Alan's Diner (#0308) 11/7/01
The meals they deal are quite a steal
Down at Alan's diner
From grits and eggs to chicken legs
They really can't be finer
They serve it up and ship it out
Through waitress Rita Steiner
You always bust your gut
When you eat at Alan's diner
Public Pee (#0305) 11/7/01
In my dream a golden stream
Flows from flesh to pot
With men around I can't make a sound
I give it all I got
I can't pee or poop with others
Even though I give my all
I guess in public places
That's why its called a stall
Spider (#0095) 9/19/95
Oh, Spider, Dear Spider,
Please lend me some legs
For I am an amputee
With eight to your name,
But gangrene is to blame
For why mine are cut off at the knee
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Culinary (#0327) 12/5/01
A guy at work, a royal jerk
Invited me over for dinner
But you know me, the food was free
I'd entertain this "winner"
He lived alone and had no phone
A loner, probably inbred
His culinary delight soon was my fright
When the dish was our boss's head
Bidet (#0307) 11/7/01
A bidet, they say
Is the cleanest way
Americans ask, what is it?
Oh bidet, your spray
It wipes away
The remnants of my visit
Public Pee (#0136) 2/13/96
Your hiney needs a-wipin'
The bathroom starts to smell
You've mopped the urine off the floor
Only after someone fell
Fungus on the toilet seats
And moldy bathroom sinks
Boogers smeared across the mirror
My God! Your bathroom stinks!
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Cooking Contest (#0326) 12/4/01
The breads were all placed in two rows
A cook was not wearing clothes
The judge tasted pickle
The cook said quite fickle,
“That’s because we were using dill doughs”
Inguinal Pain (#0207) 2/4/97
One day I had an idea
I'd jump the electric fence
I ran and ran, I practiced hard
Even without my pants
The day came for me yet to jump
The electric barbs and chains
I jumped and was impaled
And now inguinal pain remains
Rufus (#0306) 11/7/01
Rip roarin Rufus ran across the ragtag road
Down the street a dumptruck driver
Shoveled up his load
Rolling down the street
The dumptruck driver rumbled
A skull was crushed, a body flattened
After rufus stumbled
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