Doug's Online Journal

Sat - February 12, 2005

juggling in the rain

The weather out here was uncommonly beautiful last week, for about five days, and I felt myself catching the juggling bug again. (Two years ago, around Easter, I picked up my clubs again and wandered into the Berkeley Juggling Club on a Friday afternoon. I was totally hooked.)

Anyway, my new job has me working until six or seven every night, and Corey and I usually go out on Friday nights. Not to mention the fact that it's been extremely cold, and it gets dark somewhere between five and six o'clock. So I haven't been doing any juggling in the last several months.

But I caught the craving again. And I caught it bad. Went up to the park last Sunday, it being so mild out, but none of the usual jugglers were up there, so I juggled alone. (Not the same.) A couple of young'uns happened by, so I got to get them started on a basic three-beanbag cascade, which was nice, but still not the same.

When I found out this week that our weekend plans had been canceled, I started getting my hopes up. If I could get out of work early, and if Corey and I were able to go out another night this weekend, and if people were going to show up . . . I might just get to satisfy my craving.

So five o'clock hit last night, and I was out the door. The moment (I mean the moment) I stepped out, I felt the first drop of rain. Drip. Drip. Drip.

Grrr. Undaunted, I got in the car and drove over to campus. I'd been battling a cold all week, so I really didn't relish making it worse. I knew the guys had secured an indoor spot for juggling in the winter, but I didn't know how far I'd have to walk in the rain . . .

But I was not to be deterred. I found a parking spot (finally) WAYYYYY on the western edge of campus, put some change in the meter, slung my bag of clubs over my shoulder, and started hiking. It was still raining, but just barely. Misting, really. And I got to the building in about ten minutes. Man, it felt good to walk in and hear clubs dropping again.

So I got myself warmed up a little and joined in. It took me a little while to get my arms going, but I found myself falling into the pattern again. It was GREAT!!!!! There's nothing quite like throwing things back and forth with someone. Kind of like "playing catch" multiplied by six.

Before long, I started to feel my own out-of-shape-ness start to catch up with me. After about 45 minutes, my arms felt like rubber. But I couldn't stop. How often do I get to do this??? So I made mistake after mistake after mistake, but I stayed in there and played hard.

There were about seven of us all together, and a couple of the more experienced guys suggested we do something with all seven of us . . .

Let me just say that I've done things like this before, where we all get in a line and we're catching from one side, throwing to another, passing a club down the line while each of us continues juggling. And that's hard enough. This was something entirely new.

There were four of us in a line. A B C D. Imagine that A and B are facing to the right and C and D are facing to the left. B is passing clubs with both C and D, and C is passing clubs with both A and B. Simple, right? Yeah, except that's only four people. By the time we added another three, my head was spinning, and I was struggling just to keep myself from getting whacked in the head by a stray club. But I made a couple of good throws. And I didn't give up. Which is the important thing.

And it was great.

I need to remember to make time for this in my life.

Anyway, Happy Saturday to everyone. Get out there and make some mistakes.

Posted at 12:22 PM

Tue - February 1, 2005

days are drifting quickly by

So my new job has me working some serious hours. Usually 11 or 12 hours a day. And going pretty hard the whole time. The funny thing is, I love it! I'm finding it extremely rewarding, and I can see lots of great adventures in front of me.

But I'm not used to the pace of these days yet. Corey's being a house-husband right now, so I get home at 6:30 or 7:00 at night, sit down to a wonderful hot meal, then hang out with Corey for a couple hours. Then it's bedtime. (Shortly, in fact. See? No time for blogging!) I used to get depressed when I got home from work because I felt like I wasn't doing enough during the day. This time around, I'm feeling fine. I work really hard during the day, so I really don't feel guilty about giving myself a few hours of rest at the end.

And rest is what I'm feeling like doing now. I'll write more soon.

Posted at 09:55 PM

my new toy

So my days of carrying around a Palm Pilot like it was a third arm have given way to this little monster. It's called a BLACKBERRY, and it's a vicious little thing. Not that different than a Palm Pilot, really, except for two things: always-on email and cell phone. So there's no escape. You're reachable wherever you go (at least wherever the nice folks at T-mobile have elected to place an antenna). I find myself reading email while I'm in the car, while I'm watching TV (okay, I have a laptop so I'm used to that), while I'm sitting in a movie theater waiting for a movie to begin, while I'm eating breakfast at a restaurant . . .

Crazy.

But I found myself adapting to it extremely quickly. I've been a gadget-freak my whole life, and I could always imagine myself being able to do these things with a Palm Pilot or a cell phone. Now that the technology has caught up, it was easy for me to pick it up and run.

