Introduction
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Tabula Rasa¹

Prologue

Buffy walks through the cemetery alone. She hears something behind her, spins around, and nearly stakes Spike. He wants to talk with her. Buffy doesn’t want to talk with him. She turns and walks away.

Spike follows her. “We kissed, Buffy.”

“So?”

“We—we kissed, you and me, all Gone With the Wind with the rising music and the rising…music, and what was that, Buffy?”

“A spell?”

Spike gets in front of her. “Oh, don’t get all prim and proper on me. I know what kind of girl you really are. Don’t I?”

“What we did is done,” says Buffy. “But I will never kiss you, Spike, never touch you ever, ever again!”

Buffy suddenly jumps on Spike, and kicks his legs out from underneath him. Spike goes down on his back, and Buffy lands on top of him. A stake appears sticking out of a tree at heart level near where Spike had been standing. Buffy looks up.

A shark headed demon, in a purple sharkskin suit tells the two vampires behind him to take it easy. “No need to get physical-like. Is there, Mr. Spike?”

Buffy gets to her feet, while avoiding as much additional contact with Spike as she can. “You know this guy?”

“Yeah,” says Spike. He asks Sharky what he wants. There’s a lot of things Sharky would like, but at the moment the main thing that concerns him is the forty siamese kittens Spike owes him.

“Oh god, what is it with you guys? Why kittens?” asks Buffy. “Why couldn’t you just use money like everybody else?”

Sharky thinks Buffy is funny. He likes that in a girl. Spike tells him he needs a little more time. That is something Sharky isn’t willing to give him. “Look, I don’t want to see anyone get hurt.” He waves his two vampire companions forward. “Boys.”

Buffy jumps up and grabs an overhead tree branch. She kicks forward with both feet, and catches the front vampire in the head. It lands at Sharky’s feet. “Then you’d better close your eyes.” Buffy pushes Spike out of the way, and punches the second vampire in the gut. It doubles over and she hits it on the back of its neck. It lands on the ground at her feet. Buffy crosses her arms over her chest and looks at Sharky.

“I said she was the Slayer, Boss,” says the first vamp.

Sharky thanks him for the reminder. He has a little proposition for Buffy. “Have you ever given any thought to, uh, freelance work? A little debt collecting, perhaps?” Buffy declines the offer. Spike takes advantage of the distraction to disappear.

“Well, that’s what I get for socializing,” says Sharky. He tells his two vamps it’s time to go. They’ll just have to find Mr. Spike some other time. He gives Buffy a departing bow. “Oh. It was a genuine pleasure.” He gnashes his teeth at her.

Buffy shakes her head, and sighs. “If I would just stop saving his life, it would simple things up so much.”

Act I

Xander, Anya, Willow and Tara sit around the table in Xander’s apartment looking miserable and drinking coffee. Anya wonders what Heaven was like for Buffy. If she walked around on clouds wearing Birkenstocks and playing a harp. The others just look at her like she’s from another planet. “What? I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking.” She looks at Xander. “Right, baby?”

“You are attractive and have many good qualities,” says Xander.

“It’s totally not stupid to wonder what it was like for Buffy,” says Tara. “But it could have been any one of a zillion heavenly dimensions. All we know is that…it was a good place and she was happy there.”

“We took her away from that,” says Willow. “We wrecked it for her.”

“We didn’t wreck,” says Xander. “We didn’t know.”

“We didn’t want to know,” says Willow. “We were so selfish. I was so selfish.”

“Maybe we were,” says Xander. “I just feel weird feeling bad that my friend’s not dead. It’s too mind-boggling, so I’ve decided to simplify the whole thing. Me like Buffy. Buffy’s alive. So me glad.”

“Not to be Miss Psycho Pep Squad,” says Tara, “but we have got to stop obsessing about what we did and start trying to make things better for Buffy.” Anya agrees with her. So does Xander. He thinks they need to spend more time just hanging out with her. Maybe do a weekly dinner and video thing.

“I can fix it,” says Willow. “I know a spell—”

“No!” says Tara. “No more spells.”

Willow doesn’t think that this can be fixed by watching videos. “I know I messed up, okay? And I want to fix it.”

“I can’t believe we are talking about this again! You know how powerful magic is, how dangerous. You could hurt someone. You could hurt yourself.”

“I know a spell that will make her forget she was ever in Heaven,” says Willow.

