Top Stories in racin'

Unleashing an IdeaVirus: Death of the "Pit Lizard"
Date Created: Feb 25, 2005, 12:24 PM

IS THIS WHAT WE MUST RESORT TO FOR SECURITY?: (names used by request, not just by permission) (Left to right) Lory, Jenn, Nicole and Sabrina. NASCAR credentials stipulate no open-toed shoes, no shorts, and shirts must have sleeves. I do not recall a single word on the release forms referring to the midriff section or pneumatic boobs.

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Seth Godin is one of the most influential minds in marketing, and I've long enjoyed his books and his columns online and in the top-notch biz magazine FAST COMPANY. One of his more compelling ideas is the concept of the Ideavirus. In simple terms, it involves developing new theories, ideas or terms that spread rapidly via the world of the internet and word of mouth.

So - in honor of Seth and because this weekend's race event is near the glittering ooooze pit of celebrity known as Hollywood - I've decided to make public our very own term for what were known as "Pit Lizards." The Lizard reference has been around quite awhile, and for those new to the sport or unfamiliar with the term, it's used in a mostly derogatory manner to describe the ladies (young and old) who hang out in/around/near the garage area in an attempt to um... meet the drivers. It's racing's version of a groupie.

In other sports, they are known by colorful names like "jock sniffers." That phrase can describe a man or a woman. It's not always a sexual connotation - there are as many/more guys than women who exhibit a fawning, swooning, non-sexual need to be with or near athletes or celebrities. OK, maybe it is sexual, but it's the lure of being near celebrity and the surrounding hoopla. (My fave quote relating to the gaudy old-school t-shirts with more ink on them than cotton in them, courtesy the ultimate mentor to the stars/Big Boy Himself/The Salty One/The Man, The Legend, Bill Kentling: "Is it kinda gay to wear a t-shirt with another guy's face on it?" heh heh I learned the phrase 'jock sniffer' from Bill.)

I believe it was Dale Jr. who first expressed his displeasure in 2001 with the inadequacy and worn-out nature of the phrase "pit lizard." In an attempt to create our own new and more vibrant term, we consulted in-depth with Robby Gordon's sister Beccy. With much brain work and teeth-gnashing, we came up with... (DRUM ROLL PLEASE...) HELMET LICKER.

We think it's funny, smart and completely appropriate on many, many levels. SO - now we must watch the web, the newspapers, radio and TV broadcasts for the new use of HELMET LICKER. It is an ideavirus that CANNOT be stopped!

An odd aside: In light of the creation of the helmet licker phrase, Mz. Gordon also managed to define a new role for myself (or Mike Davis or any other of our crew whose main job at the track is more bodyguard than anything else). That role is to be the LICKER BLOCKER. So, please show some love and respect for the licker blocker near you.

Spread the word! It's up to YOU. Down with Lizards! Up with Lickers!

(Yes, that IS Carrot-freakin-Top... but it looks like he's the one doin the lickin' here. hmmmmmm...The entire theory turned on its head.)

NOTE TO NEW READERS: We like to have fun here. We are not LITERALLY calling for the death of pit lizards, merely the PHRASE. In fact, we have nothing against pit lizards (mostly for medicinal reasons). Remember kids: no glove, no love. Helmet Lickers: use it, love it, spread it, own it.

See Webster's for: irony, sarcasm, parody, ennui

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Spur of the Moment IdeaVirus: Just tried to find some simple information at NASCAR.com. Took me three times longer than it should have. Ya think we could ask them to add MORE to their front page? Maybe make it harder to find anything at all? I wish I would have written down the date several years back when I told one of their execs "sure would be productive to put a 'search' feature on the site" because it was so difficult to navigate. I understand the ad sales and having the logos and videos zooming and swooshing across my lil' screen, but HELP US FIND WHAT WE WANNA KNOW. Even this easy-to-use-darn-near-free blog software we use allows a site search via Google. (See the link on the right. If you ever need to search anything on this site: type your info and click SEARCH. Simple as that.)

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The Best Racers
Date Created: Jan 27, 2005, 02:28 PM


The original idea of the "International Race of Champions" (IROC) was just that: an international field of the finest from each series racing on ovals and road courses in equally-prepared Porsches. Now, sigh, it has become an all-NASCAR show with oval-only races with cars that are high-speed go-karts. But, that doesn't mean you couldn't dream of the list of the best racers of all time. Here's my list of a real all-time IROC field.