I remember my first Palm Pilot. I installed a program called AvantGo, that allowed me to download a bunch of websites while it was connected to the computer, then take the data with me later. I used to sync it every day at work, then take the stuff with me to read later. So this isn't actually that much different. Slower, actually, since it downloads them in real time.

And the Blackberry is far from perfect. The little keyboard up there is far from terrific. I picked up "graffiti" (Palm's stylus alphabet) within a few minutes, so I was perfectly happy entering data with a stylus. This thing requires you to push those little keys, then wait for it to guess what you're trying to type (notice there are two letters on each key). It means constantly looking between the keyboard and the screen. Hardly efficient.

The speakerphone is nice and loud. A+ there. And the phone is relatively easy to use. But the organizer half of the device is really inefficient compared to a Palm. You have to use the little thumbwheel on the side to navigate anywhere, and that's not always very fast. With my Palm, I could just tap wherever I wanted to go.

And my biggest complaint is the lack of software development. Palm has a gigantic developer community, so I could find new programs every week (and usually free ones) to load onto my Palm. Not just games either, but useful little utilities that would help me track my mileage, do currency conversions, set alarms, or read movie listings.

(Corey just walked in and called me a geek for spending all this time writing about my Blackberry. Yes, I am!!!!!)

Anyway, I like the new-gadget-ness of the Blackberry, but it's not the most elegant, beautiful piece of technology I've ever had. Feels a little like going from a Mac to a PC.

Posted at 09:44 PM

Sun - January 16, 2005

just a few questions

Corey and I were at a dinner party with some friends last night and our pal Jamen pulled out one of these little electronic games. It was called "20Q" and it was one of the most mind-blowing little gadgets I've ever met.

Here's how it works: it's basically the old game of "20 questions", but the little ball (about the size of a yo-yo) asks all the questions. And you can press one of four buttons after each question: YES, NO, SOMETIMES, or UNKNOWN. The yo-yo asks you a series of twenty questions (most of them pretty standard, like "Is it flat?") after which it guesses what you're thinking of. And about eight times out of ten, the little magic yo-yo gets it right. Yeah, really! We thought of things as obscure as "plutonium", "jicama", "shopping cart", and "torpedo", and the damn thing guessed them. Unbelievable. We were able to stump it, but were surprised more than not to find the word that we were thinking of printed on its little screen.

The website claims that it has "artificial intelligence" but I have to admit that I don't really know what that means any more. Does it learn from each round of playing? Does it adapt to how I answer the questions? One of the scientists at my new job has a Ph.D. in artificial intelligence. Maybe I should ask him.

Anyway, we played with this thing for hours. Great fun. Click on the picture above, and you'll be deposited at a website where you can play a virtual version . . .

Posted at 10:01 PM

Fri - January 14, 2005

just another geek

I've been reading Wil Wheaton's weblog for a long time. In fact, he's one of the few I've been reading on a near-daily basis since I started my own blog. He's great. Really awesome. As a somewhat-famous-celebrity-type guy, he has a lot of interesting stories to tell. But as a fellow geek, family guy, and writer, he touches that place in all of us where nostalgia and homesickness and warm memories live.

He was in town this week to speak at MacWorld, and some industrious blogger got him to speak at Border's while he was here. So, while I didn't have the mad-cash to be at MacWorld this year -- (One day, my precious! ONE DAY I'll see one of Steve's keynotes!) -- I did have the wherewithall to get myself to Border's with Corey to see him speak and read from his new book, Just a Geek.

And it was really good.

I got there late because it started at seven and I work until (at least) six now, and San Francisco is like . . . well . . . farther than that in rush hour. Corey was going early to get us a spot in line, so when I got there I had to squeeze through all the people at the back of the crowd, and find my way up to the seat he had saved for me. But then I was there, and I had only missed fifteen minutes or so. And Wil was great. He still has all his acting chops, great comedic timing, and a natural voice. He read a couple of Star Trek stories from his book, and took the audience through moments of both gut-wrenching hilarity and moist-eyed nostalgia.

Corey had bought us each a copy of his book, so we got in line afterward to meet Wil and get an autograph. This was the part that was most nerve-wracking for me, as I seem to have created a habit in the last few years of embarrassing myself in front of celebrities. I met Anne Lamott and found myself slack-jawed with nothing to say. I crashed and burned when I met David Sedaris. And then there's that time I met Paul Winter. <shudder>

Then I remembered that Wil and I have a few things in common. Item one: computers. He's a total Mac geek. I am a total Mac geek. (By the way, you and I have some catching up to do on Steve Jobs' recent keynote. So many fun new things to talk about!) He's also like a world-famous blogger. I am also a blogger, although not yet world-famous. So I pulled out a scrap of paper and wrote down the address to my own blog. I relaxed, thanked him for showing up, told him it was great to meet him (the truth) and invited him to stop by and visit my website. He thanked me and said that he would. (Hi, Wil!!)