Tara slams her coffee cup down on the table. “God! What is wrong with you?”

Xander suddenly decides that he can hear the phone ringing in the bedroom, and gets up to go answer it. Anya thinks he needs help, and follows him.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Tara asks Willow. “I know you used that spell on me.”

Willow starts to apologise, but Tara tells her that there is nothing she can say. “Tara, I didn’t mean to—”

“To what? Violate my mind like that?” asks Tara. “How could you, Willow? How could you after what Glory did to me?”

“Violate you?” asks Willow. “I—I didn’t mean anything like that. I—I—I just wanted us not to fight anymore. I love you.”

“If you don’t want to fight, you don’t fight,” says Tara. “You don’t use magic to make a fight disappear.”

“But I—I just wanted to make things better, better for us.”

“But you don’t get to decide what is better for us, Will. We’re in a relationship. We are supposed to decide together.”

“Okay,” says Willow. “I realize I did it wrong.”

“You did it the way you’re doing everything. When things get rough, you… You don’t even consider the options. You just…you just do a spell. It’s not good for you, Willow. And it’s not what magic is for.”

“But I—I just want to help people.”

“Maybe that’s how it started, but…you’re helping yourself now, fixing things to your liking. Including me.” Tara stops for a moment before she goes on. “I don’t think this is going to work.”

“Hey. It is, see? It’s working,” says Willow. “Tara, please. I need you, baby. I need you. I don’t need magic. I don’t. I— Let me prove it to you, okay? I will go a month without doing any magic. I won’t do a single spell. I swear.”

“Go a week,” says Tara. “One week without magic.” Willow says she can do that easy. “Go a week and then we’ll see. I don’t know. I just…think we both need some, I don’t know, space? Oh, I can’t believe I’m saying this.”

“Are you saying you’re going to leave me?” asks Willow.

“I have to,” says Giles.

Buffy is stunned by the news, and sits on the stack of pads beside the green sofa Giles is sitting on in her training room.

“You have to be strong,” says Giles. “I’m trying to—”

Buffy gets up off the stack of pads, and starts to pace around the room. “Trying to what? Desert me? Abandon me? Leave me all alone when I really need somebody?”

“I don’t want to leave,” says Giles.

“So don’t.” Buffy sits down beside Giles on the sofa. “Please don’t. I can’t do this without you.”

“You can,” says Giles. “That’s why I’m going. As long as I stay, you will always turn to me. If there’s something comes up that you feel that you can’t handle, I’ll step in because…because I can’t bear to see you suffer.”

“Me, too. Hate suffering! Had about as much of it as I can take!”

“Believe me, I’m loathe to cause you more, but this… I’ve taught you all I can about being a Slayer. And your mother taught you what you needed to know about life. You… You’re not going to trust that until you’re forced to stand alone.”

“But why now?” asks Buffy. “Now that you know where I’ve been, what I’m going through?”

“Now more than ever,” says Giles. “The temptation to give up is going to be overwhelming, and I can’t let—”

“So I won’t! No giving up! You can be here, and I can still be strong!”

“Buffy, I’ve thought this over, and over. I believe it’s the right thing to do.”

“You’re wrong.” Buffy gets up and walks out of the training room. She leaves Giles alone on the sofa.

Dawn calls up the stairs for Willow to hurry up. Giles has called a meeting at the Magic Box. Willow appears at the top of the stairs, fresh from the shower, and wrapped in a towel. She tells Dawn and Tara to go ahead. She’ll be along in a few minutes. Dawn and Tara leave through the front door. Willow does a quick spell, and her towel is replaced by clothes. She hurries down the stairs, and into the living room.

Willow pulls her supply of Lethe’s Bramble out from behind some books in a bookcase, takes a sprig from the bag, and places it in the fireplace. She begins her incantation and sets the Lethe’s Bramble on fire.

For Buffy and Tara, this I char,
Let Lethe’s Bramble do its chore.
Purge their minds of memories grim,
Of pains from recent slights and sins.

She touches a clear crystal to the flame.

When the fire goes out, when the crystal turns black,
The spell will be cast.
Tabula rasa.
Tabula rasa.
Tabula rasa.

Willow slips the crystal into her pocket and hurries out of the house, leaving the bag of Lethe’s Bramble sitting on the hearth.

