Local Chef Stumbles, Falls


-- News Item!

A barrage of cooking projects has Frank Broz, a local amateur chef completely exhausted today. The meager products of his labors don't balance out the wake of culinary carnage he has left behind, but his sprits remain high. "Even if nobody will eat the rest of this BarBQ pork pizza, I could probably use it as the base for my carrot chip casserole!" Broz quipped, knocking over a pile of grease-stained dishes.

Broz started on Saturday morning with several pounds of pork shoulder. "The clerk at safeway wasn't familiar with the 'boston butt,'" Broz told reporters, "I had to explain to her that it was a shoulder cut, not a real butt at all." Perhaps the "real butt" of this recipe was Broz himself, as he soon began destroying his own kitchen.

"That lid was waiting to break," Broz claimed, "It was only cooking on the pork pot for 10 hours or so before the handle melted right though." Luckily, Broz fixed the lid by fashioning what would have been a 4 cent washer by drilling a hole in a quarter he found in his pocket. "I'd like to say that I spent 25 cents on a 4 cent piece of hardware, but I broke at least one drill bit and that had to be about a buck."

This setback wasn't enough to dissuade Broz from baking christmas cookies from scratch. Unsurprisingly, the batch that followed a recipe turned out well, and the 'experimental' batch was barely edible. Both batches were pawned off on a christmas party, where dim lighting caused celebrants to mistake the purple-frosted sugar cookies for guacamole surprise.

Posted: Mon - December 13, 2004 at 10:08 AM          

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