Who Ought To Be in Stella Street?

When the series was on, there was some discussion of who else should have been in Stella Street. Not all of them made it. Here are some celebrities that were suggested by readers of this site.

Celebrity	Plot
Woody Allen	He could write books on what all the characters get up to, and then make a film of himself writing a book of what all the characters get up to.
Michael Barrymore	Always making an arse of himself, trying it on (pretendingly) with Mrs Huggett although she hates the bloke and tells him to fuck off whenever he shows up when she's around! [Now, given recent events, I'm not sure whether Barrymore would be funnier or not.]
Simon Bates	Warning people not to watch porn films with the curtains open, then going off to run his pirate radio station.
David Beckham	Accompanied by John as Victoria [They finally brought in Victoria Beckham with Ronni Ancona.]
George Best	To complement Jimmy Hill
Bono	Singing, probably.
Tony Blair	On Surbiton Council; Gray Slurrey's superior.
David Bowie	I know he's already in it!! But I think because he's well known for being the "chameleon of pop" he could keep changing his image and personality… He could go from Ziggy to his late 90's spiky orange haired, union jack coat wearing "Eart h ling" look in a matter of seconds/minutes/days/etc.!
Sean Connery	To have a fight with Roger Moore, or just upstage generally. Probably Roger should lose a lady to him.
Michael Crawford	As Frank Spencer. Purely for the irony.
Billy Crystal	I would suggest bearded award ceremony fuck Billy Crystal as a fine addition to the street. He could wank on at length about what awards he will make sure Al Pacino et al don't get.
Tony Curtis	As Cary Grant, or just to reminisce with Roger
Paul Daniels	He would get on everybody's nerves and would be repeatedly told throughout the series by the various residents to do a "disappearing act for good!"
Robert DeNiro	As a taxi driver, or a psychopathic ice-cream man
Hugh Grant	Being fellated by Mrs Huggett. NB: It is not suggested that Hugh Grant would ever be fellated in real life.
Richard E. Grant	As Withnail from “Withnail and I”, going on holiday in Stella Street by mistake.
Peter Falk	As Columbo (obviously), investigating the murder of a once great comedy idea (oof, shocking)
Bruce Forsyth	Organises a tournament with Tarby at Ewan Macgregor's Crazy Golf course.
Elliott Gould	Guesting as he does in that awful Friends thing.
Rolf Harris	Killing innocent animals, or perhaps organising cockfighting. NB: It is in no way suggested that the real Mr Rolf Harris has ever even thought about being involved in any or all of these activities.
The Krankies	A trip down memory lane. Oh no, that would be crap, wouldn't it?
Des Lynam	Moving in with Jimmy Hill.
Keith Moon	I’ve lost track of the number of requests I've had for Keith Moon. John Sessions bears him a striking resemblance, I've repeatedly been told. Well, so many fans can's be wrong. For example: “John Sessions looks incredibly like Keith Moon, especially from the 'Who Are You' era. How about adding another Keith to the neighbourhood??? He could be seen smashing up Mick & Keith's store or driving Michael Caine's Rolls into his kidney shaped swimming pool, you know the usual Moon the Loon stuff. Fucking brilliant show though, two episodes and I was hooked. Bring it on I say!!!”
John Peel	Doing Stella Street FM and talking about his wife, Pig. "Actually, Sheila and I were just off to buy some mange tout at the local corner shop. I got tired of living in Stowmarket…"
John Sessions	Played by Phil Cornwell, of course!
Peter Stringfellow	Opens a nightclub that no-one goes to but Dean and Len
Sylvester Stallone	Another very popular suggestion for John.
Jimmy Tarbuck	Pisses everybody off with his gags.
Sid Vicious and Johnny Rotten	Opening a Chippy
Richard Whiteley	Another anecdotal joke fuck (see Jimmy Hill).
Bruce Willis	An opportunity to parody some Hollywood blockbusters. For Phil Cornwell.

What would Stella Street have looked like forty years ago? Perhaps some of the following would have lived there:

Marlon Brando

Richard Burton

James Dean

Cary Grant

Tony Hancock

Charles Hawtrey

Laurel & Hardy

Jimi Hendrix (as a smoking partner for the young Hank Zootermelk)

Eileen Huggett

Sid James

Peter Lorre

Desmond Llewelyn (living with Roger Moore)

Steve McQueen

Spike Milligan

David Niven

Lawrence Olivier

James Robertson-Justice (as Lancelot Spratt)

Peter Sellers (surely the king of character actors deserves to be represented. Why not have individual Sellers characters interacting with one another: Jacques Clouseau meets Dr Strangelove, etc.)

Phil Silvers (which John does very well, I’ve been told)

James Stewart

Rod Steiger

Elizabeth Taylor (in competition with Mrs Huggett)

Terry-Thomas

Kenneth Williams

Thanks to all who contributed.