This list is not in a specific order (although I do rate Mario Andretti number one) and is based upon purely subjective criteria. All biases are mine. Any drivers wishing to be added to the list are encouraged to send cash or check to my office address.

Obviously, pure numbers and records speak loudly about certain drivers (see R. Petty and S. Kinser), but I placed a premium value on versatility. It's becoming increasingly difficult in these days of non-stop race schedules and multi-million dollar sponsorships for drivers to compete in a variety of cars. Some still manage to do so despite the hurdles (see T. Stewart, K. Schrader and R. Gordon). My list skews toward wheel-turners that are/were able to get in anything with four wheels and make it go as fast as possible. I believe the best drivers succeed no matter what the type or formula of machine. (Many drivers whose career focused upon only one discipline fire certain fantasy scenarios: who wouldn't pay to see Dale Earnhardt sliding sideways in a sprint car or Michael Schumacher in almost anything motorized?)

Some drivers seemed destined for the list only to be hampered by injury or death. It's a sad reality of the sport (See Bill Vukovich, Gilles Villeneuve, Tim Richmond, Greg Moore, Peter Revson, Alan Kulwicki or Ronnie Peterson. Even Rob Moroso and Adam Petty.). Some were hampered by career moves that put them into uncompetitive teams. Alex Zanardi is the best example I can think of: he was a bust in Formula One, yet his years in Chip Ganassi's CART cars produced some of the most spectacular driving my eyes have witnessed.

Robby Gordon came from desert racing into Jack Roush's Trans-Am effort as a teenager and was an obvious natural. His skill was evident in Indy cars as well, not to mention recent eye-opening forays into the Dakar Rally (and of course, stock cars), but his list of career wins makes it impossible to put him on the list. I like Robby immensely, but he doesn't make the cut.

Brilliant "drivers" are different than brilliant "racers." So, this is a list of the best racers - not just guys who were fast for one or two or ten laps, but guys who knew how to get it done and win when it counted.

Mario Andretti - Mario is clearly number one in my eyes. F1 World Champion, CART champion, Indy 500 and Daytona 500 victories, sports cars, sprint cars... He won everywhere he went, and was competitive until the day he retired. I'd still put him in one of my race cars today. (And he makes a mean bottle o' wine at his vineyard. Maybe someone could stage an Andretti vs. Richard Childress Wine Tasting Competition. A "Wine-off.")

Jeff Gordon - His stock car record is impressive, but seeing him ride the cushion at the Belleville (Ks.) Midget Nationals when he was a peach-fuzzed mustache-wearing teenager stands out for me. (Tony Stewart, Jason Leffler and Kasey Kahne also won this prestigious event since Gordon's win in 1990. Sure wish I could find the shot of Jeff in his Pepsi midget after his win. The mustache was supposed to make him look older because he was under the legal age to race in some states.) He can win on any type of track where Cup cars roll, and his one-off F1 play day at Indy in '03 proved he could still steer an open-wheeled car.

Dan Gurney - I often say I want to be Dan Gurney when I grow up. A brilliant driver and the last American to win an F1 Grand Prix in a car of his own design. Smarter than your average bear. Won in a variety of machines and was the prototype of the Hollywood-handsome race car driver. (The photo here is Dan with the Holman-Moody #0 at Daytona and he also dominated Riverside with the Wood Brothers.) Won an endurance race at Daytona despite stopping short of the finish, then managed to cross the line by rolling down the banking and cranking the starter motor. He was also the first to spray champagne in Victory Lane. (Though I'm not sure I'm giving him a thumbs-up for that. Have you ever been doused in Budweiser and champagne after sweating through a long race?! It's NOT a pleasant odor...)

Steve Kinser - Hasn't he won something like 398 World of Outlaws titles in 399 years? Won in IROC, but didn't seem to get a fair shot at Cup. An ironman.