Tara and Dawn arrive at the Magic Box. Anya, Giles and Buffy are already there. Tara takes a seat at the round table with Anya and Giles. Buffy is sitting on the ladder leading up to the Magic Box loft. Dawn asks Giles what’s up. What kind of oogly-booglys they have in town now. Giles tells her that there are no oogly-booglys.

Willow and Xander come through the front door together. She thanks him for loaning her his jacket. It’s cold outside. Giles gets up from the table. “I’m glad you’re here, um… I have something I really have to tell you all. I know it feels like we’ve been through this before—”

Buffy gets off the ladder. “Why don’t you just jump to the chase? Tell them that you—”

Buffy is interrupted by the sudden entrance of Spike through the front door. He’s wearing a brown tweed three piece suit, with a bow tie, and has a hat with earflaps pulled down over his head to protect it from the daylight. He’s smoking a bit. “You need to give me asylum!”

Xander takes a look at his outfit. “I’ll say.”

Spike tells him its a disguise. He’s trying to avoid someone right now. He sits on the Magic Box counter. “You met him, I believe,” he tells Buffy. “Toothy bloke with the baby seal breath? Nasty fella him, and ugly too. Got a mouth full of chompers just waiting to yanked out and worn as necklaces.”

Willow uses the distraction of Spike’s entrance to check the crystal in her pocket. It’s glowing dark green.

A spark from the Lethe’s Bramble burning in the fireplace jumps out into the bag Willow left lying on the hearth. It starts to burn too.

“Well, now that we’ve recovered from Spike’s sartorial humor, I’ll jump to the chase.” Giles glances back at Buffy, standing by the ladder. “Um, I’m headed back to England, and I plan to stay, indefinitely.” He sits down on the bench beside Anya.

“Now?” asks Xander. “Not now. I mean, not after…everything.”

“Yes, now,” says Giles.

“For real this time?” asks Anya. “’Cause honest to Pete, a young shopkeeper’s heart can only take so much. I mean, not that I want you to go—”

Buffy starts toward the door. “I can’t do this. I just— I need to—”

“Buffy. Listen,” says Willow. Buffy stops and looks back at her. “I know th-this must be awful for you. And I’m—I’m sorry. I—I’m so sorry for all—”

“I’m sorry. Everybody’s sorry!” says Buffy. “I know that you guys are just trying to help, but it’s just— It’s too much. And I—I can’t take it anymore. If you guys— If you guys understood how it felt, how it feels. It’s like I’m dying—” Buffy collapses to the floor.

Everyone else in the Magic Box collapses too. Xander and Willow end up lying together on the floor, and Giles slumps against Anya’s back at the table.

The Lethe’s Bramble has burned out.

Act II

Evening has fallen when Buffy wakes up. She gets to her feet, and looks around. She spots the light switch and turns it on. The light starts to wake the others up. Willow notices that she’s lying with Xander, and pulls away from him.

“Hey!” says Xander, and he smiles at Willow. Giles notices that his drool seems to have left a damp spot on Anya’s back as he straightens up.

Spike rolls off the counter. The sound of him hitting the floor startles Dawn awake, and she lets out a little shriek.

Dawn tries to back away from everyone. “Who are you people?” Buffy tells her not to worry, and kneels down beside her. Dawn cringes away from her. “Please don’t hurt me.”

Buffy tells Dawn not to worry. She doesn’t know anyone here either.

“Yeah? Who are you?” asks Dawn. That seems to stump Buffy.

“Okay. Who are you freaks?” asks Xander.

“You don’t know me?” asks Willow.

“Not a clue,” says Xander.

“But you were just all like, ‘Oh, hey.’”

“Yeah, ’cause I thought you were a girl and that I’d remember, but…”

Willow’s hands go to her breasts. “Well, I am a girl. I’m… not sure who I am exactly, but—”

“Okay, why was I on the ground?” asks Xander. “And why are you all staring at me? Is this some kind of psych test? Am I getting paid for this?”

Giles tells him he isn’t the only one having memory problems, and asks if anyone remembers anything. No one does. He starts trying to figure out an explanation. “Maybe we got terribly drunk, and this is some sort of blackout.”

“I don’t think I drink,” says Dawn, and Anya doesn’t see any booze. She also doesn’t feel any head bumps, or see Allen Funt.

