EDITORS' CORNER

Newspapers day after day spout fear regarding Anthrax. TV broadcasters came down with it. A tabloid employee in Florida died after inhaling Anthrax. No kidding -- they're pretty big guys with guitars and drums and their pointy beards couldn't have helped the situation. In all seriousness, anthrax is a serious disease with serious consequences. The scary part is that it's coming through the mail. The last time such serious diseases came through the postal service was that time in the 1980s when mail-order brides were in vogue. There are a few important things to realize when it comes to bioterrorism: Some countries use mustard gas as a weapon. Personally, I think beer gas is a lot more toxic. Another bioterrorist weapon in the wings is smallpox. Just wait until they whip out the bigpox. Finally, don't worry about them sending us a few letters with a white powdery substance that has a cure. We're bombing the living hell out of them and antibiotics don't help.

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This is sure a weird war. There's a guy in a turban saying all Americans are bad. He knocked down our buildings because were bad. Some Americans agree were bad. Pat Robertson said God destroyed our buildings because we look at too much porn on the Internet. Jerry Falwell said it was abortionists and homosexuals. Ninety-nine percent of Americans are right here with us -- Smack dab in the middle of whacko fundamentalists. It's our military in Afghanistan seeking out ol' Osama. I have a better idea. Why not send Falwell, Robertson and all their minions to Afghanistan. They'd kill each other off and we would all live in a wonderful world.

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK

Rumor has it that Osama bin Ladin has a small penis. So if men with small genitalia tend to try to get attention and there is an inverse correlation between the size and amount of obnoxiousness, ... well, you get the picture.

VOCAB BUILDER

jihad

noun, a holy war which is fought by Muslims against people who are a threat to the Islamic religion or who oppose its teachings

POETRY