Juan Manuel-Fangio: Won a then-record five World Championships despite starting at an advanced age because of World War II and suffering a broken neck in a 1952 crash. (His mark stood until Michael Schumacher broke it recently.) Again, like most of my list, seemingly gifted behind the wheel of any kind of car. My personal connection: standing in the Mercedes-Benz Museum in Stuttgart, looking at the skinny tires, wide seat, and lack of roll bar or a seat belt on his 1954 title-winning car. Mauricio Gugelmin, then the world record-holder with his 240+ mph lap at Fontana, walked up and said "they were crazy! Look at that!"

Michael Schumacher - If Senna would have survived, the duel between these two would have been epic. Schumacher has had little consistent competition since Senna's death in '94. As near perfection as can be imagined. Another Mauricio Gugelmin mention: after watching Schumi's in-car camera for a full lap, Mo could only shake his head and say "wow."

Richard Petty: How can you argue with 200 wins?

AJ Foyt: I was going to say he's become a grumpy old man, but he could be pretty sour as a young buck too. But, this ain't no personality contest and he was the broad-shouldered Texan that carried the glory through the 60s and 70s. Like Mario - he won in almost everything. Indy. Daytona. Sprint cars. Sports cars. In 1967, he won Indy, then went to LeMans and teamed with Gurney to win the 24-Hours.

David Pearson: I'm sad I didn't see the smooth-as-silk Silver Fox race in person. He's called the greatest stock car driver ever by someone who should know: Darrell Waltrip. Waltrip insisted Pearson was incredibly superstitious about the color green. So much so, Pearson didn't want his team in the garage next to Waltrip's when they debuted the green and white #88 Gatorade car. I had the priviledge to interview Pearson while working on the DW book, and asked him about it. "I suppose I was susperstitious," he said, "cuz everybody said green was bad luck. But, I don't believe that anymore. I wore some green drawers on a cruise one time, and won a big jackpot at the slot machines...."

Dale Earnhardt: Seven titles gets him in, but the moment that secured it for me: seeing his car control after Eddie Cheever knocked him into the grass near the end of the 2001 IROC race at Daytona. All I could mutter was "he is the f%&*$ing MAN..."

Ayrton Senna: Revered among F1 fans worldwide, and still a national hero in Brazil on a level almost unimagineable. You think NASCAR fans revere Big E? You should visit Brazil. Hell, they all drive like him too. (Or at least they try.)

Barney Oldfield: Makes it on the list as one of the first-ever "barnstormers." Won races all over the United States in a wide variety of rickety machines in the early 1900s, when horse tracks at local fairgrounds suddenly became locales for auto races. Also set land speed records on the beaches of Daytona. If nothing else, he gets in for driving while chewing on an old cigar in the open-cockpit cars of the day.

Tony Stewart: I still marvel at his feat of winning three USAC titles in one year, then the IRL crown and NEXTEL Cup title, all within a span of seven years. I think this is the year he finally gets a win in the Busch Series...


Jim Clark: Another driver that would jump from car-to-car and series-to-series, often joining the likes of Gurney in flying across the Atlantic week-to-week. Clark was F1 champ and also won the Indy 500 before he was killed in a Formula 2 race at Hockenheim, Germany. His death was a major blow to Lotus and Colin Chapman, who later regained their mastery and teamed with Andretti for his world title.

Just like the album list from last week, there are hundreds of deserving drivers that could make this list (and I reserve the right to do one of those hand-to-the-forehead slaps and say "OH! I forgot him!") heh heh heh (Mark Donohue, Emerson Fittipaldi, Al Unser, Sleepy Tripp, Junior Johnson, Rick Mears, Wilbur Shaw, Cale Yarborough, Richie Evans, Larry Phillips, Jan Opperman, Eddie Leavitt, Dick Sutcliffe, Thad Dosher, Grady Wade?!?!)

Other good ones from the comment section: John Force (He's certainly the most entertaining racer. I once picked him up at the airport at some ungodly hour - 6 am I believe - and he was 100% already on the rev chip. He's 'on' all the time....), Stirling Moss, Doug Wolfgang, and of course Rufus "Parnelli" Jones.

ENJOY. ARGUE. MAKE YOUR CASE.

Here's a pic of Dan Gurney sitting quietly in the Daytona Continental endurance race in 1962. (See reference above.) Image courtesy of NASCAR's media site...

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Articles in racin' (Total Entries: 92)
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