Xander is starting to panic. Buffy tells him to take it easy. “No one’s hurt, right? And—and none of us look all hatchety-murdery, so we’re probably safe…here. Wherever here is.”

Willow looks around and notices the weird stuff on the shelves. She picks up a book off the counter. Magic for Beginners.

“This is a magic shop,” says Tara. “A r-r-real magic shop.”

Buffy thinks maybe something magic took their memories away, but Giles scoffs at that. “Magic’s all balderdash and chicanery. I’m afraid we don’t know a bloody thing…” He notices his accent. “…except I seem to be British, don’t I? Uh, and a man…” He notices the glasses on his face. “…with glasses. Well, that narrows it down considerably.”

Dawn really doesn’t like what’s happening, and Buffy tries to comfort her. “We’ll take care of each other.” She brushes the hair away from Dawn’s face.

Giles is sure everything will be right as rain as soon as they get their memories back.

“Oh, listen to Mary Poppins,” says Spike. “He’s got his crust all stiff and upper with that Nancy-Boy accent. You Englishmen are always so—” He stops. “Bloody hell.” He starts to inventory his favourite swear words. “Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bullocks, oh, god. I’m English.”

“Welcome to the Nancy Tribe,” says Giles.

Spike has a horrid thought. “You don’t suppose you and I… We’re not related, are we?” Anya thinks that there’s a ruggedly handsome resemblance. Giles senses something familiar about Spike, and disappointing. He thinks he may be Spike’s older brother. Spike snickers at that idea. He thinks its more likely Giles is his father. “Oh, God, how I must hate you.”

“What did I do?” asks Giles.

“There’s always something.” Spike points at Anya. “And what’s with the trollop? I saw you sleeping together.”

“Resting together,” says Giles.

Anya notices the engagement ring on her finger. “Look! It’s okay. We’re engaged.” The thought that he’s engaged to this attractive young woman pleases Giles a lot, and Anya thinks it’s a lovely ring.

“Oh, great,” says Spike. “A tarty step-mom who’s half old daddy’s age.”

“Tarty?” asks Anya.

“Old?” asks Giles. “You little twerp, I’m young enough to still get carded.”

That gives Willow an idea. They should check their driver’s licenses! Everyone starts feeling at their pockets, looking for I.D. Xander and Willow find their licenses, and their names. Willow thinks hers is funny, but Tara says she likes it. Tara finds her student I.D. card. Willow has one of those too. “Hey!, maybe we’re study buddies.”

Buffy and Dawn come up empty, but Buffy notices that Dawn is wearing a necklace with “Dawn” on it, and figures that must be her name. Dawn looks down and reads it upside down. “Or Umad.”

Giles finds his license. Anya likes “Rupert.” Spike thinks it’s funny.

“You’re not too old to put across my knee, you know, sonny,” says Giles. “Anyway, what did I call you?”

Spike hasn’t found anything in his pockets, but he discovers a label inside his jacket. “‘Made with care for Randy.’ Randy Giles? Why not just call me ‘Horny’ Giles or ‘Desperate for a Shag’ Giles? I knew there was a reason I hated you.”

Willow has been checking out the jacket she’s wearing and discovered that it has a name label on it too. “Harris.”

“Harris? That’s my last name,” says Xander. “Maybe I have a brother and you go out with him. Or maybe you go out with me.”

“Well, we did wake up all snuggly-wuggly,” says Willow. “Maybe you’re my boyfriend.”

“Either that, or I got one pissed-off brother out there somewhere,” says Xander.

Anya hasn’t found any I.D. but she tries out a key she finds in her purse in the cash register, and it works. “I’m Anya! Um, this key fits this lock, and the, uh, forms next to the cash register say that Rupert and Anya own the shop together.”

“This is our magic shop?” asks Giles. “Well, it’s very, uh, very progressive of me.”

Buffy is the only one left without a name. Dawn offers to give her one, but Buffy wants to do it for herself. She thinks for a bit, and decides on “Joan.”

“Yech,” says Dawn.

“What? Did you just ‘yech’ my name?” asks Buffy.

“No, I just… I mean, it’s so blah,” says Dawn. “Joan?”

“I like it. I feel like a Joan.”

Dawn chuckles. “Fine, that’s your purgative.”

“Prerogative,” says Buffy.

“Whatever, Joan.”

“Whatever, Umad.”