Anyway, I'm inspired to start writing again. I've really been neglecting this work, and it has meant so much to me. Wil reminded me that there are important things going on in the blogging community, and I feel honored to be a part of that.

Thanks again, Wil. It really was an honor to meet you.

Posted at 12:16 AM

Sun - January 9, 2005

i gave the big brown box . . .

. . . to the nice lady at the UPS Store. It is now (supposedly) in transit, and should be in Mom's hands by the end of the week.

But I'm not promising anything yet.

Posted at 03:18 PM

Fri - January 7, 2005

a big brown box

Okay, so here's how the story began . . .

When I was home visiting my parents for my brother's wedding, I was driving my mom's car a lot. When I flew home, I still had Mom's car key in my pocket (realized it just after I went through airport security, too, so it was too late to run it back to her.

<sigh>

Mom had one more key, so it wasn't a huge deal, but she still needed her key back. So I promised her that I would drop it in the mail as soon as I got home.

(That was my first mistake. "As soon as I got home?" Okay, that just wasn't ever going to happen. But I gave it the old college try. I really did. And "try" is the operative word. All of my recent leadership/personal development training has taught me that when I even think the word "try", nothing happens.

So I "tried" to mail Mom's key for several weeks.

I have this thing about post offices. Well, it's not really a thing. It's just that I hate them. I loathe post offices. They feel old and archaic and pointless and stupid and slow and dirty and . . . I just hate them. And there's one at the bottom of my street now.

So Mom's key just sat on my dresser.

After a couple weeks (and a couple more promises to Mom) I managed to get the key into a padded mailing envelope.

And after a few more weeks (like, about six) I managed to drop that stupid key into a mailbox.

Mission accomplished.

So when Mom and Dad checked out of their hotel after Christmas, then called us from the plane to let us know that they had left some things in their hotel room, and would we mind picking them up, putting them in a box, and shipping them home . . . well, I just sighed.

But I was determined this time.

So I took a box that someone had used to ship us Christmas gifts, threw all the stuff in there, taped it shut, wrote the address on it, and schlepped it down to the freakin' post office the next day.

No joke.

The next day.

And I triumphantly called Mom to let her know that I had mailed the box, paid a little extra for priority mail, and that it should arrive by the weekend.

But the post office gods had other ideas.

Came home Tuesday night to find THE BOX on our front porch. Yeah. It was back. Like a recurring ear infection. Like a childhood nightmare. Like . . . . I don't know what it was like, BUT THE GODDAMN BOX WAS ON MY FRONT PORCH!!!!!

Get this. I never removed the label that had been used by Corey's brother to ship us Christmas gifts. It was a ratty, old label taped to the bottom of the box. Half of the address was torn off, even. Ya really gotta hand it to those post office guys -- terrific detective work, fellas. And nobody bothered to check the TOP of the box or the postmark to figure out where the package was actually supposed to go.

So the bloody thing has been sitting in the apartment all week.

<sigh>

Sorry, Mom. Tomorrow's Saturday, and I WILL have it in the mail to you!!!!

Here endeth the lesson.

Posted at 10:52 PM

Tue - January 4, 2005

will & grace season three

Corey picked up Season Two last week, so we've been watching whenever we find ourselves lying around the house doing nothing (which has been more than usual, lately). Wow, what a good show. I'm not caught up on the current episodes -- I heard Grace had a baby or something, got married, whatever -- but the shows in these first couple seasons were amazing. The writing was crisp and funny, and the shows managed to say something without shoving anything down your throat.

(There was a moment of tension just now, and Will walked out and slammed the door on Grace. Good stuff.)

One of those perfect little shows. I hope they keep going for a good long time, and then stop before things get ugly.

Posted at 10:18 PM

Sun - January 2, 2005

finishing touches

My last official day of vacation. The company I work for closes its offices between Christmas and New Year's, so I've had the last week off. Which was good, because we did so much painting and cleaning and organizing and furniture-schlepping that we both needed a break. So how did we spend our break?

We slept a lot.

It's been freezing cold outside (in Northern California, that means like fifty degrees) so that hasn't been conducive to a lot of hard work. And it's also been raining, Seattle-style, ever since Christmas day. This morning, we woke up to a lack of electricity, which also didn't help. But that didn't last long, so we got ourselves out of bed and made a day of it.

The kitchen needed one more coat of paint, so I tackled that this afternoon. This red color has been terrible to work with. Our first two coats were semi-gloss, which didn't quite work in the kitchen, so we covered it with a coat of primer. Then two more coats of the red in a satin finish. That was as far as we made it before Christmas. But it wasn't quite enough, so I did one more coat tonight.

