Law Enforcement Gains New Abilities

The president last week signed into law sweeping new regulations meant to benefit law enforcement in the search for terrorist activity. The legislation, proposed by Attorney General John Ashcroft, will allow federal agents access to new e-mail and phone tapping capabilities when investigating possible terrorist suspects.

Federal agents Wednesday sat around and chuckled while reading through the e-mail messages of one man suspected to be aiding the Al-Qaida network. A message forwarded from his aunt entitled, "The Poop List," drew plenty of laughs from the agents.

"This guy might be planning to play off the fears of America and ultimately plot the destruction of this country," one high ranking official said, "but some of these e-mails are pretty damn funny."

Agents reportedly intercepted the call of another suspect ordering pizza. One mischevious officer wrote down his name and address, called back the pizza place and added anchovies to his order.

Ashcroft said the new regulations are needed to help keep the country secure in this time of crisis. Opponents said no crisis deems the need for the erosion of American civil liberties. Officers agree with the new law.

"I don't know if this will help us any," one police officer said. "It's just pretty fun to snoop through other people's sh-t."