Buffy and Dawn start talking together. “Boy, you’re a pain in the—” says Buffy. “Boy, you’re bossy,” says Dawn. They stop and look at each other.

“Do you think we’re—” says Dawn.

“Sisters?” asks Buffy. They hug each other. Spike figures that Giles never showed him affection like that.

Buffy tells the others that they need to figure out what’s going on, and get help. Spike isn’t thrilled with the way she seems to think she’s the boss. “We have a kid here,” says Buffy.

“A teenager,” says Dawn.

Buffy accepts the correction, but since they have no idea what’s wrong with them, she thinks that should find a hospital. Giles agrees and they all head for the door. Buffy asks for suggestions on how to get there.

“Dad can drive,” says Spike. “He’s bound to have some classic mid-life crisis transport. Something red, shiny, shaped like a penis.”

Buffy opens the door. Sharky’s two minion vampires are standing on the other side of it, and they snarl at them. Everyone screams, and Buffy slams the door in their faces. They all run back into the shop and hide behind the shelves.

“Did you guys see that?” asks Buffy.

“Vampires!” says Spike.

Tara suggests that it might be Halloween, but it doesn’t feel that way to Dawn, and Xander doesn’t think those guys were trick-or-treating. “Randy’s right. Looks like we have vampires.” The vampire pounding on the door yells for the Slayer. “And they’re definitely not knocking for candy.”

Willow takes Xander to check for other doors, make sure they’re locked, and pile heavy things in front of them.

“Monsters are real,” says Buffy. “Did we know this?” Tara thinks that they still have to get their memories back, and for that they need to get to a hospital. Giles has another idea. He thinks they might be able to use the things in the shop to fight them.

One of the vampires pounds on the window. “Send out Spike!”

“They seem to want spikes,” says Giles.

That gives Spike an idea. He goes back behind the counter to get something he saw when he fell off it. He comes back with a load of stakes, and drops them on the floor between them. “Here, let’s give ’em these.” Buffy picks up one of the stakes and looks at it. Dawn wonders what the vampires want with them.

“Slayer, come out and play!” yells one of the vampires.

“‘Slay her,’ that’s just what they said before,” says Tara. “Th-they’re going to use the spikes to—”

“To slay someone? A female someone,” says Buffy. “Who do those jerks think they are?” Giles drops the stake in his hand. Spike starts to gather them up and stuff them into his pockets.

“Bloodsuckers,” says Anya. “They kill by sucking blood. Take it easy, Joan.”

Xander and Willow come back. They found a trapdoor in the basement that seems to lead into the sewers. They can get out that way. They all start to move toward the basement door.

The vampires outside have tired of waiting. One of them smashes through the window, while the other kicks open the door.

Xander drops to his knees and clasps his hands together. “Now, I’m not sure what I am, so bear with me here,” he says. “Now I lay me down to sleep… Uh, shema Israel.” He puts his hands out to his sides and loops his thumbs and forefingers. “Uh, ohm, ohm.”

One of the vampires grabs Buffy, and the other pushes past Xander and grabs Spike. “You owe us.”

“Fine. Take your damn spikes,” says Spike. He tries to hand them to the vamp. It just swats them away. It wants the boss’s kittens.

Buffy struggles against the vampire holding her. “Get your hands off me, you son of a—” The vampire clamps its hand over her mouth, cutting her off.

Buffy bites it’s hand, breaks free, and knees the vampire in the groin. “Bitch!” says the vampire.

Buffy pulls the other vampire away from Spike. “Hey, stay away from Randy!” She plunges her stake into its heart. She—and everyone else—is stunned when it explodes into dust.

“Whoa!” says Dawn.

“What did you just do?” asks Willow.

“I don’t know,” says Buffy, “But it was cool!”

The surviving vampire retreats out the door, but it promises to be back, with company. Spike slams the door behind it, and lowers the metal gates which cover the windows at night.

“I think I know why Joan’s the boss,” says Buffy. “I’m like a superhero or something.” Xander faints.

Sharky paces outside the Magic Box with four more vampires. The vamps want to break into the shop, but Sharky tells them to wait. He figures the humans will turn on Spike soon enough, and if they don’t, they can always burn it down.

