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We're back from spring break so here is another issue of corn for your enjoyment.

EDITORS' CORNER

What the academy awards lack are awards given to movies that normal human beings enjoy. Hence, I have suggested some new awards:

• Best movie with female breasts as the focal point
• Best violent scene in a high budget action film
• Best movie that appears as if it were shot with a camcorder
• Best script with creative use of expletives

Awards such as these would make the awards, as well as the movies, much more entertaining. The vocabulary builder this week is tarmac (TAR' MACK).

I think of the actual award given. The materialistic piece of metal or whatever it is. Oscar is a naked man, holding a sword. There is no frontal nudity, but his buttocks are clearly uncovered. Since he is not furry, we can assume he is not Oscar the Grouch. He is metal, but does not float around the world, so we can assume he is not OSCAR (Orbiting Satellite Carrying Amateur Radio) the ham radio satellite. Since he is not visibly German, we can assume he is not Oskar Schindler. Whatever he is, he's a cool naked metal guy.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"So you climbed in the back of a pervert's car?"

From movie "Gleamin' the Cube"

PROVERB & POEMS

"When a policeman pulls you over and asks to see your license, it is not wise to pretend that you are superman, and are exempt from all laws, and then take off and fly away."

Oscar

Oscar, don't grouch
For you never do crouch
Your stature is always quite tall
You're shiny and gold
You're naked and bold
With the tightest award buttocks of all

Tarmac (WARNING LEVEL: 2)

I like to go fly
And soar to the sky
In my trusty little plane
I land it right down
And tie it to the ground
Then go to drain the main vein

Mobile Bed

I have an FM Stereo with a tape deck and CD
Cruise control and power brakes, a double-set of keys
They offered me some bucket seats
I took bench-style instead
My woman will appreciate 
My lovely mobile bed

CORNEE EDITORIALS

WHAT THE COLLEGE VIEWBOOKS DON"T TELL YOU, pt. 2

1. Your bill in the bookstore will almost equal tuition.
2. Isn't it amazing that the book your professor wrote is always required for his class?
3. E-mail becomes your second language.
4. Ten-page papers used to sound impossible, now they're a Godsend.
5. Forget putting the toilet seat down,you just pray that they flush.
6. Frisbee becomes a contact sport.
7. College girls are the same as high school girls, just with more freedom...and no curfew.
8. You always thought that worshipping the porcelain god was just an expression...it's not!
9. Any game can be made into a drinking game.
10. Cereal makes a meal any time of day.

Submitted by Cory Rogers