Star Wars, Hydrostatic Weighing and Jabba the Hut
This was given (verbatim) by a pastor of a church
several years ago...
I hate to beat a dead horse, but the weight thing is getting to me. Over the years, you have watched me flatulate, er, I mean, fluctuate between being stocky and looking like Jabba the Hut. I no longer fluctuate. Now I inflate. Iíve moved past Jabba the Hut, and Iím moving quickly toward Jabba the Condominium.
I decided to have the fat content of my body analyzed. I already knew I was too fat, now I was going to pay someone to tell me how much too fat I was. They told me I would be weighed under water. The theory is that muscle and bone sink, money talks and fat floats. If you give $125 to someone with a white coat and a supreme-being air about them, they will weigh you on dry land and then weigh you under water. The difference between the two figures allows you to compute what percentage of your body is fat.
A huge crane extended out over the deep end of a swimming pool. Hanging from the crane was a swing-like device. This was the scale. The assistants to the Supreme Being strapped me in the swing, and the white-coated one maneuvered it out over the pool. The swing suddenly plunged into the water. The doctors cannot get an accurate reading until the chair stops bouncing. Do you know how long it took for the chair to stop bouncing? I saw Jesus at the end of a tunnel gesturing for me to come to the light.
I had begun to move toward the warm glow when I was suddenly jerked from the water. As I gasped for air, the light faded, and the doctor proclaimed, “Yep, you are fat”. “I want a second opinion”, I pleaded. The nurse turned and sniped. “He ís right. You are fat”.
Enough of that abuse! If you want to know the fat content of your body, I have developed a method that wonít cost you a cent. Next time you get out of the shower, grab a stopwatch and stand in front of a full-length mirror totally naked. Start the watch and stamp your foot on the floor as hard as you can. When stuff stops moving, punch the watch and check the time. I am down to two days, three hours and six minutes.
Just a thought: Not much hope for this body, but eternal possibilities for this soul.
I hate to beat a dead horse, but the weight thing is getting to me. Over the years, you have watched me flatulate, er, I mean, fluctuate between being stocky and looking like Jabba the Hut. I no longer fluctuate. Now I inflate. Iíve moved past Jabba the Hut, and Iím moving quickly toward Jabba the Condominium.
I decided to have the fat content of my body analyzed. I already knew I was too fat, now I was going to pay someone to tell me how much too fat I was. They told me I would be weighed under water. The theory is that muscle and bone sink, money talks and fat floats. If you give $125 to someone with a white coat and a supreme-being air about them, they will weigh you on dry land and then weigh you under water. The difference between the two figures allows you to compute what percentage of your body is fat.
A huge crane extended out over the deep end of a swimming pool. Hanging from the crane was a swing-like device. This was the scale. The assistants to the Supreme Being strapped me in the swing, and the white-coated one maneuvered it out over the pool. The swing suddenly plunged into the water. The doctors cannot get an accurate reading until the chair stops bouncing. Do you know how long it took for the chair to stop bouncing? I saw Jesus at the end of a tunnel gesturing for me to come to the light.
I had begun to move toward the warm glow when I was suddenly jerked from the water. As I gasped for air, the light faded, and the doctor proclaimed, “Yep, you are fat”. “I want a second opinion”, I pleaded. The nurse turned and sniped. “He ís right. You are fat”.
Enough of that abuse! If you want to know the fat content of your body, I have developed a method that wonít cost you a cent. Next time you get out of the shower, grab a stopwatch and stand in front of a full-length mirror totally naked. Start the watch and stamp your foot on the floor as hard as you can. When stuff stops moving, punch the watch and check the time. I am down to two days, three hours and six minutes.
Just a thought: Not much hope for this body, but eternal possibilities for this soul.
Posted: Sun - May 29, 2005 at 03:11 AM
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Published On: Jun 04, 2005 02:16 AM
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Published On: Jun 04, 2005 02:16 AM