Buffy has a new plan. The vamps seem to be interested mainly in Randy, and she’s wicked strong. They can lead the vampires away from the Magic Box while the others make their way through the sewers to the hospital. Spike seems a little reluctant, but he agrees to go along with her. Anya doesn’t want to abandon the cash register, and she also thinks she might be able to do some spells. Giles agrees to stay with her to help.

“All right, you work on that, then,” says Buffy. “We need to go. Ready, Randy?”

“Ready, Joan,” says Spike.

“Um, son. Come here, um, please,” says Giles. Spike comes over to him, and they exchange an awkward hug.

Buffy and Spike run out the front door of the Magic Box, and through the mob of vampires in the street. One of the vampires grabs Spike. He spins around, and in his excitement, vamps out.

Spike hits the vampire, and it flies across the street. He turns back to Buffy. “Hey, I’m a superhero, too!”

Buffy sees his vampire face, and runs screaming.

“Joan, where are you going?” Spike looks back toward the vampires coming up behind him, just in time to get punched in the face.

Act III

Spike fights his way free from the vampires and runs after Buffy. “Hey! Joan! Wait up!”

The ladder down into the tunnel under the Magic Box ends in a six foot gap. Xander and Tara help Dawn, and then Willow down to the tunnel floor. Willow and Tara linger in each other’s arms for a moment, before they turn and start down the tunnel with the others. Dawn starts to sing “The ants go marching one by one.” softly as they walk down the tunnel.

A vampire steps out of the shadows in front of them. They all scream and run the other way.

Giles and Anya look through the book shelves in the Magic Box. Anya thinks that it must be nice for them, working together. It gives them lots of time that they can be alone together.

Giles blows the dust off the cover of a book, and starts searching his pockets for something to wipe the dust off his hands with. He finds his plane ticket back to London. It puzzles him.

Anya brings him a book that she thinks will help. He asks if it’s about mind control, or memory loss or anything like that. “Not exactly,” says Anya. “I just, um… My intuition tells me this is the book, and I figure, being a magic shop owner and a natural at the supernatural, I should trust my intuition.”

“That’s fine, but as you recall, I, too, am a magic shop owner,” says Giles.

“True. But my intuition says that you’re not so much the magic guy and more of a paperwork type. Okay. Here we go.” She puts the book on the table, and opens it. Giles doesn’t think this is a good idea, but Anya ignores him, and reads a spell from the open page. “‘Bara bare himble gemination.’” A rabbit pops into existence on top of the book. Anya screams, and grabs Giles.

Spike catches up with Buffy on a suburban lawn, and grabs her shoulder. Buffy flips him to the ground, and sits on him. “Bloody hell, what are you doing?” he asks.

“You don’t know who you are,” says Buffy.

“Right, none of us do, and we’re being chased by—”

“You’re a vampire!” says Buffy. “I kill your kind.”

Spike doesn’t believe her, until he feels his face, and his fangs. “And I bite yours. So how come I don’t want to bite you?” Buffy relaxes her grip on him a bit, letting him get up onto his elbows. “And why am I fighting other vampires? I must be a noble vampire. A good guy. On a mission of redemption. I help the helpless. I’m a vampire with a soul!”

“A vampire with a soul?” asks Buffy. “Oh, my God! How lame is that?”

Anya stands on a chair in the Magic Box, holding the book in her hands. There are dozens of rabbits hopping around the shop. Giles suggests that maybe she should try another book.

“No. This book made the little fluffers, this book’s going to send them back.” Anya finds another spell in the book. “I’ve got it this time. Okay. ‘Himble abri. Abri voyon.’”

Another rabbit pops into existence at Giles’ feet. “Yes, Dear,” he says.

Buffy has let Spike get back to his feet. She watches him pace around the yard as he talks. “I’m a hero, really. I mean, to be cast such an ugly lot in life and then to rise above it to seek out better, nobler things. It’s inspirational, isn’t it? And the two of us— Natural enemies thrown together to stand against the forces of darkness. Utter trust. No thought of me biting you, no thought of you staking me.”

“Depends on how long you keep on yapping,” says Buffy. She hears a snarl, and turns to see Sharky’s four minion vampires coming toward them.

Xander, Tara, Willow and Dawn manage to evade the vampire. Tara spots a sewer pipe coming into the side of the tunnel, and suggests they hide in it. The pipe takes them into a chamber which is linked to the main tunnel by a couple of sewer pipes. They get inside just before the vampire comes back looking for them.