Corey just got home from getting groceries, and we're watching Will and Grace, and my eyelids are starting to close, so I think it's time to call it a night.

Good night, everybody.

Posted at 10:37 PM

Fri - December 31, 2004

the polar express (in imax 3-d)

Corey and I just returned from seeing this film, and we're both still feeling soft and tender. What a wonderful film! An absolutely wonderful, magical story told exceptionally well. The animation was breathtaking; the writing was crisp and lyrical; and the acting (voice and otherwise) was terrific. (Even if it was pretty much all Tom Hanks.)

What I can't figure out is why this movie was panned by so many critics. I really didn't have any desire to see this movie, and it was mainly because of the bad press it got. Just to check myself, I jumped over to www.rottentomatoes.com to see what the average review really said. They gave it a "rotten" rating of 56%, which means only 56% of the 170 reviews they tracked were positive. I really can't figure this out. Corey and I were both really moved by this film. It's destined to be a classic, one that will surely have a place on our annual Christmas movie list. So why the bad rap?

Well, one possibility is that we saw the version that everyone was meant to see, but didn't. We saw it in IMAX 3-D, which really brought the story to life. I wonder if the 2-D, flat-screen version just wasn't very good.

Another reason that critics may not have liked it so much could have to do with poor timing. Corey said the movie was released ten days after Halloween. Halloween?!?! What were they thinking? This is a Christmas movie!!!!

Ah, well. It's a Wonderful Life did horrible at the box office when it came out. And it's still on the shelf every year, so I'm sure we haven't heard the last of The Polar Express. Good films have a way of sticking around.

If you have an IMAX theatre in your town, and The Polar Express is still playing, do yourself a post-Christmas favor and go see it. (And let me know if you disagree. I'd love to know why so many people didn't like it.)

Posted at 12:45 AM

Thu - December 30, 2004

beyond words

(photo credit: NOAA via Wikipedia)

As we celebrated Christmas with our family and friends, we paused in horror each time we saw a news report or headline. Too terrible to imagine. September eleventh pales in comparison, and this time there's no "Axis of Evil" to blame it on. Really puts the idea of tragedy into perspective. Blame is pointless. The best place to put all of that anger and helplessness that we're feeling is into the relief effort. That's all that matters now.

We sat around the breakfast table Tuesday morning and all decided to send some of our Christmas money to the victims of the tsunamis. So I invite you, if you had a wonderful holiday, to do the same. The photo above will take you to the Wikipedia page that has lots and lots of links to agencies where you can donate. But I'll post a couple more here:

The American Red Cross - Amazon.com has a 1-click page set up for donating directly to the tsunami relief effort. As of this writing, they've collected 5.5 million USD.

The World Food Programme - An international organization, focusing on the food shortage. This is where we donated.

As a holiday, Christmas tends to remind me how much we are all connected. How much we depend on each other. How, when it comes right down to it, we're all the same little specks on this big planet.

Let's not forget how lucky we are right now.

Posted at 01:50 PM

Wed - December 29, 2004

Why I haven't written (really)

It felt so good to sit down at the keyboard this afternoon and post to this blog. And since it's the end of the year, I found myself flipping back through old blog entries, reading them and getting nostalgic. I noticed that the dates of my postings have gotten more and more sporadic, peppered by a few half-hearted explanations about why they've gotten more and more sporadic.

I remember that I started writing in this journal because I wanted to connect with people, both people I knew and people I'd never met. Yet I had let that connection fade over the last several months. There must be a reason . . .

Well, there is. It's not a complicated one. I simply got scared, so I stopped writing.

Back in the beginning, I had very clear boundaries in my head about what was appropriate and what was not appropriate for this journal. When I lost my job in April (due, in large part, to the content on this website) I found those boundaries had been shaken. My heart was broken after losing my job as a teacher, and I no longer knew what was appropriate for posting. Rather, I was afraid I was going to get "punished" again for writing on my website. So I wrote, but I wrote with hesitance. And eventually I stopped. I let other things in my life take the place of the work I was doing here.

I regret that. Not because a website is more important than other forms of human connection, but because I turned away from this connection out of fear.

Having acknowledged that, I'm ready to move on.

Good to see all of you again.

Posted at 10:02 PM

The ghost of Christmas. Past.

Dropped everyone off at the airport this morning. Mom, Dad, John, Leigh Ann, and Marvel (my grandmother, for any new readers out there) came to California to join Corey and I for Christmas this year. (Click the picture to go to the photo album.) They spent about three full days with us, and we had a BLAST. It was so nice to have family here.

