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since 20/03/2000

Site last updated 01/12/2002, with improved design and more news.

© Steve Day

Who Ought To Be in Stella Street?

When the series was on, there was some discussion of who else should have been in Stella Street. Not all of them made it. Here are some celebrities that were suggested by readers of this site.

Celebrity

Plot

Woody Allen

He could write books on what all the characters get up to, and then make a film of himself writing a book of what all the characters get up to.

Michael Aspel

doing This is Your Life on someone, either Michael Caine or Joe Pesci

Michael Barrymore

Always making an arse of himself, trying it on (pretendingly) with Mrs Huggett although she hates the bloke and tells him to fuck off whenever he shows up when she's around! [Now, given recent events, I'm not sure whether Barrymore would be funnier or not.]

Simon Bates

Warning people not to watch porn films with the curtains open, then going off to run his pirate radio station.

David Beckham

Accompanied by John as Victoria.

George Best

To complement Jimmy Hill

Bono

Singing, probably.

Tony Blair

On Surbiton Council; Gray Slurrey's superior.

David Bowie

I know he's already in it!! But I think because he's well known for being the "chameleon of pop" he could keep changing his image and personality… He could go from Ziggy to his late 90's spiky orange haired, union jack coat wearing "Eart h ling" look in a matter of seconds/minutes/days/etc…!

Pierce Brosnan

For Phil. Possibly for another hilarious Dr No scene.

Jarvis Cocker

Jeremy Clarkson

John Cleese

Sean Connery

To have a fight with Roger Moore, or just upstage generally. Probably Roger should los a lady to him.

Michael Crawford

As Frank Spencer. Purely for the irony.

Billy Crystal

I would suggest bearded award ceremony fuck Billy Crystal as a fine addition to the street. He could wank on at length about what awards he will make sure Al Pacino et al don't get.

Tony Curtis

As Cary Grant, or just to reminisce with Roger

Paul Daniels

He would get on everybody's nerves and would be repeatedly told throughout the series by the various residents to do a "disappearing act for good!"

Robert DeNiro

As a taxi driver, or a psychopathic ice-cream man

Bob Dylan

Hugh Grant

Being fellated by Mrs Huggett. NB: It is not suggested that Hugh Grant would ever be fellated in real life.

Richard E. Grant

As Withnail from “Withnail and I”, going on holiday in Stella Street by mistake.

Clint Eastwood

Peter Falk

As Columbo (obviously), investigating the murder of a once great comedy idea (oof, shocking)

Bruce Forsyth

Organises a tournament with Tarby at Ewan Macgregor's Crazy Golf course.

Liam & Noel Gallagher

To copy everything the Beatles do

Elliott Gould

Guesting as he does in that awful Friends thing.

Rolf Harris

Killing innocent animals, or perhaps organising cockfighting. NB: It is in no way suggested that the real Mr Rolf Harris has ever even thought about being involved in any or all of these activities.

Bob Hoskins

Anthony Hopkins

Elton John

Aled Jones

Everything he says is choral, high-pitched, and Welsh. May be good as a chaplain, gets the whole of Stella Street against each other and chortles while watching it behind a bush. Excessive gambler, only bets on Welsh things, because "they're good lads".

The Krankies

A trip down memory lane. Oh no, that would be crap, wouldn't it?

Jack Lemmon

Hangs round with Walter Matthau

Des Lynam

Moving in with Jimmy Hill

Euan Macgregor

Running the local crazy golf.

John Malcovich

Phil, in revenge for John Malcovich taking his role in the Harry Potter movie.

Nigel Mansell

Bore the shit out of the residents. And of course dressed in motor racing uniform. [Too much like Jimmy Hill? Ed.]

Walter Matthau

Hangs round with Jack Lemmon

Bob Monkhouse

Tricky to have a fellow comedian in there, so the game show aspects have to be focussed on.

Keith Moon

I’ve lost track of the number of requests I've had for Keith Moon. John Sessions bears him a striking resemblance, I've repeatedly been told. Well, so many fans can's be wrong. For example: “John Sessions looks incredibly like Keith Moon, especially from the 'Who Are You' era. How about adding another Keith to the neighbourhood??? He could be seen smashing up Mick & Keith's store or driving Michael Caine's Rolls into his kidney shaped swimming pool, you know the usual Moon the Loon stuff. Fucking brilliant show though, two episodes and I was hooked. Bring it on I say!!!”

Graham Norton

Quentin Tarantino

Peter O'Toole

Jeremy Paxman

John Peel

Doing Stella Street FM and talking about his wife, Pig. "Actually, Sheila and I were just off to buy some mange tout at the local corner shop. I got tired of living in Stowmarket…"

Prince Philip

As an ill-mannered racist.

Leslie Phillips

William Shatner

Doing Shakespeare.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

As himself.

John Sessions

Played by Phil Cornwell, of course!

Donald Sinden

Jerry Springer

Sting

Peter Stringfellow

Opens a nightclub that no-one goes to but Dean and Len

Sylvester Stallone

Another very popular suggestion for John.

Jimmy Tarbuck

Pisses everybody off with his gags.

Sid Vicious and Johnny Rotten

Opening a Chippy

Barry White

If they could do the voice

Richard Whiteley

Another anecdotal joke fuck.

Robbie Williams

Bruce Willis

An opportunity to parody some Hollywood blockbusters. For Phil Cornwell.

Henry Winkler

Dale Winton

The Young Ones

Stella Street Gold

What would Stella Street have looked like forty years ago? Perhaps some of the following would have lived there:

Marlon Brando

Richard Burton

James Dean

Cary Grant

Tony Hancock

Charles Hawtrey

Laurel & Hardy

Jimi Hendrix (as a smoking partner for Hank)

Eileen Huggett

Sid James

Peter Lorre

Desmond Llewelyn (living with Roger Moore)

Steve McQueen

Spike Milligan

David Niven

Lawrence Olivier

James Robertson-Justice (as Lancelot Spratt)

Peter Sellers (surely the king of character actors deserves to be represented. Why not have individual Sellers characters interacting with one another: Jacques Clouseau meets Dr Strangelove, etc.)

Phil Silvers (which John does very well, I’ve been told)

James Stewart

Rod Steiger

Elizabeth Taylor (in competition with Mrs Huggett)

Terry-Thomas

Kenneth Williams

Thanks to all who contributed.