said, women are a pain in the ass. If my wife ever dumps me (and that is a growing possibility every day) then I’m going for a platonic (i.e., sex-free) homosexual marriage with a guy that likes all the same shit I do and who doesn’t make a mess all over the house. We’ll have an open relationship where we can have sex with women when and if we feel it necessary to put up with their crap.
8. Masturbation is proof that God loves men and wants them to be happy. I know some people think that about beer. But masturbation doesn’t give you a hangover.
9. Any music made in Nashville is total shit. I don’t know what else to call it. The only good country music is made in Austin, Texas.
10. Eminem might just be the funniest “musician” out there today.
11. Dave Chappelle is definitely the funniest human being, period.
12. George Bush is a liar. That is because he is a politician. That’s what they do. I don’t care what side of the aisle you’re from.
13. America is the best country in the world, despite our social and political shortcomings, which are many.
14. Unfortunately, everybody is prejudiced to some extent. We’re all guilty of being racists. But, true hatred, judging people strictly on the color of their skin, their religious beliefs, culture, background, sexual orientation, or whatever, is just plain wrong – except for commies (see No. 1).
15. We’ve got too many people complaining and not enough people willing to do something to fix the problem. Pick your problem…any problem.
16. David Ryan Adams, formerly of Whiskeytown (an incredible band), sucks. So does Bryan Adams.
17. Have you ever noticed most of the countries in the world today that are having major problems, or are causing major problems, have serious human rights issues when it comes to women? Women may be a pain in the ass. But putting them in positions of power and influence throughout every facet of a society is the fastest way to peace and prosperity. Let’s face it. They really are better than men. They certainly look better.
18. All Bill Clinton had to say was, “yeah, I screwed her,” and I would have been just fine with it (see No. 12).
19. I’ve been to more countries than many people will visit in a lifetime. And I can tell you that we are all the same, regardless of our background. I’m amazed at how this belief is reinforced every time I travel.
20. The Drive-By Truckers are the greatest rock and roll band playing music today.
21. The word “skeet” comes from the washer fluid that is sprayed on your car’s windshield to get rid of the dead bugs (mosquitoes). Thus, “skeeter” fluid. Of course, skeet has now taken on a whole new meaning.
22. Teachers should be paid on the same level as doctors, if not more.
23. People should have to pay for the consequences of their actions. When you remove negative reinforcement from a society, the society feels good in the short term. But in the long term, you’re only creating more problems.
24. Come on, pot should be legal. Give me a break.
25. Republicans suck.
26. So do Democrats.
27. Blood is thicker than semen.
28. Real boobs are better than fake.
29. That “fat potential factor,” or FPF, really works. Just look at her mom.
30. Get over yourself. You’re not all that special.
Sorry this was so long. It could go on forever. But I started running out of cyberspace.
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 Guest Bio:
Glenn Hudson is a self-described public relations flak of the very lowest sort. He currently works on projects ranging from porn music radio to professional sports. He's opinionated, as if you couldn't tell. |
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All contents of this blog are the sole responsibility and views of the author.
They do not in any way represent the views, beliefs or corporate values of any clients of fingerprint inc.
This includes but is not limited to Anheuser-Busch or any other corporate or personal entities mentioned within.
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