EDITORS' CORNER

A visit to the men's room this week led to me to believe a discussion in urinal etiquette is long overdue. Upon entry into the restroom, the man standing against the porcelain let out a breathy exclamation. "Oh lord" was repeated several times during his 20-second venture into pee paradise. This was a bit embarrassing for me. No man wants to witness another man enjoying himself while his private parts are in hand. This simple rule lays out most of the guidelines for men's room manners.

Distance -- Distance from the urinal is an important consideration, especially in situations where several urinals are in a line. While your stream may blast five feet to the porcelain base and tinkle off the mint, realize that others nearby do not want to see your stream and do not want to worry about being hit by the mist or any stray spray. Again, the clear view of the man junk is another unfortunate happening for those who simply want to relieve themselves and get back to life as normal.

Discussion -- Bathroom conversation is perfectly fine, but only until the urination begins. Once the zipper falls, close your mouth and stare forward with your sight line perfectly perpendicular with the tiled wall. Conversation shows your interest in the thoughts of another person. Conversation during urination sends the subconcious message that your interested in how they pee. This point of etiquette is even more important when considering stall-to-stall conversation.

Avoid Curiosity -- Remember, curiosity killed the cat and it will kill your reputation even faster. Keeping a straight stare at the wall is the best method to avoid any problems in the men's room. There are the minority of men I characterize as peekers. Those who take noticeable glance down to check whether your stuff competes with theirs. This is the ultimate bathroom sin. Some businesses made the peeking practice more difficult with dividers placed between each urinal. Some do not have the innovation. In either case, don't take chances. Peeing with your eyes closed is much better than being characterized among the peeking population.

These are only a few rules guiding proper restroom behavior. The best advice to avoid any restroom troubles is to go during times when you can have the restroom to yourself. If that is not possible, keep quiet, keep close to the pot and give absolutely no acknowledgement of the other men around you. It will make nature's call a more pleasant call for times to come.

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK

See how long you can pee. Count from one using "one-one thousand, two-one thousand, etc." Our personal record is 47. Send us yours! We will post it in the Editorial section if you so desire.

VOCAB BUILDER

bidet

noun, a bathroom fixture used especially for bathing the external genitals and the posterior parts of the body

POETRY