Early Diary, '98-'02

[published this online back before I succumbed to blogging...]

I really didn't intend to write a "difficult second novel," having seen writers from Scott Fitzgerald to Scott Heim to Heather Lewis to Michael Chabon wrestle with it. Best laid plans...

But in some ways this book is simpler than Execution, Texas: 1987. Really!

• The chronology is linear
• There's no pop culture or age-specific references
• There's no question of what is real or not (although it does take place in a reality just slightly removed from our own)
• It's darker, funnier, more imaginative and more tightly structured
• Everyone that's read it so far has said it's a page turner

But I worry it's not clearly enough litterachure or mystery or homo or any other clear specific genre. But, well, tough.

Why am I doing this? Admittedly it comes awfully close to blogging, a narcissistic phenomena I loathe.

But I loathe even more the persona of the Author that so many writers affect: every morning is spent jotting away Big Thoughts -- by hand of course, best with an expensive antique quill -- in some indie coffeeshop or in the plaza of their expatriate hoemtown. Then it's parties and workshops and classes and launches and a steady stream of books spewing out their ass. They never get rejected; they never work day jobs. Feh.

I hope this diary gives my readers and apsiring writers out there a more realistic picture of me and my experiences.

July 23, 2002: Agent touched base to say the book is still at several places he's working on.

July 3, 2002: My birthday, but feeling summer doldrums. No news from my agent. The imprint I was previousy published under is being shut down by the publisher. Sigh.

May 8, 2002: Received a very enthusiastic rejection letter. Editor said it was "a mind trip!" and "one of the most ingenious premises that I've ever come across," but the major house he worked for was too conservative to go for it. Still, it cheered me up.

May 3, 2002: Rejection from a major house, this time they "didn't feel that strongly about the writing." Are you seeing how it's hard to get any consistent critique from rejection letters? I don't feel too bad about this one because everyone I know who has been published by this house gets booted off the list if their sales don't kick ass.

April 29, 2002: Rejection from a smaller, more adventurous press. This time I'm "not compelling enough." Oddly it turns out I know the publisher through mutual friends, although they don't know it. Strange feeling.

April 15, 2002: Rejection from a major house, "astoundingly unique ... issues raised -- those of identity, family, sexuaity -- are all inherently compelling and boldly addressed."

Spring, 2002: Email from Craig Lucas apologizing for not reading book yet; he's swamped with productions right now. He's so sweet. And, God, he can write.

April 10, 2002: Sent printout of revised manuscript to agent. Feel very solid about the book. It's done. This is the last change until I'm working with an editor.

March 29-31, 2002: Spent 3 days locked up in a hotel room here in Seattle revising novel. Amazing how much work can be done when there's no distractions. Massive changes include:

• Deleted one of the major characters and his POV chapter (which had some great material I'm going to have to find a new home for)
• The central mystery now is no longer “Who are the boys parents?” but “Which is the fake boy?”
• Characters strengthened with interior dialog
• Less second-hand action: letters and phone calls have been rewritten as direct experience where we see it actually happening.
• More linear chronology
• New Sheriff/Hollywood Jake scenes to strengthen their relationship
• All 5 major chapters have had scenes combined and re-ordered for stronger dramatic arc and narrative flow
• Brothers referred to by city-based nicknames, not just city names
• Family backstories reduced and simplified
• New title, One of These Things is Not Like the Other is longer but more memorable
• Otherworldliness strengthened – dirigibles have replaced airplanes, more references to archaic technology like 8-tracks, DIVX, ditto machines, carbons, rotary dial phones, telegrams, etc.
• More humor throughout, especially in later chapters to offset the violence or drama taking itself too seriously
  

March 28, 2002: Rejection from a major house. No real comment from this one.

March 22, 2002: Rejection from major house, "obviously an accomplished writer, but .... too dark and surreal."

January 29, 2002: Rejection from major house, "an eerie story with a suspensful plot that kept me turning the pages."

January 25, 2002: Rejection from major house, "ambitious as hell."

January 10, 2002: Rejection from a respected literary publisher, "very clever stuff."

Winter, 2001: Sent Craig Lucas a copy of the book after he asked to see it. Anxious to see what he thinks. His work inspires and encourages me.

December 20, 2001: Rejection from new but sorta major, maybe, house, "an excellent writer."

December 20, 2001: Rejection from major house, "certainly original" and "deeply imaginative."

October 10, 2001: Sent agent a new draft of manuscript going back to old title, Six of One. American Men doesn't work after 9-11. Minor round of editing as well.

Fall, 2001: Sent agent new draft of novel. Just in time as I've gone back to work full-time and will have less readily available writing hours. Retitled it American Men to underscore themes of national identity, American myth of uniform individuality.

Summer, 2001: Writing every day for hours to get manuscript completed before I start new advertising agency job.

Spring, 2001: Haggled with agent and his assistant over book. Long emails defending it and explaining what I'm trying to do. Conceded on some of their points and made revisions.

Winter, 2000-2001: Writing and getting more feedback from readers. Work includes freelance writing, arts adminstration, and apartment building management

September, 2000: Laid off from dotcom, unemployed again.

July, 2000: Australia trip: Readings at bookstores in Sydney and Melbourne, interview with Sydney paper, reading at the University of Melbourne. "What are you working on now?" questions make me anxious.

Summer, 2000: Read excerpts at Broadway Street Fair readings with C. Bard Cole, who's staying with us and on tour for his new book, Briefly Told Lives, which is one of the best contemporary gay books I've read in years. Rebecca Brown is there and digs the dogs in my reading. She's a total sweetheart.

April, 2000: Unexpectedly find myself with an incredible new boyfriend!

March, 2000: Share copies of book with several friends and discuss feedback. All very helpful and interesting to see what things come up consistently and what things don't. My ex-boyfriend never reads his copy, which pisses me off.

February, 2000: I take the dotcom plunge and go back to work full time. 60-hour weeks gobble up my writing time.

Fall, 1999: Other editing projects compete with novel for my time. Two presses have me editing anthologies of vintage erotica, plus I'm guest-judging Best Gay Erotica 2000.

Summer, 1999: In Brazil to present a performance with Jennifer Fink and Valarie Moses at an Elizabeth Bishop conference. Epiphany from Ipanema: missing element of new novel is love.

Spring, 1999: Writing and juggling multiple freelance jobs is stressing me out, not to mention breakup emotional fallout, turning 30, Y2K... Having lots of depression and anxiety. Started seeing a therapist after spending several days in bed.

Spring, 1999: Larry-Bob publishes an excerpt from my new novel in his 'zine Holy Titclamps!, which also features new work by Sarah Schulman.

Winter, 1999: Great conversation with Frank Browning helps me decide my nonfiction book is fatally flawed, and I should focus all my energies on new novel.

Winter, 1999: Quit part-time editing gig to concentrate on writing. Hoping I can get enough freelance work to stay afloat.

Winter, 1998: My personal life overwhelms writing for a while: I'm breaking up with my partner of 9 years, moving, and managing an apartment building on top of my part-time job.

Fall, 1998: Input scenes written in Italy and shared with my boyfriends, Matt Bernstein Sycamore, and other friends.

Summer 1998: Handwrote initial scenes and outline during writers retreat in San Damiano, Italy. Working title is Pack of Men.

Spring 1998: Daring to think about another novel, less than a year after my first is published. Don't want to rush it. Trying to focus on ongoing nonfiction project instead. Wrote a few stream-of-consciousness, diary-entry type pages, but more than anything I'm feeling this book structurally: five lines converging on a single point, and each chapter is a segment of a different line moving progressively closer to the final point.