And now they're back in Ohio. And we're not entertaining guests any more.

So we slept. Got home from the airport and crashed for about six hours. It was a beautiful thing. We've been going so hard for the last month -- cleaning, organizing, painting, moving furniture, preparing food, etc. etc. etc. -- that it was wonderful to just STOP.

And now we have this wonderful week of vacation. We haven't put anything on the schedule yet, so we get to just make it up as we go along. I imagine there will be some shopping involved. I imagine we'll be doing some cleaning. And I imagine there will be a great deal of napping, too. But I look forward to it. It's been a great Christmas, and the rest of the holiday week will be just as nice.

Posted at 02:18 AM

Sun - December 19, 2004

Keeping Busy

So my intention was to start writing again. Obviously not a committed intention. Corey and I have been having fun redecorating our apartment. Today was all about COLOR! Painted three rooms today, and I'll be doing one or two more before the week is out. Mom and Dad and John and Leigh Ann and Marvel (my grandmother) will be flying out Thursday night to spend Christmas with us, and we can't wait.

But it means I'll be pretty busy until about 6pm on Thursday. I promise to post something over the holidays.

Posted at 09:34 AM

Thu - November 25, 2004

Today I am grateful for . . .

Sleeping in.
Hilarious party games with family I only get to see once or twice a year.
Winning some games.
Losing some games.
The love of a small dog named Heidi.
My amazing husband.
Good food.
Sleeping in the same bed as my husband after fourteen days of not.
Corey's mom and dad.
Corey's extended family.
Our dear friend Adam.
New opportunities at work.
Making Corey's ninety-year old Grandma laugh.
The new battery John got me for my Powerbook.
My "team" from ACT XI, my i-impact training class.
My mom and my dad.
My brother Brian and my brother John.
A holiday that invites us to get together with each other in the spirit of love and gratitude.
The opportunity for Corey and I to ruthlessly pick on our seventeen-year old niece's new boyfriend (he handled it well, though).
A long drive with a good audiobook.
An hour of gridlocked traffic that gave me the opportunity to catch up with my brother Brian.
New levels of understanding and a deepening of the love Corey and I have with each other.
My cousin Julie, who is pregnant!
A thoughtful email from a friend.
Galaga. On our TV!

and . . .

wait for it . . .

Really good cole slaw. You gotta give it to those Pennsylvania Dutch women. They know how to make a good slaw.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. My hopes and wishes to you and yours for another year of things for which to be grateful.

Posted at 09:28 PM

Tue - November 23, 2004

Tidings from the windy city

A one-hour layover in Chicago. Nice airport. Flight came in earlier than expected. Just finished my lunch, waiting to board . . .

I noticed a new security sign when I was checking in this morning. I have to admit that it troubled me a little. There was a big picture of a gun on it, and it said. Firearms must be UNLOADED and you must declare them to your airline.

Say what? I can't bring my nail clipper on board, but as long as I take the bullets out of my gun, I can bring it with me???

I'm sure that's not what it meant. That's just silly.

I have to say that the entire check-in process this morning moved like clockwork. Southwest had about 25 ticket agents working at 7:30 this morning. The long line moved very quickly. My bag was selected for "special" inspection, which was handled by a very professional, very polite, very together crew of Transportation Safety Administration people. Very impressive.

My luggage checked, I then got in line for security and I was selected for "special" inspection once again. Why is it that I never once went through the belt/shoe/frisk treatment when I had long hair and a beard, but now that I look . . . I don't know . . . less hairy . . . that I stick out like a security risk? Or maybe it's really just random selection now and it's all a funny coincidence.

Last night, while I was taking care of the last hundred or so details for my trip, I really had the opportunity to notice how my four months of "life training" has helped me transform my life. I had a very long list of things to get done, and I accomplished almost all of them. The ones I didn't accomplish were replaced with a "by when", so I know they will get done.

I was still awake at about 12:30 last night, knowing that I would need to be up at 6am, and unlike in the past, I was really fine. Not so tired that I couldn't get my work done. And I actually pushed a little and cleaned up the kitchen and the bathroom and tidied up the living room and bedrooms, so Corey and I will have a relatively clean apartment when we get home. I've always heard about people doing such things, but never believed in them myself. Who wants to go through all that work??? Vacation is starting!!! Let's go play!

And that, right there, is the miracle of transformation, folks. Douglas chose tidiness over sleep. Those of you who have known me since birth will need to pick your lower jaw up from the floor and re-attach it to your face. And it's not such a rare occurrence for me these days. Kind of normal for me to get only six hours of sleep and be fine. (And I still don't drink coffee or other caffeinated-type things. Don't get me started on that!)

