Bush Issues Challenge

WASHINGTON -- President George W. Bush this week raised the stakes in America's war against terrorism. At his Wednesday press conference, Bush told reporters that he will challenge Osama bin Laden to a one-on-one fight assuming the Saudi dissident is taken alive.

"Osama thinks the cruise missiles are bad," Bush said. "Wait until he gets a taste of a good ol' fashioned Texas ass whipping."

Shortly after the announcement, several top entertainment promoters including Don King Entertainment and the WWF called the White House to negotiate a contract. Bush advisers said it's hoped bin Laden will be captured by the end of the year, which would allow a fight date by late summer 2002. It's expected to be a worldwide pay-per-view spectacular.

Taliban leaders said they would agree to the fight if it's held in a Muslim country with Muslim referees. Surprisingly, White House staff agreed. The event is tentatively being scheduled to take place in Kabul with the nickname, "Rumble in the Rubble." While no venues are available, U.S. military staff said it's entirely possible to blow out a big bomb crater that can be equipped with bleachers.

"This is the one thing I'm willing to negotiate, Osama," Bush said. "I'll kick your scrawny ass anytime, anywhere - bring it on, bitch."