The vampire walks past the end of the sewer pipe while they all try not to breathe too loudly. It continues down the tunnel. Willow and Tara are beside each other in the chamber. They keep glancing at each other, and then looking away when they notice the other glancing at them.

Anya stands on the round table in the Magic Box. There are hundreds of rabbits hopping around on the floor, and the ceiling of the shop is obscured by a glowing green mist. Flashes of lightning illuminate it more. Giles tells Anya that her book clearly isn’t helping, and to come down off the table, so they fix this is some more sensible fashion.

“Sensible?” asks Anya. “You think it’s sensible for me to go down into that pit of cotton-top hell and let them hippity-hop all over my vulnerable flesh?”

“Well, fine, then,” says Giles. “Just stay up there and keep making bunnies. It’s a capital plan!”

“What capital?” asks Anya. “I never know what you’re talking about. Loo, shag, brolly, what the hell is all that?”

“What? There’s no way you could remember me saying any of those words.”

“Oh, bugger off, you brolly!”

Sharky’s four vampires pair off to attack Buffy and Spike. Sharky has arrived too, and he paces back and forth gnashing his teeth, and watching the fight. Buffy blocks all the blows the two vampires direct at her until one of them catches her in the head with a kick. Buffy kicks the vampire away, and shakes her head clear. “Note to self: learn to duck.” She notices the mailbox by the edge of the lawn is on a wooden post.

Spike gives one of the vampires attacking him a head-butt, and the vampire falls to the ground. Spike pulls a stake from his pocket, and dusts it.

Buffy kicks the mailbox post, and it snaps off at the base. She picks it up and stakes one of the vampires with it as it rushes at her. She swings it at another vampire, but it blocks it, and knocks it away from her. She and the vampire trade punches. Buffy kicks at it, but it catches her foot, and then hits her with the back of its hand. Buffy breaks free from the vampire by doing a backwards flip. She is surprised by her ability to do that. The vampire swings another kick at her, but she ducks it, and kicks it toward where Spike is beating up on the other surviving vampire. Spike punches it back toward Buffy, and she kicks it again.

Most of the rabbits are gone from the Magic Box. They have been replaced by a skeleton which is attacking Giles with a sword. Giles fends off its attack with a sword of his own. “Get a different book!” he yells at Anya. “Put that book down, do you hear? Not…that…book!”

Willow asks Dawn how she’s doing. Dawn is doing okay. She’s scared, but this all seems weirdly familiar to her. Willow knows what she means. Dawn asks how Willow’s doing.

“A little confused,” says Willow. “I mean, I’m, uh, all sweaty, and trapped, no memory, hiding in a pipe from a vampire…” She looks over toward Tara. “And I think I’m kind of gay.”

Dawn arches her eyebrows at her.

The skeleton is gone from the Magic Box. Giles and Anya are hiding behind the counter from some unseen beast which roars in the shop. Giles is sorting through a pile of books. “Look what you’ve done, you lunatic woman!” he whispers to Anya.

“Don’t blame me, you snobby, snotty, thinks-he’s-so-great kind of jerk!” whispers Anya. “And I feel compelled to take some vengeance on you!” She hits Giles over the head with the book in her hands.

“Ow!” whispers Giles. “God, no wonder I’m leaving you.”

“What?”

Giles pulls the plane ticket from his pocket and shows it to her. “Look. One-way ticket to London and out of this engagement.”

“Of all the nerve!” Anya pulls off her ring, and throws it at him. It misses, and bounces out onto the shop floor. “Now look at what you’ve done. That thing is going to eat my ring.”

The vampire comes back again. It looks toward the side tunnel in which Xander, Willow, Tara and Dawn are hiding. “I smell fear, and it smells good!”

The group starts to move toward the other exit from their hiding place, but the vampire hears, and moves to intercept them. Xander doubles back, hoping to catch the vampire from behind. The vampire anticipated that too, and attacks Xander as he comes out of the pipe. They trade a couple punches and Xander gets knocked to the ground.

Giles whispers a spell from a book. “Fatas…venga…mata…warei.” There is a flash of light and the growling from the beast in the shop stops. Giles and Anya cautiously look over the counter. The shop is empty. “Oh. That’s better,” says Giles.