I'm noticing that my absence on this blog over the last several months has dulled my writing focus. For now, anyway. I remember it was like this when I started, so I'll just keep plugging away. Expect the entries to get more interesting as the weeks go along.

Time to board.

Posted at 01:18 PM

Sun - November 21, 2004

Leavin' . . . on a jet plane . . .

Hi folks,

Yes, it's really me. I'm back. At least today I'm back. Cleaning the house and getting ready for a trip back east for the holidays. My brother John just bought me a new battery for my laptop, so I plan to do some air-blogging. I'll catch you up on my activities over the last four months. (Lots to tell!)

We almost had a computer meltdown this week, which would have included my entire weblog. Thankfully, just the operating system (and its corresponding disk partition) were affected. I keep my data on a separate partition. And I now have a big fat external hard drive where things are backed up properly.

Talk to you soon!

Posted at 01:49 PM

Fri - October 22, 2004

to students of bishop o'dowd high school

Lisa is a good friend of mine, guys. I can vouch for her. This is a serious project she's doing and she's interested in your opinions (imagine!) I encourage you to take part, if you can. People want to know how you all feel about what happened, and this would be a positive way for you to express yourself.

An open letter to past or present students at Bishop O'Dowd Catholic High School, especially those who were students of Douglas Neff during the '03-'04 school year:

We, Shannon and Lisa, are masters students at the Graduate Theological Union, currently taking a class called "Framing Youth: Faith, Identity, and the Adolescent".  This class focuses on the spiritual lives and needs of teens, and how their faith and spirituality are affected by the cultural/social/political structures they live in.

As our research project for this class, we would like to hold a group discussion meeting to hear you talk about the events that led up to Mr. Neff being let go at the end of the '03-'04 school year.  This is not simply a discussion of whether you felt that what happened was right or wrong, but more about the unspoken messages or lessons you feel you have received—from the diocese, the school, teachers, parents, even the Catholic Church as a whole—around this issue, and how those messages have affected your beliefs, your faith, your identity, the way you think about the world.

We are concerned that decisions are being made out of fear, xenophobia or political expediency with little regard for how those decisions affect the minds, spirits and faith of the youth they are meant to serve. Decision-makers around the country and around the world are in the habit of ignoring the voices and needs of youth. We want to hear yours.

All responses will be kept strictly confidential, and names will be changed for privacy when we make our presentation and our reports.

We would like to hold this forum on Tuesday evening, November 9th. If you would like to come, or would like more information, please contact Shannon or Lisa at the email addresses/phone numbers listed below.

If you would like your voice to be heard, but will not be able to attend the meeting, please email us with your thoughts.

Shannon Vanderpol skv2001@hotmail.com or 510.367.7221
Lisa WilliamsCraig  lisa@williamscraig.com or 510.697.4585

Posted at 10:20 PM

Sun - October 10, 2004

message in a bottle

I received a copy of this letter a couple weeks ago, and was moved to tears. The original was addressed to my former principal at Bishop O'Dowd HIgh School.

Dear Fr. Don,

I graduated from Bishop O'Dowd in 1989, and I remember my time there very fondly. The academics were great and I made many friends, but I mostly remember the spiritual foundation it gave me through its religious classes and masses.

Last month I was remarried after being widowed for two years. My husband and I chose some moving words from a wedding in San Francisco that we felt represented the leap that both of us were taking as we took our vows:

"Marriage is one of the most remarkable and most courageous of human acts, the promise of two human beings to share life together on all levels -- physical, emotional, spiritual -- a promise made in the face of the certainty of death, the certainty of change, and the uncertainty of everything else. There is nothing else quite like this act, nothing so foolish, nothing so profound."

Imagine my dismay when I discovered that the man whose wedding inspired these words had been dismissed from my alma mater. The school that taught me to love God, look for justice, and treat those around me kindly apparently has fired a teacher for getting married. I sincerely hope this is not the case, but until I'm convinced otherwise, I will not be able in good conscience to contribute any more funds toward Bishop O'Dowd. Please look into your heart and reconsider your decision to dismiss Douglas Neff.

Sincerely,

[name withheld]

Wow. Truly moving. Never underestimate the power of speaking out. And never underestimate the effect your actions might have on others.

Posted at 11:01 AM

Sun - September 26, 2004

one crazy september

Wow! What a wild and crazy month this has been. Brian (my bro) got married on September 11th, and it was an AMAZING day. Beautiful weather, a really nice ceremony, and a great reception. Perfect. Pictures to come. Then, a mere six days later, Corey treated me to a great big adventure in the sky for my thirtieth birthday. That's me up there, mom!

