Tue - December 14, 2004
Kinksmas
I know I said the Kinks were lame, but they have
a cool christmas song! (click 'read more' to download)
Latest Webwork
I have been doing some webwork for my new neighbor Jacques Littlefield
Posted at 12:00 AM Read More
Mon - December 13, 2004
Local Chef Stumbles, Falls
A barrage of cooking projects has Frank Broz, a
local amateur chef completely exhausted today. The meager products of his
labors don't balance out the wake of culinary carnage he has left behind, but
his sprits remain high. "Even if nobody will eat the rest of this BarBQ pork
pizza, I could probably use it as the base for my carrot chip casserole!" Broz
quipped, knocking over a pile of grease-stained
dishes.
Broz started on Saturday morning with several pounds of pork shoulder. "The clerk at safeway wasn't familiar with the 'boston butt,'" Broz told reporters, "I had to explain to her that it was a shoulder cut, not a real butt at all." Perhaps the "real butt" of this recipe was Broz himself, as he soon began destroying his own kitchen.
"That lid was waiting to break," Broz claimed, "It was only cooking on the pork pot for 10 hours or so before the handle melted right though." Luckily, Broz fixed the lid by fashioning what would have been a 4 cent washer by drilling a hole in a quarter he found in his pocket. "I'd like to say that I spent 25 cents on a 4 cent piece of hardware, but I broke at least one drill bit and that had to be about a buck."
This setback wasn't enough to dissuade Broz from baking christmas cookies from scratch. Unsurprisingly, the batch that followed a recipe turned out well, and the 'experimental' batch was barely edible. Both batches were pawned off on a christmas party, where dim lighting caused celebrants to mistake the purple-frosted sugar cookies for guacamole surprise.
Broz started on Saturday morning with several pounds of pork shoulder. "The clerk at safeway wasn't familiar with the 'boston butt,'" Broz told reporters, "I had to explain to her that it was a shoulder cut, not a real butt at all." Perhaps the "real butt" of this recipe was Broz himself, as he soon began destroying his own kitchen.
"That lid was waiting to break," Broz claimed, "It was only cooking on the pork pot for 10 hours or so before the handle melted right though." Luckily, Broz fixed the lid by fashioning what would have been a 4 cent washer by drilling a hole in a quarter he found in his pocket. "I'd like to say that I spent 25 cents on a 4 cent piece of hardware, but I broke at least one drill bit and that had to be about a buck."
This setback wasn't enough to dissuade Broz from baking christmas cookies from scratch. Unsurprisingly, the batch that followed a recipe turned out well, and the 'experimental' batch was barely edible. Both batches were pawned off on a christmas party, where dim lighting caused celebrants to mistake the purple-frosted sugar cookies for guacamole surprise.
Posted at 10:08 AM Read More
Sun - August 22, 2004
Area Drunkard Drunk
Police investigated a night of WILD debauchery
this evening, and they decided that everyone was having a good time and nobody
should be arrested.
Posted at 10:08 AM Read More
Sat - August 21, 2004
Local Bar "Not Quite Right"
The few patrons that visit the local "Sea Star
Sports Bar" have verified that something is not quite right with the owner or
the establishment itself.
"It had TVs, that is normal for a sports bar, and there was a baseball game on one and sports center was on another one. Normal so far," said Frank Broz, a local, and first time patron at the Sea Star. "But instead of being in the corners of the room, all the TVs were lined up behind the bar, right next to each other." Broz made a strange face and looked away. "There wasn't anything wrong with it... it just wasn't right"
Broz's fellow bargoers Ben and and Lance corroborated the story, adding that the owner's attempts at conversation were typical in their subject, but they were inserted at exactly the wrong times. "It was like he waited until we were in the middle of our most animated discussions before shouting to us about politics or poker or something." Said Lance uncomfortably.
"I was planning on getting whatever they had on tap" said ben, "but it turned out that was nothing. Bottle beer is fine. It just isn't exactly... normal"
"It had TVs, that is normal for a sports bar, and there was a baseball game on one and sports center was on another one. Normal so far," said Frank Broz, a local, and first time patron at the Sea Star. "But instead of being in the corners of the room, all the TVs were lined up behind the bar, right next to each other." Broz made a strange face and looked away. "There wasn't anything wrong with it... it just wasn't right"
Broz's fellow bargoers Ben and and Lance corroborated the story, adding that the owner's attempts at conversation were typical in their subject, but they were inserted at exactly the wrong times. "It was like he waited until we were in the middle of our most animated discussions before shouting to us about politics or poker or something." Said Lance uncomfortably.
"I was planning on getting whatever they had on tap" said ben, "but it turned out that was nothing. Bottle beer is fine. It just isn't exactly... normal"
Posted at 10:08 AM Read More
Sun - June 27, 2004
Letters to Congress
I saw the movie Fahrenheit 9/11 this weekend, the
latest angry political comedy by Michael Moore. I am not going to rehash his
arguments, or point out his weaknesses. Instead, I will share a poem that I
found while writing letters to my representatives in the house and senate this
morning. These are the words that I needed help
spelling:
congress
senator
constituents
patriot
sovereign
preemption
respectfully
It couldn't hurt to see the movie. If it inspires you to tell the people representing your interests in congress what you actually want, then so much the better.
evil
indifference
good people
congress
senator
constituents
patriot
sovereign
preemption
respectfully
It couldn't hurt to see the movie. If it inspires you to tell the people representing your interests in congress what you actually want, then so much the better.
evil
indifference
good people
Posted at 10:08 AM Read More
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Published On: Dec 14, 2004 07:48 AM
Published On: Dec 14, 2004 07:48 AM