Anya runs out and recovers her ring. She’s happy it didn’t get eaten. Giles apologises to her. “No. Rupy, I’m sorry,” says Anya. “You were right. That was the wrong book.” Giles tells her that he’s still sorry. “Don’t leave me,” says Anya.

Giles steps toward her. “Oh, Anya.” He takes her in his arms, and kisses her.

Willow and Tara jump down from the sewer pipe into the tunnel. Dawn is about to follow when the vampire attacks. Dawn ducks back into the pipe as Willow pushes Tara out of the vampire’s path. The two girls fall to the tunnel floor, and the black crystal falls out of Willow’s pocket. It bounces across the ground.

“Hey! Over here big guy,” shouts Xander. “Check out this throbbing jugular!” The vampire turns away from Willow and Tara and attacks Xander again. It picks him up, and throws him against the tunnel wall.

Dawn jumps down out of the sewer pipe and grabs a sharp piece of wood. “Alex!” she calls, and throws it to Xander as the vampire attacks him. Xander catches the stick, and gets it into position for the vampire to impale itself as it jumps on him. The vampire explodes into dust.

Willow is still lying on top of Tara on the tunnel floor. They gaze into each other’s eyes. Willow’s lips approach Tara’s.

Xander gets to his feet. He steps on the crystal, and it shatters. Tara pushes Willow away. Willow sits up, and looks around. She sees the broken crystal, and looks up at Xander. Tara pulls away from her.

Giles and Anya are in the middle of a passionate kiss when they get their memories back. They freeze.

Spike holds one of the vampires while Buffy kicks it. “Don’t mess with Joan the Va—” She stops as her memories come flooding back. The other vampire kicks her in the face.

Act IV

Buffy falls to the ground, and lies there groaning. The vampire moves in and kicks her in the ribs.

Spike lets go of the vampire in his arms. “Buffy! Buff—” The vampire he let go of kicks him in the head.

Willow sits back away from Tara. Tara gets to her feet and looks down at her. Willow feels her empty pocket.

Xander and Dawn look down at the broken pieces of crystal on the tunnel floor, and then they look at Willow. Xander lets out a half hearted laugh. Willow glares at him. “Sorry, I just got back the memory of seeing King Ralph. We should get back.” He and Dawn start to walk down the tunnel together.

Willow gets to her feet, and looks at Tara. Tara doesn’t meet her gaze. Willow looks away and follows Xander and Dawn down the tunnel toward the Magic Box. Tara follows behind her, crying softly.

Giles and Anya aren’t looking at each other either. They have decided that the Magic Box is in serious need of a good cleaning. Giles sweeps the floor, and Anya uses a cloth to wipe down the round table.

Spike grabs the vampire who was kicking Buffy, and the other one, and bashes their heads together. “From dust…” He pulls a stake from his pocket and plunges it into a vampire’s heart. “…to dust.” He stakes the last one.

Sharky thinks that Spike is an odd duck. Palling around with the Slayer, killing other vampires. “And, whoa-oh! That suit! Chutzpah must be your middle name. Ha ha ha ha. Uh, hey, look, um…about our little debt problem, it’s okay. I don’t need the kittens.”

Spike grabs him by the lapels of his purple sharkskin suit. “You’ll get paid. I’m no welsher.” He pushes Sharky away.

“Right, sure. You’re good for it. I know that,” says Sharky. “Ha ha. I’m just going to… Uh, yeah.” He retreats away down the street.

Spike turns back to Buffy, who’s still lying on the ground. “Are you all right?” He holds out his hand to help her to her feet.

Buffy doesn’t say a word, and she gets back to her feet without his help. She turns and walks away from him.

Epilogue

Buffy sits alone at the counter in the Bronze, holding a spindled napkin in her hands. Michelle Branch is on the stage tonight, singing Goodbye to You.

Tara packs her clothes into a box in her and Willow’s room. Willow is sitting on the floor in the bathroom crying.

Giles sits in a middle seat in an airplane.

Spike walks up beside Buffy and looks at her. She glances toward him, and then looks away. After a moment Spike turns and walks away.

Tara carries a box of her stuff out of the house and puts it on top of another box on the front porch. Dawn is leaning against the post beside the steps. Tara turns and reaches out toward her, but Dawn runs back into the house, and up the stairs.

Michelle Branch is still playing in the Bronze. Buffy and Spike are together under the stairs, kissing.

Death Toll

Notes

1. Translation: Blank Slate