I've ALWAYS wanted to skydive, but never given myself the opportunity. (This is where having an amazing, thoughtful, loving husband really pays off!) Truly, there is no better way I can think of to cross the threshold from twenties to thirties than to throw myself from a perfectly good (although small and rickety) airplane.

People ask me if I was scared, and I have to tell you that there was one brief moment. My head and upper torso were hanging out the door of the smaller-than-my-volkswagen (but-still-safer-than-freefall) airplane. The instructor (who was strapped very tightly to my back) told me to put my right foot on the landing strut, right next to his. I put my foot outside the airplane, touched it to the strut . . . and slipped.

Horror, as I imagined my body being sucked out into open space (yes, it was only 10,000 feet, but I may never get closer to outer space than this, so allow me the exaggeration, okay?). Anyway, my leg just flapped in the wind for a second or two and I pulled it back in, planted it firmly on the landing strut, and waited.

In the movies, there is a long period of waiting between when the jumper (me) is given the signal to jump, and when he actually jumps. I was expecting to have that long period . . . at least to consider the possible ramifications of free-falling at 10k. I was not granted the luxury of that moment to think about things, though, as my instructor was ready to go . . . and he was behind me. It was a simple rock forward (you mean now?!); a rock backward (wait a minute! What if . . . ?) and JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

And believe me, if I could have made any sound at all, it would have been the scream that Goofy makes when he falls off a cliff.

Thank you, Corey. I'll never forget that experience.

Posted at 05:50 PM

Fri - August 20, 2004

speaking out

Click on the photo to go to the San Francisco Chronicle article about why I'm not teaching this year. I haven't written much about this subject here, and that was mainly because I was pursuing the matter privately and through appropriate channels. So I hope that this article gives you a better sense of what Corey and I have been going through over the past several months.

Thank you, by the way, to everyone who has offered their support, sympathies, and frustrations throughout this process. I know that Corey and I depended on all of your warm thoughts, and they were greatly appreciated.

And to anyone who is outraged by what has happened, perhaps this would be a good time to consider a donation to Equality California or the Human Rights Campaign? The battle for civil rights in this country didn't fight itself, people. This issue needs caring, thoughtful, committed people behind it, and if you're reading this, you've already displayed the first two. Put your words and your feelings into action and help protect the citizens of this country from experiencing another state-sanctioned divorce.

Students (especially former students of mine) have a unique opportunity right now. Take this issue to your classrooms, your teachers, your coaches, your parents, your friends. Stand up and be heard. This is your future we're fighting for right now. Are you going to sit back and let us bicker over what kind of life you'll get to have? Get in the game and play hard.

Looking back through the photographs of that special day, I can still feel the light that filled that building during those 4,096 weddings. This was freedom! This was joy! This was power and courage and hope! This was celebration! This was a great step forward in the struggle for equality. This was "the arc of the moral universe" bending toward justice. This was a group of thoughtful, caring, committed people doing nothing more extraordinary than waking up one morning and changing the world.

Make no mistake, folks, God was in City Hall that day. And God was smiling.

Posted at 10:54 AM

Wed - August 11, 2004

The Paper Street Soap Company

Our good friend Adam (from back when we lived in Cleveland) is staying with us right now. He and I are taking the i-impact courses together. Our 3-month course starts this weekend, and Adam has decided to take the plunge and live out here for the whole thing. We're really excited. It's been great having him here, and I think he'll get so much more out of it if he's actually here than if he were doing it via conference calls, emails, etc.

There are some ways in which it's a little weird having someone else in the house, though.

For instance, we've come to think of Meera (our cat) as our little daughter, talking to her as though she were a young teenager who doesn't have to go to school or get a job, but instead lies around the house all day and makes important furniture-scratching contributions to the household. We feed her in the morning and scratch her behind the ears when we come home from work.

Adam doesn't scratch furniture (yet) but he does eat seafood, so he's really just like Meera. As I was dropping him off at work this morning (he's doing temp work for Office Team) I found myself needing to resist the urge to hand him his lunch (like any good mother would) and kiss him good-bye. A small tear formed at the corner of my eye and I felt pride welling up inside me. Our little boy . . . a working man!

<shakes his head to clear the cobwebs>

So maybe it hasn't gotten that weird yet, but it still feels like having a son. Corey and Meera and I have a household, a set of routines, and a certain way of doing everything. And now we have another person here, so we get to adjust and play around with our routines and have family meetings and discussions. And Meera's not the only carnivore in the house anymore. And I got to take Adam to buy his very first cell phone yesterday. (<snif> all grown up!)

Actually, our house feels a little more like that scene in Fight Club, where they convert that old house into a soap-making company (the Paper Street Soap Company), and it's just filled with people all day, going in and out, rendering fat, making lye, pouring molds, and shipping packages (not to mention all of the subversive, mind-blowing, culture-changing projects going on in the other rooms of the house). With all three of us going through this life-transforming seminar, there's a very palpable "changing-the-world" energy in the place. So it's a great place to live. So maybe we'll start selling soap. Or maybe we'll change the world instead. Hmmmm. Hard to decide.

Posted at 10:39 AM

Mon - August 9, 2004

The future of doug's online journal

There's a new man in town! That's right, folks. I'm through sitting on my butt waiting for the next ten years of my life to pass me by. I'll turn thirty next month, and this is going to be the best decade of my life! It took me ten days of serious self-reflection and the support of dozens of very wonderful people (thanks to the folks who do life training at i-impact) to help me rediscover the man I've been just dying to become all my life. And I wouldn't have made it far enough to even walk through the door if it weren't for eleven years of love and support from my amazing husband, Corey. (Thank you!)

So you can expect very large changes from this side of the world in the next ten years. And that brings me to my reason for posting today. I would very much like to keep this journal around, but I can only do so if I feel that it has value for those reading it. If not, the time and energy I put into this website simply must go into other things.

So here's what we are going to do:

IF you like reading my journal, and you want me to continue posting in it, you need to tell me so. You need to click on the link at the end of this message that says "Post Comment" and tell me why you want to keep hearing from me. No emails, please. I'll determine this by how many folks leave direct comments. And I'm not going to assume anything, so this means former students, parents, family and friends, perfect strangers, newcomers, etc. all need to write in.

I will make a decision on September 17, my thirtieth birthday. In the meantime, I will keep posting, but this post will remain at the top, so be sure to check underneath for new entries.

Have a terrific day!
Douglas

Posted at 06:02 PM

Sun - July 18, 2004

yard sales and spiders and pounds of beef

Hi folks. Welcome to the busiest week of my life. It actually started a few days ago . . .

Our friend Adam, from Cleveland, came to visit on Friday evening. Just in time, in fact, to help us prepare for the big yard sale we were having on Saturday. So Friday night was filled with all manner of business: putting dollar-values on many of our possessions, labeling them with little stickers, yadda yadda yadda. Then, on Saturday we had to rise very early, borrow a vehicle with which to haul the long tables we were borrowing. The day continued in much the same fashion, and by the end of it we were all dead tired. Corey and I had gotten about four hours of sleep the night before, and the day was full of manual labor, constant sun, and . . . oh, I almost forgot the church board meeting I had to attend right in the middle.

So going to dinner and a movie was probably more than we all wanted, but it's all we felt like doing.

Burgers at Fuddrucker's, then Spider-Man 2. Adam ordered a one-pound burger. Good Lord, that was a large piece of meat. Think of it. Four quarter-pounders with cheese. The bun had to be custom-made, I'm sure.

Anyway, the movie was even better the second time around, and we fell asleep soon after we got home.

Posted at 06:33 PM

Wed - July 14, 2004

federal marriage amendment dies on senate floor

Well, the vote was rejected on the Senate floor today, as expected. HRC called it a "stunning, bi-partisan vote of 50-48". I was stunned, actually, to find that it was so close. We won by two votes????

And notice that the numbers don't add up to 100. Two senators did not vote. You know who?

Kerry (D-MA)
Edwards (D-NC)

I have to tell you, that pisses me off. I've watched "The West Wing" enough to know that when a bill doesn't have the votes it needs, you vote along with your party to save face. But this is a news story, too. And this vote tells me that half of the country believes my marriage should be invalidated. Half of the country!

Is that really the case? It's possible, I guess. It's possible that each and every senator was voting the way they thought the majority of people in their state wanted them to vote. I suppose that's possible. But this feels more like politics to me. And Kerry and Edwards just lost a little of my love.

And I'll tell you what pisses me off even more. Why are we even doing this right now? Why is the subject of same-sex marriage even on our viewscreen? We're in the middle of a war!!!!!! And we're occupying another country! Our troops are still dying in foreign countries and terrorism is still blazing across the globe. And the elected representatives of the world's most democratic government are arguing over whether two men or two women should be able to share a home together.

And let's be honest here. It's not even because of the marriage thing. Not even close. It's because George W. Bush wants to win the election in November, and this is part of his campaign strategy.

That is incredibly short-sighted. That is unconscionably selfish. And that is decidedly un-American.

I'm glad the amendment was rejected. But this political crap is really pissing me off.

Posted at 04:43 PM

orkut

one year on-line!

Spider-Man 2

an afternoon with bill clinton (almost)

benefits of living in oakland (and america)

impacted

another day in paradise

thoughtful words from two of my Elders

pictures from my trip

david sedaris

the reagle beagle hair salon for men